I Choose To Believe

Gen. 15:6 "And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness."

I Choose To Believe

I have a new favorite movie, it’s titled Little Boy and it’s about faith, racism, hate, love and belief. It shows the strength of one little boy who gains faith so that he can move mountains AND that he can will his father home from the war. I like this show so much that I watch it over and over again when I feel doubt seeping into my life and it pulls me out of the mire. 

As you should know by now I have been diagnosed with cancer; Her2 positive stage 3. The first day I was told I was devastated because like you, the word cancer elicits fear and immediately the word death falls from your lips. How do I know? I’ve had too many people in my life fall victim and die that’s how. ALL chose chemo, ALL are now deceased. 

The next day I woke up empowered to change this diagnosis and fight it head on. It’s no different than Christ calling you into battle and you either fall to the sheep and follow behind what the majority of men and women on this earth would do, or you take up arms and fight for Him.

I drastically halted my lifestyle in one day; no sugars and no carbs. Had I done this sooner, I might not be here writing about this diagnosis but it is what it is and here I am finding a way to LIVE. What I found with this shift was that I had no food to eat. I looked in the fridge and there was food, but the meat was chemically enhanced for taste, the cheese processed, the boxed food all had chemicals that would feed the cancer, even the vegetables were chemically treated with toxins for better growth and sprayed with pesticides, rinsing them, soaking them in vinegar is not going to take out what was put into something as simple as a carrot. 

I went through the week nibbling on toxins until I could find a weapon on the battleground. Organic, cancer-fighting techniques that could actually STOP the progress of all the toxins I’d had in my body. I would halt the growth of the cancer that I was feeding on a daily basis. The little YouCaringFund is essential in helping me in this battle! I thank each and every one of you for fighting this battle WITH me not against me. I love you!

What I’m finding out is that we all have the cancer cells dormant in our body and it's just a matter of time until they wake up and decide to take over all the cells in your body until you no longer have a defense mechanism in place. That small lump is fed day after day by your chemically treated water, your nice big fat juicy steak that was shot up with steroids, your vegetables that were sprayed with toxic chemicals before they were processed and treated to another chemical treatment so they last longer on the shelf.

You’ll say you don’t agree with the way our food is chemically treated, yet day after day your placing chemicals and toxins in your body that you think is good food because you think it was properly handled. Just how was that fish caught out in the Pacific Ocean tasting until the thought of Fukushima Japan had a chemical leak popped into your head? You rinsed it? You cleaned it? And that made it all better? I guess the poison didn’t get into the meat of the fish, huh? 

The following week after my diagnosis, I was told that chemotherapy would be used in the fight of my cancer. Wait a minute, it is the toxins and chemicals in the food and water that got me here and I’m supposed to just let you shoot me up with more toxins and radiation?  I might as well eat all of the Pacific Ocean fish I can, it’s not going to hurt me right? Radiation is good, right?

Research, that’s what I need and you know what I found out? Radiation is not good. Radiation will kill the cancer cells but it will also kill any other immune-boosting cells I have. More research, page after page, hour after hour, the result? I can beat cancer without chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is the LAST resort, not the FIRST resort. 

If you can go into battle with vitamins, oils and hoop-de-la witch doctor fanatics (that’s what everyone believes self-treatment is really) why are people still dying of cancer? Let me put it this way, just because you took the fish out of the water and cleaned him up, it isn’t fighting what built up his muscle throughout his life. 

Holistic healing is just that, HEALING the meat on my body from within with God given herbs, fruits, and vegetables that were essentially put here for us to nurture our bodies with. The almighty dollar got in the way as the government allowed its people to be slowly deprived of the real nutrition that would sustain our life. They shot up our cows and pigs and poultry and gardens as well as our waterways with TOXIC CHEMICALS. We are now junkies relying on our fix and I am fighting back just as any other drug addict would. Do they treat drug addicts with chemo? No, why not? 

Cancer is NOT a death sentence, it is a wake-up call! Am I going to die? Yes, I am but I will go out fighting! Are you going to die? Most definitely, you don’t know when or how no more than I do. Do I want to live? Most definitely, just as much as you do but I’m taking action right now right this minute as I purify my system not toxify. If I continue in cleaning up my body the old way with toxins and poisons, vitamins and supplements will never reach the portion of my biological chemistry that's needed to change the outcome.

Remember, cleaning off the fish is not going to make him healthy enough to eat, he has to be cleansed from the INSIDE and there is only one way to do that, counterattack the toxins in his system. Fish need to be nourished not destroyed. Man needs to start tending his garden now not shooting up to get his fix for another day. 

Back to the movie Little Boy, he believed! He believed he could end the war, he believed he could will his father home, he believed! He had the faith of a mustard seed and that is all we’re asked to have. I BELIEVE I can beat this! I BELIEVE I can win the battle! I don’t believe in chemo so how is that going to help me? I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE!

p.s. If you have a negative opinion and goes against what I BELIEVE please keep it to yourself. It’s not helping, it only adds negativity to an ocean of positivity. 

Top Ten Trigger List

acidic vs akaline

An alkaline chart:

Matt. 17:20  "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Working Through Resentment

1 Sam. 2:3 “Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed.”

Working Through Resentment

Working through resentment is a tough pill to swallow. It is so hard to just forgive and let go but this is truly what I’m trying to do, if only the pain didn’t go so deep. I feel like I’m swimming in an ocean with no life preserver and I’m sinking due to the weight of resentment laying heavy on me at this time. 

I resent having to eliminate much of my facebook feed to only see three or four friends that I KNOW aren’t out to butt kiss and show off. They’re actual people with things to say and post things of actual interest to me. I think the root of the problem is my actual resentment towards facebook for not being a friendly place anymore and just being a load of political zombie garbage that no one wants to take out, they just dump it in the ocean and swim. 

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” 

― Mahatma Gandhi

Who would’ve thought that Gandhi would be helping me out in this? Not me that’s for sure but I don’t judge a man because of his faith and religion and I admire a man of words, real words. But I’m sure there is someone out there ready to chide me for my choices. Oh well, such is life.

“With each opportunity before me, God presented me with a choice. I could accept His offerings, His wisdom, His grace. Or I could choose to hold onto the pain, the anger and the resentment a little longer.” 

― Sharon E. Rainey

I could go on and on of the list of the resentment war path that has curled up inside of me like a snake warming itself but seriously I’d rather work through the resentment and find a healing place where I can find solace and be free to think of my own fruition instead of having to daily build walls. But please know I do have someone ready to clean up the mess I leave behind. God is by my side all the way and I find He wants this healing from me too. He’s brought along the shovel so as we climb the mountain together we can shovel this mess over the side of a cliff and release it to the air.

I can in good conscience say this didn’t all start with the political postings that get on my last nerve, no this began when I lost my father and I’ve had a hard time dealing with the surfacing of resentment that bubbled up from the pit. 

Mrs. Peppity-Pep Goodie-two-shoes is pooped out. I’m tired, I’m done. I just can’t put on the brave face and act like nothing bothers me when here lately looking at me the wrong way will get you your head chopped off. People reach out their hand only to pull it back (fear of it being chopped off?) People know of my disability but they expect so much more than my pea brain can manage. They want to help but do nothing. How is offering to help someone by a few words helping someone, with no follow through?

My friends, I’ve said it before and I will say it time and time again that actions speak louder than words. Your actions hurt people more than help. I was already struggling not to go down into the pit but add the hate-spewers to the mix and they forced me into the pit like dunking my head under water and holding it there. Thank you. Now go on with your life pretending to be who you are not and feel good about yourself. Just know that your ignorance shines brighter than ANY scripture you can post. The bad/evil does not outweigh the good. 

I wanna be the one to walk in the sun, oh yeah, I just wanna have fun. Oh yeah I just wanna have fun. ~ similar to Cyndi Lauper’s, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. 

Am I still grieving? No, my dad is at peace and I find peace in knowing he is safe and happy. Am I depressed? Yes, the world suffocates me and I’m laughed at for my beliefs although I don’t carry that laughter with me, instead I carry God with me, the very one you claim to believe but do nothing to follow. Again, ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS.

I will lower my head for now and work through my resentment. I’ll work through the anguishing pain (another thing no one understands) and I’ll go forward into the spring with dandelion bouquets sprouted on my lawn and I will appreciate their beauty for all that they are!

I will read this poem below as daily as I pray. I will hear the words in my heart and I will find a healing place. Away from you, away from the negative flow, away from the pain burning inside me. 

Godspeed…

REMEMBER THE LOTUS FLOWER

Great people will always be mocked by those

Who feel smaller than them.

A lion does not flinch at laughter coming from a hyena.

A gorilla does not budge from a banana thrown at it by a monkey.

A nightingale does not stop singing its beautiful song

At the intrusion of an annoying woodpecker.

Whenever you should doubt your self-worth, remember the lotus flower.

Even though it plunges to life from beneath the mud,

It does not allow the dirt that surrounds it

To affect its growth or beauty.

Be that lotus flower always.

Do not allow any negativity or ugliness

In your surroundings

Destroy your confidence,

Affect your growth,

Or make you question your self-worth.

It is very normal for one ugly weed

to not want to stand alone.

Remember this always.

If you were ugly,

Or just as small as they feel they are,

Then they would not feel so bitter and envious

Each and every time they are forced

To glance up at magnificently

Divine YOU.

― Suzy Kassem

Poetry Sunday ~ Help Me, Lord

Pss. 12:1 Help, LORD; for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men.

Help Me Lord

Help me Lord it’s been a long day

My body is failing I begin to sway.

Through the mist I see them rise,

Mangy wolves in disguise.

They rant, they rave through it all

bellowing out a howling call.

Looking like sheep dressed in white

Prowling on innocence in the night

They saunter along and show their claws

Prying open my self-made walls.

I stand alone they circle ‘round

To steal the Light in me they’ve found.

In one fell swoop they’re whisked away

My Holy Savior saves the day.

Help me Lord, to always see

The You that found a part of me.

Help Me Lord

Pss. 12:1 Help, LORD; for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men.

Help Me Lord

Help me Lord it’s been a long day

My body is failing I begin to sway.

Through the mist I see them rise,

Mangy wolves in disguise.

They rant, they rave through it all

bellowing out a howling call.

Looking like sheep dressed in white

Prowling on innocence in the night

They saunter along and show their claws

Prying open my self-made walls.

I stand alone they circle ‘round

To steal the Light in me they’ve found.

In one fell swoop they’re whisked away

My Holy Savior saves the day.

Help me Lord, to always see

The You that found a part of me.

 

 

 

 

 

All Tied Up?

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
***

Did you ever notice people with the means to help, don’t. And the people without the means, do? Or at least want to. I think I remain poor because even if I was a popular published novel writer, my money would be flung out the window, handed off to people who need it!

I have family members who make more than $100,00 thousand a year, and ones who make less than $25,000 a year. Wanna know who helps in our dire time of need? Yup you guessed it, the ones with the least amount to give. And if you ask the ones with more than enough money for help? They tell you they don’t have it, their money is all tied up. What does that even mean? Oh wait...it is in savings for THEM, so THEY have a good life, for the rest of their lives. Poo, on those who have nothing, get a job they say. Well! I don’t need you, I have GOD, and YOU have your place carved out for you.

More so than that, the ones without don’t even need to ask if I need help. Have you ever seen the man with raggedy clothing on the street corner, cup in hand, sign on ground, NEED FOOD, some call them ‘bums’, some say they are derelicts, some whisper, ‘street trash’, I say the are ‘homeless’ victims.

Why victims? Because they became a victim of circumstance. Please don’t give me the story on these men and women, how they are just out for booze. Sucking off of ‘good taxpaying people’. Do you hear how wrong that sounds? I grew up in the city, Baltimore city, and the homeless could be seen sleeping on top of steaming sewer drains, they will carry their ‘home’ with them, usually a cardboard box, a lot of times a shopping cart filled with a coat and boxes that they would roll around the streets from one place to the next.

It was always so sad to see these men AND women clinging to the very edge of society. A misfit among the human race, pushed there by disease? Hard times? Society? Or Family? I have been on the edge of that line numerous times but God has always sought someone to reach out to me and bring me something, anything in my time of NEED, not want. God is the only saving Grace during these hard times of need, and having real Christians surround you and pull you together into their arms, that is what you NEED!

Sure we all want a nice home, a warm home with a car outside waiting for us to jump in, clothes on our backs, and food on our plates. We also want that new blouse we saw at JCPenny’s, or that purse we saw at Macy’s, or the new sofa we saw at the Furniture Store. But those are all WANTS and nothing that you really NEED.

I NEED my state of mental health, and the Greed Factory is not where I’ll ever visit anytime soon. You enjoy your time there and if you see someone who resembles Jesus, in need, tell him you can’t help, “YOUR money is all tied up.” See how that works for you.

Hebrews 13:1-2 "Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares".

But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mk 10:43-45 (NLT)

Writing Tips!

Some helpful tips to get those keys on the keyboard tapping (or pen rolling)

1. Free-write without stopping.

This is where you pick a word, picture, idea, and start writing about the subject without stopping. You can write about your day, your mother or sister, your dog or pet, anything, just to write something.

2. Don’t make plans ahead of time

Just write the first thing that comes into your mind. Don’t debate whether it is a good topic or whether you’ll have enough to say, just keep writing.

3. Always keep tapping the keys on the keyboard. (Or keep the pen moving on the paper)

Don’t glance up to see if you’re making mistakes. (Or stop writing when you catch a mistake on paper.) Turn the internal editor OFF. There will be plenty of time for editing when you’ve written a few thousand words.

4. Sometimes it is helpful to have classical (or what ever you prefer) music to help you along.

If it becomes a distraction, turn it off and find whatever puts YOU in the mood. Is it complete silence? Is it background noise that helps? Maybe its rock & roll? Lit candles?

5. Make your workspace fun and enlightening.

Having yourself surrounded in tranquility can help those stressful days of no-writing and turn them into productive days of key tapping.

6. Write with confidence.

If you are a writer, then having the confidence of a writer means that you will accomplish something on any given day. We, as writer’s can not say, “I’m not good enough.” That shows lack of confidence in your writing. When you sit down in front of the keyboard, repeat after me, “I AM a WRITER!” Then write your heart out!

7. Study the craft

Make sure you have studied long and hard the craft that you are about to embark on. Roads have been paved for you, sure you can make your own paths, but if you lack the confidence of ever becoming a writer, it is for certain that you will NEVER become a published writer.

8. Step out of the box

You need to find a place where you fit in comfortably. Maybe you like non-fiction, spiritual tales, horror tales or sci-fi. Whatever the case may be. Don’t be afraid of stepping out of that comfort zone and trying on new clothes. Sometimes you might find a comfortable fit in sweats and a tee, but never be afraid of trying on that little black dress. Meaning, write what is NOT in your box for a change!

9. Show determination

If you are not determined to be a writer, how will you expect to ever become a published writer? Writing for family can be rewarding, but are they hearing what editor’s are reading? No, editors expect professionalism from you and it is your determination to strive for the best that will make the editor stand up and say, “Now THIS shows promise!” Give them your best!

10. NEVER GIVE UP!

I say this because there will come a time when you just feel like throwing your work in the trash, times when you wish you could curl up in a ball and wish this talent away. But I’m afraid to tell you, that if it is a true talent, it will haunt your days and nights like the ghost of Christmas past, present and future all rolled into one!