Against The Wind

Mark 6:47-48 (NIV) "Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the 

lake, and he was alone on land. He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them.” 

Against the Wind

When you’re in as much pain as me, you have a lot of time to just sit and think. Sitting is not good for me because the longer I sit the harder it is to get back up. But lo and behold, I’ve had time to think.

I have a dear friend who worries about me. I love that anyone thinks of me but this friend goes above and beyond in caring for me and well yes, he’s concerned about my progress, understandably so. 

I was moving along so nicely, appeared to be healing at record speed then BAM! It seemed to halt. What on earth happened? I tried analyzing and over analyzing but in time (God's time) I figured it out. A raging wind came that’s what happened, tossing me about to and fro.

Mark 6:48 “And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them.”

Did you ever notice that when you pray, you sometimes (mostly all the time) have to wait for an answer? Some of the time we don’t get the answer we want because we hastily let our minds go to work instead of allowing God to do His job. Yup, that was me. As much as I say I’m listening to God, I strayed off course because I wanted things done in my time!

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Nebraska doesn’t have the tumultuous waters but it does have the horrendous gusting winds to either push or halt me in its path. I was sailing along enjoying my journey, patting myself on the back, admiring my own strength, and could actually see and feel a healing taking place as I soared. Then the winds came and stopped me and my ego in its tracks.

Well, it was morning when I tried writing, it is now afternoon and the zone has closed. I hope I can get back to the point I was trying to make if this gives me a chance. I notice whenever I try saying how good God is, something causes this to crash and it was crashing like mad this morning but now I’ve gotten more than five sentences in without a crash. I know as soon as I get in the zone it will crash, or some higher force in the realm of my computer's insides is fixing the little hidden bugs that are trying to keep me from writing.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah…getting the wind knocked out of me by the gusty winds. I was soaring along in my healing when I suddenly got the wind knocked out of me but the unseen force was more my arrogance, in hindsight. I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong and I can blame the wheat bread, the gluten, the one time cheat but I knew deep down none of that was the cause. 

I prayed. For months I prayed and while I wanted an answer pronto as I kept writing, and my concerned friend kept asking, I was at a loss why I was not getting the response I wanted or the time frame I wanted. Well, because GOD IS IN CONTROL, not me and He’ll respond when HE is good and ready. I need to learn patience! And it would do good if my friends knew patience as well. [winkwink]

Last week when I had my mowing spree and I even weed whacked; my underarm started hurting, quite specifically my lymph node on the side of the tumor. It had been showing signs of swelling and I just thought oh great add a thunderstorm to the mix of pain. As the sea swelled and I was being tossed around, pain, cane, back, everything swirled and swirled around me and I was just ready to give up and eat whatever I want and give up on this whole protocol thing. Put me in a hospice and let me go. 

I didn’t bail on my protocol, or on the rough seas churning about, I continued to paddle against the wind. I looked up on google ‘pain in lymph nodes' the other night and was reminded (I covered this when I was first diagnosed) that the lymph nodes are our defense mechanism. If they are swelled then they are in there kicking butt against an invading illness.

Google response: “Lymph nodes become swollen in response to illness, infection, or stress. Swollen lymph nodes are one sign that your lymphatic system is working to rid your body of the responsible agents.”

Last year upon diagnosis, I was told they were going to slice this tumor out of my breast and take some lymph nodes with it. Can you imagine? Had they taken my lymph nodes, I have nothing in my immune system fighting FOR me, they would destroy a portion of me that I NEEDED to heal!

Did you ever notice that when you pray, you sometimes (mostly all the time) have to wait for an answer? Some of the time we don’t get the answer we want because we hastily let our minds go to work instead of allowing God to do His job. Yup, that was me. As much as I say I’m listening to God, I strayed off course because I wanted things done in my time!

When I checked out lymph nodes on google and as I already knew, lymph nodes are a defense mechanism. My swelled nodes had me concerned and my husband of course worries with every pain I have so I try not to tell anyone anything because they read too much into it and want a hasty healing, not the slow one that the CANCER seas are going to take a person on. It is what it is, my friends, cancer is ugly no matter what route you take on the healing journey. This illness can't just be prayed away, or expected to miraculously disappear.

What causes lymph nodes to swell? I repeat! Google says: "Lymph nodes become swollen in response to illness, infection, or stress. Swollen lymph nodes are one sign that your lymphatic system is working to rid your body of the responsible agents." 

Read that people! LYMPHATIC SYSTEM WORKING TO RID THE BODY of [FOREIGN AGENTS]. My lymph nodes that doctors wanted to take away are in there FIGHTING FOR ME! Had they taken them away, I'd have nothing to defend me against this crud. My immune system would be shot, my nodes gone, and I'd be disfigured, more than the forty-seven pounds of weight loss has granted me. 

My Bible Gateway email this [yesterday]morning spoke directly to me! I was carried away by the storm not seeing the full picture.

Mind you that all this week the emails were about college or kids getting out of school etc. etc, but this [yesterday] morning it was targeted RIGHT AT ME! While I'm out here in the midst of a storm, Jesus hasn't forgotten about me, no not at all, He's right here WITH me! Imagine how foolish I felt when I'm always telling everyone else to have patience then realize I wasn't being patient myself! I was just as eager as you to see this crud OVER and DONE WITH! 

My prayers were answered in this little email and in prayer. God is still with me and has been all along! No, the crud is not over and done with, we still have a long way to go but the one thing I can say is that through the back-breaking daily pain, through every step with my cane, I know God is with me as I heal! The first half of my journey, when I was walking and soaring, was what the finished product will look like. Now, this half of the journey is the pain and suffering I must endure, the cross I must carry. Imagine if the first leg of the journey was all pain and suffering. I may have never made it to the second or third part of the journey. I would've given up! Allowed fear and negativity to show me the way. Now that I know what I'll look like healed I am all the more determined to see this through to the end. 

God works in mysterious ways, my friends. Trust and patience are the tools to see you through. I am no longer sailing against the winds. I'm riding along with them, and am at a place where I am SUPPOSED to be; not where everyone thinks I should be, or where I WANT to be, but where God has positioned me, in His time! 

All praise and Glory to God! 

 Isaiah 41:10 (NIV), “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

You're Not Alone

Proverbs 11:2  “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

You're Not Alone

Today I am humbled. My Biblical email was once again aimed right at me. What do I gain from these emails? Insight, insight to the realization I’m not alone. 

I often think about the women who have gone before me on this journey of what I deem The Pink Parade. The journey of a patient who decided to trust in the chemo route. For years they were poked and prodded, sliced and diced, radiated and drugged, only to succumb to the battle in the end.

Then I think of the women who went the same route and survived, they are the leaders of the Pink Parade. Then there are the women who made it halfway through the chemo route and said no way, there has to be something besides the vomiting and sickness and weakness in their knees. 

In the back of my mind are the women who went full throttle into the Natural route. These women are struggling daily too but no one hears the murmurs. No one connects to the pain that they endure on a frequent basis. They’re out there alone, sometimes with no connections, friends, or family to help them along. It is to them I wish my voice to be heard. You’re not alone!

James 1:2-3 “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.”

After the couple of weeks I’ve had, of feeling so alone and isolated in a world overflowing with people, the Word steps right into my heart and soul in the strangest and most mystical of ways. It gives me the clarity that I am not alone and never will be as long as I hold His Word snuggled close to my heart. There is a purpose to all of this and quite ironically, it is finding joy in my suffering.

I am humbled when I think of all of the women out there struggling, fighting, winning or losing, defeating or claiming victory, they’re out there, just moving on! 

Only through my suffering can I convey a message of hope. Only through this journey of my choice can I find the patience needed to get me through just one more day of living, writing, telling my story. Some days I cry out to God and say, “Please no more. I just can’t!” He lets me know quite frankly that, “YES YOU CAN!” When He puts it like that, I tend to sit up and listen to Him. He wants me to write. He’s given me a talent and if gone unused then I have wasted my life and His time but trust me, none of us are a waste of His time. 

James 1:22 “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.”

I’ve put a hold on scanning mounds of websites that hold information on this Natural Path I’m walking down. I found part of my struggle with this illness was due to too much information, then contradictory information that shrouded me in uncertainty. It then went on to cloud my judgment with a dose of paranoia. That had to stop. 

While I want to reach out and help all of the people I can, I need more time for healing myself right now. My research is now leading me to discover if my supplementation, my arsenal, has run its course and do I need to bring about a change in course. It’s a slow learning curve but heck, I have time to jump back in and research to save myself.

There are certain vitamins/herbs in my regimen that won’t be changed and mainly Vitamin C, D3, magnesium, selenium, quercetin, curcumin, turmeric, and of course my B12’s. I may add some vitamins A., B17, E, and K but research is still ongoing for those. I love learning but I love healing even more and with every passing day, my patience is tried and tested but I just keep moving on, day after day.

With these few passing weeks of a setback, I realized that it is not much unlike a derailed train, it takes time to get back on track, and no swift kick in the butt or change of cars is going to make it a speedy transition. Time, patience, humility, and determination will see that the train gets back on track.

While we live in a NEW generation of toxic exposure, some may feel that glyphosate, Round-up, GMO’s are not going to have an impact on their lives. My how wrong they are in that assumption. If your children or grandchildren were born in the seventies and eighties, I can guarantee 100% those toxic exposures are impacting their lives, their children’s lives, and YOUR life. We live in a generation now where we have a great percentage of our population addicted to drugs. The pharmaceutical industry has impacted your life! Drugs are toxic, plain and simple. Autism, ADHD, MS, autoimmune disorders are all at an all-time high. All of these diseases are impacts of the toxic generation.

Taken from the site Autoimmune causes: 
BOTTOM LINE:
Researchers don’t know exactly what causes autoimmune diseases. Diet, infections, and exposure to chemicals might be involved. 

Read that and listen loud and clear, the 21st century and we STILL don’t know the causes but they expect us to be led like cows to slaughter and just accept what it is, a way of life. *I* will not accept my disease as a way of life! That is what’s happened over the years, people have had their heads buried in the sand, or now their iPhones and no longer look up to see the reality of death that is consuming the world and their very own families.

I AM NOT ALONE! YOU are not alone! There are thousands of people like myself who have lifted their eyes and see the world for what it is, a toxic wasteland, just as it is in the movie Wall-E. I can’t just turn a blind eye to the brunt of the truth before me. My grandchildren, my nieces and nephews and their children are all going to be living in this wasteland and we’ve done nothing to stop the invasion of garbage except just leave everyone alone, mind your own business and just live! Accept it as 'it is what it is'.

The way I see it [life], we all got a raw deal! It’s what we do with that raw deal, like change it into a banquet of blessings for the future generations or stick your head back in the sand. Life will go on for generations to come. Some will get to see the New Earth some will be too busy trying to get their heads out of the sand. 

Isa. 66:22 “For as the new heavens and the new earth, which I will make, shall remain before me, saith the LORD, so shall your seed and your name remain.”

Rev. 21:1 “And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.”

This mornings dawning of a new day! 

GOD BLESS ONE AND ALL!

What Can I Do For You?

Dan. 10:10 “And, behold, a hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and upon the palms of my hands.”

I asked Him, what can I do for you?

As I teeter on the brink of the beginning of the Lenten season, I asked what I could do for God. As in earlier years when I talk to God, He listens intently then gives me a softly whispered reply. This year his reply was ‘think about it’. What? Think about what? No, He’s not a God of confusion I knew what He meant but like so many other people who pray and want a simple answer, it is what it is, a simple reply.

You see, in years past I sacrificed by giving up meat, or Pepsi, one year I was told to blog for forty-five days straight. Since my illness has me sacrificing basically everything and He knows I’ve been a stoic woman strict in my protocol, God called for something different from me that I wasn’t expecting. Think about it. Now, you’re wondering, what, what did He want you to think about.

Here goes… He wanted me to prayerfully think about everything. Wow, that’s a tall order, you might say. Seriously, to me, it doesn’t seem like a sacrifice at all, and I wanted to do something grand, but there it is, ‘think about it’ plain and simple. 

Now you being on the outside looking into my window, reading my thoughts I put on my screen, you’re now thinking about it. Define ‘it’ if you can. Not so simple is it?

Before I write, I need to think of what I’m going to say. Before I pray I need to think what will be heard. Before I judge I need to think about the truth and if it will do more damage than good. Before I speak, I need to think. You might be saying that this is a quite simple task but not for me, the person still being molded into all He created me to be.

He knows me all too well, He knows I have a tendency to jump to a conclusion without thinking the scenario through and reacting to that too swiftly. Now He’s asking me to think before I act. You might be saying to yourself, “Oh I do that all the time.” Maybe you do but I don’t. Right there is a perfect example, I was going to write, “Yeah but you drink, eat, and fill yourself with toxins…” but I stopped and thought. Wow, He's quick! 

Yeah, it’s not going to be easy for me to think first. Luckily I have two more days to tell you what I really think. I’m kidding. I always speak my mind and sometimes, or so I’ve been told, I can be brutal in my honesty. I need to think before I speak/write and put my words more softly on the page before tapping out my aggravations. I can save my aggravations for my private pages of writing but even then, I will filter my thoughts and think first. You don’t know how challenging this is going to be for me. 

Now many of you might be familiar with the ‘Daniel Fast’, Lent is not the Daniel Fast. Lent is the season of remembrance of the days leading up to the Crucifixion of Christ, forty-five days to be more precise. They are similar in their purpose, to become spiritually closer to God, hunger for Him, physically and mentally in everything we do.

While some of you younger Christians, new to the faith, might misunderstand all of the activity surrounding lent and anything to do with fasting, let me try to explain it, gently. 

Let’s say you’re a new driver, what do you do to prepare for the exam? You study, you study your heart out so you pass, right? No, Christianity is not a test or the preparation for one, get that out of your head right now. New to the faith, you will read and read, and study the bible over and over until you feel comfortable with where you’re driving your life.

God is not a God who wants you comfortable because comfort causes complacency. God is a God of growth, we can only grow if we give new life to the skills we already have. We’ve studied and learned, we’ve passed the test but now we’re comfortable driving, in any kind of weather, we are in the driver seat. There it is, you are NOT in the driver seat. As a weathered Christian, you’ll learn quite quickly that God is always in the driver seat.

With your license in hand, well versed in driving the open roads, you need to learn something new that will enable you to drive on an ice skating rink. This is where fasting comes in; to spiritually grow we need knowledge and to fill up the tank for the long drive. Since we’re smug in our sense of security, if you’ve lived in Florida all of your life and you move to Colorado, you’ll quickly realize there is more to learn with your driving skills. There is always more to learn as a Christian. God does not like conceited Christians.

Fasting humbles the soul. I’m reminded of the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:3-12

Blessed are the poor in spirit, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are they who mourn, 

for they shall be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek, 

for they shall inherit the earth. 

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 

for they shall be satisfied. 

Blessed are the merciful, 

for they shall obtain mercy. 

Blessed are the pure of heart, 

for they shall see God. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

for they shall be called children of God. 

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." 

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

The Daniel Fast (Old Testament) is the epitome of the Beatitudes (New Testament). God wants us to draw spiritually closer to Him. He knows we don’t have much time left. He calls each and every one of us to be filled with the Spirit and He also knows the only way for humans to appreciate all that we have is by taking something away, hence the fasting. It brings about a spiritual closeness to God that we may have never comprehended. We allowed our egos to drive our car and control our every step for far too long. Now I’m going to ask you, my friends, to ‘think about it’, plain and simple.

Eph. 6:10 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.”

Luke 22:43 “And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.”

Standing Strong

Prov. 24:10 "If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small."

Standing Strong 

Without even being aware of what tension would rise I thought a writing course would be a good soothing exercise. I thought wrong. I love writing for my blog as much as I can and it feels therapeutic. I’ve been moving along at a nice pace as healing is taking place. Feeling good about myself I wanted a distraction via a fiction-writing course from all the illness talk. I realized I don’t know how to separate my fact from fiction.

The writing course claims that you should have a completed fictional SHORT STORY by the end of six lessons. I’ve taken this course many times over the years so I knew what to expect, expect the unexpected I thought heading into the course. What I didn’t expect was a classroom of five to seven people working on their novels in progress. Writers are awesome people, as diverse as a bag of Skittles even more diverse when they’re mixed with a bag of M&M’s! 

I decided to center my SHORT STORY on Faith and Hope, characters of a fictional tale but too close to my nonfiction story for my taste. I realized I didn’t like writing fiction at all. I do have an entire novel sitting in my files untouched for years, still nestled in the first draft stages. I also have a couple of short stories in my files that I won’t take the time to send them through the rigors of being picked apart by critique. I did learn a lot this round of taking this course. Everything I taught at one time being a mentor was dismantled, I watched my work being shredded not guided in any way. I wound up rewriting my short story for a final revision and it lost all the poetic substance of the entire tale. To me, my story became do-do on a shoe.

Tension, that only I knew was taking place, began about the third week. I wanted to drop the course but I also really wanted to complete the beloved class where I originally met so many of my current dear friends thirteen years ago. I continued on being the trooper that I am until I finally completed the sixth lesson of my short story.

I wondered why I set myself up for this adversity but it’s not much unlike when I post something on facebook to get a reaction when it’s the reaction I don’t like, I tend to tense up completely. Why do I bother? That is exactly what I felt like by lesson six, why did I bother? Let me give you a bit of advice, when taking a trip down memory lane don’t expect the same sensation you felt originally. The memory is in the past for a reason, it is over and done with and cannot be recreated in any way, shape or form. Lesson learned.

I was taught that if you’re going to say something negative about someone’s work, reinforce it with something positive. I didn’t feel much of anything positive coming through my screen. The feeling may have just been my tension build-up and I, not wanting to continue, reflected the negativity I saw. In other words, it was more than likely just my irritated mind arousing the tension.

What did I learn from this session of the writing course? Anything goes. You can work on your novel in progress and you’ll receive pats on the back for defying what the true intention of the SHORT STORY course is about. You’ll be rewarded for going against the grain. You’ll be held accountable for not understanding proper punctuation and you might even feel shamed into taking a punctuation course so your writing can get better. Your words will be pulled apart like shredded cheese and tossed on the floor for you to pick up the pieces and put back together.

So basically my writing sucks. THIS is why I’m sticking to my blog writing! Fiction is not for me at this juncture in my life. Nonfiction writing whether misspelled or punctuated wrong on my blog is MY journal style writing that releases my tension and saves me days and weeks of unnecessary pressure. I thought I was ready for open criticism but I think I still have a way to go.

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." 

~ Albert Einstein

Yesterday to release a ton of tension I went shopping. As anyone who knows me knows that I’m not a person who splurges on things. These past ten months my main purchases were vitamins, organic vegetables, three pairs of pants from the Goodwill and that’s about it. I’ve never acquired a taste for spending money. I wouldn’t say I’m a miser, I just like to purchase necessities over extravagances.

My mother sent me a Christmas gift back in October and she told me to buy myself something nice. You also know that my mother has no idea I’m fighting this illness. My first thought was to use the money in my fight of this disease but yesterday I woke, putting on my twenty-five-year-old winter shoes, I realized I never splurge and buy myself anything. With hubby off of work, I asked him if he wanted to go shopping and off we went. I bought two pairs of winter shoes/boots and eight nonfiction books all for sixty bucks! I’m a frugal shopper. Yay, me!

Shopping, reading nonfiction, and coloring in my adult-aged coloring books I received last Christmas released much of my tension. I am now once again on a recovering path. I think I’ll just stick to my journal style writing for a while. Just so you know, I’ve had diaries all of my life and not once did I concern myself with restructuring, grammar etiquette or revisions. I wrote to release tension and that is what I’m going to continue on my blog. Thanks for any and all understanding.

Prov. 19: 25 "Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge."

Let Go And Let God: Willpower

Matt. 4:23 “And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people.”

Let go and let God: My Willpower

Okay, I realize now I’m the strong one. What would knock someone out completely has me falling apart for a day, maybe, then jumping back up and coming out swinging! Do you remember those weighted punching bags you’d hit over and over and they’d bounce right back in your face? Yup, that’s me!

I have to attribute my strength to God because He is all I’ve known all of my life. He gives me strength to go on in life day after day when a lot of people would rather just give up. I can’t give up, I have a purpose! (No, Naven jokes please.)

I see so many people struggling and only wish I could reach out and help but right now I am so focused on my healing I feel reaching out and giving my ‘Let go and let God sermon’ might be hurtful to a non-believer or a person who just doesn’t want to hear those words. He is all I know, so if you come to me for advice, if you look to me for inspiration, all that you will see is my sermon in action, I let go and let God be the driver every single minute! 

I didn’t give him much credit in driving my willpower vehicle. I didn’t even think I had any. I had hit a brick wall and I was repairing my banged up vehicle when the diagnosis of a lifetime came tapping on my door. I realized right then and there that God pushed me out of the driver seat (because after all, I did bang up my vehicle pretty bad) and He was willing to repair the damage I caused, as always.

What happened the day after my diagnosis is this, I saw a thread on grandma’s afghan. With curiosity in my fingertips, eyebrows raised, I pulled the string to see just where this path was going to lead me. Wouldn’t you know, in two months time the afghan is almost completely unraveled as I am on a warpath of HEALING! 

My first step was taking the afghan and wrapping it around me for warmth. I prayed. I normally pray for everyone else but the next few days my prayer vigil was consumed with me. I prayed for me; for insight, for strength, knowledge, healing and a host of other things. Don’t get me wrong, I put aside time to pray for others in the day but honestly, my prayer was for me the majority of the time.

I was living my sermon, let go and let God. I released everything in a weeks time when I had to visit onc. #1. Sure, she knocked me down like the punching bag but prayer, friends, and love had me rebounding! 

I knew there were things I’d have to do to see this healing through. A drastic change would have to take place and I’d have to pull every bit of strength from the very fiber of my being to tackle this; willpower! Let go and let God!

Healing takes more than taking supplements and I knew this. I’ve learned how other people were healing and what they did, my prayers were being answered daily as I was led to one healing place or another and my willpower kicked into high gear as I put my sermon into action. God was in the driver seat and I was trusting Him as each thread of the afghan was coming unraveled. 

I was being led to Dr. Mercola, Ty Bollinger (The Truth About Cancer), and Chris Wark (Chrisbeatcancer) among other sites that I’d use in my fight against the Nazi oncology invasion! I say Nazi Oncology not loosely, I use it factually. 
From google: “When did chemotherapy start?
The era of cancer chemotherapy began in the 1940s with the first use of nitrogen mustards and folic acid antagonist drugs. Cancer drug development has exploded since then into a multibillion-dollar industry.”

Did you read that, a multi-billion dollar industry? Did you know we basically funded the annihilation of millions of people in Germany? It’s amazing what a little research will find. 

What do the Nuremberg Trials have to do with doctors and Bayer pharmaceuticals? CLICK the links to LEARN. the Doctor's and the Natural News the Big Pharma. 

I do not CARE how much fake science says that mustard gas and chemo are the way to sending this disease into ‘remission’ note, not CURING. I have a spiritual God who has and WILL and does DAILY overthrow false, manipulated science and all they try to mislead people into believing. Pluto not a planet, anyone?

Why would God lead me down this path of discovery if he WANTED me to do chemo? Would He falsely mislead me, would God now become a deceiver in my life? Could satan be using my STRONG faith against me and lead me to this place? The answer is NO! God is, and always will be in control of MY vehicle! And please, your opinion and lack of trust and faith in the God I believe in wholeheartedly will not sway my decision in moving forward with HIM! 

Why would I be led to Spiritually Healing the wrongs in my past? Why would I be led to turmeric, Frankincense, myrrh and the numerous other healing supplements? Why would I be allowed to HEAL if this was not from God? I only know of One Healer! Jesus HEALED the maimed, the blind, the demon possessed, the woman who bled for twelve years, Jesus was put here on this earth to HEAL and that is EXACTLY what is happening to me right this moment! Yes, I DID sign up for the weekly newsletter and FREE report in the link above, TYVM!

When people see me, they see God in action, healing taking place, the strength of my willpower to overcome what ails me. What they don’t see is the clawing my way out of the hell that science and man has placed as an obstruction. People don’t see me daily fighting the enemy. Taking the good and the bad is all the form that willpower takes and the positive truth wins in the end! 

To find the truth that our country, our very government, keeps from us has to be dug up, researched and researched because I think we all know, our governments LIE to us and keeps the truth hidden!

Why is there successful cancer treatment centers in Tijuana Mexico? Why are the Germans leading the cutting edge technology in finding a CURE for cancer? Why is the world finding healing spots for individuals but America doesn’t WANT to find healing for the sick? I’ll tell you why I can’t find a HEALING practitioner in Nebraska, MONEY! It all boils down to where the money is at and HEALING is NOT where the money is, pacifying the Big Pharma corporations is and getting people suckered into a $315,000 YEARLY chemo cancer treatment, per patient is where all the money is! Keeping people addicted to drugs is where the money is located. And you’re wondering why I’m choosing God to treat and HEAL me? Because it is HIM whom I trust more than ANYONE!

In the coming posts, I will show the non-toxic supplements I’m using. I’ll let you into my wonderful herbivore world with the meals that are sustaining me. I’ll allow you to see the spiritual aspects of my healing from prayer to nature’s essential oils, from healing music to physical exercise and the new lease I have on life with my strengthened-everyday-willpower. You can't heal a portion of the body to heal the entire body. One must heal the WHOLE ENTIRE body; mind, body, and spirit! 

Gen. 1: 29 “And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”

I am winning the battle, although the road is still long, and the finish line is far off downstream, I’m visibly HEALING. At times when I see one set of footprints, it is then that God is carrying me! This week, with the clouds, rain, and dampness, God has asked me to rest. Not from writing, from walking. He knows how determined I am so He’s asked me to take a small break to allow more healing to take place. Today marks nine weeks—on we go friends. 

God bless every one of you on the journey He’s placed you! 

Rev. 22: 2 “In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.”

*edited because it is important to the Grammar Nazi's that my words be perfect. 

The Crusades

Image from google

Jer. 30:24 "The fierce anger of the LORD shall not return, until he have done it, and until he have performed the intents of his heart: in the latter days ye shall consider it."

I have to admit most of my blogging ideas are from what (mainly BS) people post on Facebook. I like reading their stories (lies or truth), then researching them on my own and dig into what the truth really is that they might have missed. People laugh if I use Snopes because they know where the REAL truth is at another site. I won’t say I use Google either because my way of research is old and outdated. So are my paperback encyclopedias if you MUST know.

I sure wish everyone sought out the truth and researched a little before they post ‘THEIR truth’ because one person’s truth is another person’s lies. Take for example Pink Elephants, no, not pink skinned pink tusks. That poor post is almost as old as me (not) but you get my meaning right? Lies go viral quicker than truth and so I’m left digging and digging for posts on the internet to see what everyone else says on the matter. If I find ten pages in agreement I tend to see it as truth, however if I find as many pages that disagree, I tend to find a person disillusioned.

The Crusades picked my interest for some reason. Maybe because I’m always touting that I’m all about LOVE and I see surrounding me a world full of HATE. It’s not just about blacks and foreigner hate, it’s about Muslim hate. The Crusade happened centuries ago and I had to research what they were talking about. 

Ah, the Holy War. 

Some info from Wikipedia:

What were the Crusades?

The Crusades were military campaigns sanctioned by the Latin Roman Catholic Church during the High Middle Ages and Late Middle Ages. In 1095 Pope Urban II proclaimed the First Crusade with the stated goal of restoring Christian access to holy places in and near Jerusalem.

What is the purpose of the Crusades?

In 1095, Pope Urban II proclaimed the First Crusade with the stated goal of restoring Christian access to holy places in and near Jerusalem. Following the First Crusade there was an intermittent 200-year struggle for control of the Holy Land, with seven more major crusades and numerous minor ones.

Who fought in the crusades?

Jews and Muslims fought together to defend Jerusalem against the invading Franks. On 15 July 1099 the crusaders entered the city. They proceeded to massacre the remaining Jewish and Muslim civilians and pillaged or destroyed mosques and the city itself.

The History of the Crusades.

Some things are really standing out to me as I read about the Crusades like this one:

“crusading was an act of Christian love and piety that compensated for and paid the penalties earned by sin.”

Wow! I had a flashback to my youth when in Catholic school I was told I HAD to do penance, tell a priest my sin to be forgiven by God. I adamantly stated at 13 years old, that ‘NO MAN can forgive my sin! Only God can do that and HE already has. I have no sin to repent of!’ That didn’t go over too well and I was not allowed to be ‘confirmed’ therefore halting the seven sacraments I HAD to do to become Catholic. As a note, this is when I converted to Christianity, against my father’s wishes.

Upon reading about the Crusades and who fought in the wars, I see a part of me that let go of a religion that has consumed centuries of time and wars. Why did the Popes believe the Holy Land belonged to THEM? Did they think that they alone own the rights to Christ? I understand that they wanted safe passage to visit Holy sites but does that give them the right to kill, just to visit a piece of land; God’s land?

As my (spiritual not Catholic) Lenten season continues to amaze me with more and more awakening I find that man is still full of hate because he alone is claiming Christ and those that don’t share their belief should die and be banished from touching ANY part of the earth. Man sees Muslims, Jews, blacks, anyone not of ‘their’ belief system an enemy. 

This struck me too:

“Christ is concerned with the political order of man, and intends for his agents on earth, kings, popes, bishops, to establish on earth a Christian Republic that was a “single, universal, transcendental state’ ruled by Christ through the lay and clerical magistrates he endowed with authority.”

While Christ may be concerned, we lost the battle when His magistrates allowed greed and hate to rule the reason they did what was and IS being done. I’m not buying what people want to sell me. What I myself have learned from Christ was that He was all about LOVE, while he got angry once (tax collectors, greed?) He never carried a testimony of HATE! Man has twisted the bible to suit their needs and wants, and fills their being with hate that they THINK is what Jesus wants them to carry and relay to the world. 

While I dislike much of what is going on around the world, I don’t find myself hating. I might disagree but I won’t vent my frustrations as a way of getting noticed instead I write and blog to clear my mind and to help me understand.

Let me tell you, when man/woman was created, satan had a job to do also. Good and evil were brought forth to wage war and we only account for the crusades of A.D not the wars on our soul in B.C. Think about that! God Himself was NOT about HATING people! (Go ahead, put your own spin on the message.) Reading and believing the Bible is one thing but reading and understanding is an entirely different matter. And just so you know, I am STILL eagerly learning. Praise be to God!

May God fill all who are reading this with understanding of His eternal LOVE!

God Bless!

Praise and Worship

google image

When I was but six years old I decided I wanted to praise and worship God. Six, you might ask? Yes! I went to Catholic school and my very first teacher was a nun, Sr. Kathleen. I asked her why she was a nun and she told me, “Because I wanted to give my life to God.”

As you can imagine, at the time I didn’t understand what she was saying but I too wanted ‘to give my life to God’, I had to learn about Him more first. And learn I did! By second grade we were allowed our first Holy Communion and I, in my hand-me-down white lace dress that was first worn by my much shorter sister, proudly felt like a princess and gave my life to God after all, I did get to eat his Body. I knew in a lightning-flash instant that God was not looking at my dress or knobby knees, He was looking at my soul!

Rom 7:4 “Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.”

1 Cor. 10:16 “The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ?”

1Cor.12:27 “Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.”

Eph.4:12 “For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:”

Besides learning from the nuns about God, my most prized memories were our praise and worship in church. Hymns seemed to me to be like a direct connection to God Himself because when I sang I felt something move inside, it wasn’t hunger pains per se, it was the Holy Spirit gurgling in there and I knew this! I was hungering for Him!

Eph.1:13 “In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,”

Eph.4:30 “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.”

1 Thes. 4:8 He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit.

Then by the eighth grade I was well on my way to having a deep crush on Jesus. He was my first love. Not in a sexual way like other crushes, no, this was a deep love and I knew then that I was His and He was mine for life, for eternity. Praise and worship took on a new shape, form and meaning. 

Sure I strayed down the wrong path a few times but He always guided me in the right direction and led me to a song in my heart and music for my soul, the wonderful sound that rang in his ear. After I got over wanting to be a nun, I was led to different churches and many different religions but what was strong in each was the praise and worship music.

Hymns in the Catholic church, semi-hymns in the UCC church, then Grace church had an entire different meaning in praise and worship, one that God led me to knowing I thirsted for more; hand raising and Lord praising. I found a place where there was no shame in loving God. We didn’t just stare at each other like we’d all gone mad, we were united in Christ, in our love of Christ! We praised our God and  connected on the love for Him that we all shared.

Judges 5:3 “Hear, O ye kings; give ear, O ye princes; I, even I, will sing unto the LORD; I will sing praise to the LORD God of Israel.”

1Chr. 23:5 “Moreover four thousand were porters; and four thousand praised the LORD with the instruments which I made, said David, to praise therewith.” 
[30] And to stand every morning to thank and praise the LORD, and likewise at even;

See that? EVERY MORNING! Not once a week. 

2 Chron. 5:13 “It came even to pass, as the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the LORD; and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of musick, and praised the LORD, saying, For he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever: that then the house was filled with a cloud, even the house of the LORD;”

Pss.9:1 I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.
[2] I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.
[11] Sing praises to the LORD, which dwelleth in Zion: declare among the people his doings.
[14] That I may shew forth all thy praise in the gates of the daughter of Zion: I will rejoice in thy salvation.

Pss. 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

Pss. 35:28 And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness and of thy praise all the day long.  
(not just DAILY but all day long!)

Pss 71:8 Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honour all the day.

Pss. 28:2 “Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands toward thy holy oracle.”

Pss 63:4 Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.

Granted I may be strange to many but not to my Lord and Savior. He made me perfect in his sight so I will praise and worship Him and all His creation! It is the LEAST I can do for a God who sent His Son to shed blood for lil’ ol’ me! I close my eyes and open my heart and rejoice in praising His name.

Questioning Everything

1 Tim 1:4 “Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.”

When I was little I was always questioning everything from why the earth was round to why trees grow upward toward the heavens. Yeah, my quizzical mind sought God from the very early breaths of living and to this day I still question God about everything relying not on my own understanding.

Some people are a little uneasy with the winds of change, afraid of being put out of their comfort zone. While others embrace the change and actively pursue answers (not via the net mind you) to all of their questions. Some even pretend to be seeking all the while clinging to what they only think to be true when in reality they never sought the REAL truth.

Pastor Mike said, “God uses you to bring people to Him.” That really hit home since the New Year has brought about change, I can see Him working through my delicate words to reach you, my avid reader. I’m not here to judge you or change you; I’m here to reach you in places you might need to be reached. 

God is not on a lot of people’s minds these days and that is understandably so since they’re consumed in the here and now and not what was and always will be. They’re busy wondering what they’ll wear for the day, what shoes look right with that shirt, what’s happening on the net and there you have it, a world being eaten alive by the internet. 

If I had the power, I would obliterate the communications called the internet for at least a year and watch the world scramble with what to eat or what to wear or maybe be forced to read the newspaper to see what politician is doing what. I almost feel as though I time-warped from another century and was placed here and surely don’t fit in anywhere. This finds me questioning everything.

Yes, I USE the internet and I like the speed of finding answers to my questioning. Yes, I blog but do not allow the net to own me. I don’t carry the world in a palm-sized instrument or feel the need to hold one in my hand and tell the outside world what every second of my day consists of.

My niece, who is sixteen, received a $200 dollar phone for Christmas and just this weekend the phone was stolen while at a friend’s party. My sister’s logic is ‘she HAS to have a phone’, and my logic is WHY??? Why do kids NEED these phones when they’re not mature enough to take care of them or handle them responsibly?

We’re living in a generation of at your fingertip technology and it is being abused in more ways than one. While I would miss it for a year, the kids today could not even function without their phones or the net for a year. I wonder how many honestly could. The generation who never had it all of their lives will say they could function without the net for a year but I wonder, could they really?

I question why some people believe the earth is only 6000 years old while others believe it to be millions of years old. Even with the age of scientific proof we’re still uncertain? Truth at our bloody fingertips, literally tapping out the questions to find the truth and believing the answers we receive? Why hasn’t the TRUTH been revealed within you instead of the endless seeking for truth from outside sources? Because life is and always will be a mystery shrouded in our questioning. That is the secret in a nutshell, you can’t find the answers in the cluttered world of information, the truth is found within you and if you can’t physically touch it or read it in your hand, then it must not be true.

Faith is exactly the same way. You rely on what you feel not what you see or read to know what is the truth. It might only be your truth but you found it from within you not from the stirring confusion in the outside world. While that might not make sense to many, it WILL make sense to a few. We’re all given the talents to use but not all use them. Me, I’m forever questioning everything, seeking and finding. Not in the superficial realm, in the spiritual realm where all questions are answered. 

Go with God and may He be with you all!

Pss. 119:59 “I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.”

Apostrophe S

Okay, I’m going to admit it; apostrophe s trips me up daily. Just when I think I’ve got it nailed, I misuse it, and someone QUICKLY calls me on it. So I misuse commas too, but nobody really cares about them; they’ll overlook them but not apostrophes no way!!

I don’t depend on spellcheck but often times I’ll see that squiggly line, fix it to what it recommends, only to have a grammar pro point out I misused the apostrophe S. I’m going to work on just where that comma goes in quotation marks also, but right now I need to work on apostrophe S!

My son said to me last week, “Mom, the apostrophe S shows possession.”

I really need my son to teach me what I learned in grade school? Apparently!

I found this helpful grammar site:  Grammar Book 

Did you know there are THIRTEEN rules of the apostrophe??? Well color me blonde!

I’m going to practice, refresh, if you will:

  

Rule 1

Use the apostrophe with contractions. The apostrophe is always placed at the spot where the letter(s) has been removed.

My example:

It’s – it is

Doesn’t – does not

Isn’t – is not

Rule 2 

Use the apostrophe to show possession. Place the apostrophe before the s to show singular possession.

This is where my confusion begins.

Their example:

one actress's hat
one child's hat
Ms. Chang's house

My example:

Billy’s hat

Mr. Roper’s hat

NOTE: Although names ending in s or an s sound are not required to have the second s added in possessive form, it is preferred.

Their example:

Mr. Jones's golf clubs
Texas's weather
Ms. Straus's daughter

Confused! I was taught that we’d add an apostrophe AFTER the S. See rule FIVE.

Ms. Jones’ house

Texas’ weather

But if I read what Grammar Book is saying, I’m wrong.

  
Rule 3
Use the apostrophe where the noun that should follow is implied.

Their example:

This was his father's, not his, jacket.

My example:
His father’s home never felt like his own.

Rule 4

To show plural possession, make the noun plural first. Then immediately use the apostrophe.

Examples:
two boys' hats two women's hats
two actresses' hats
two children's hats
Okay, there’s the S’ !!! Are they TRYING to confuse us? Is this legal?!? (denote sarcasm)
One more:

Rule 5

Do not use an apostrophe for the plural of a name.

Examples:
We visited the Sanchezes in Los Angeles.
The Changs have two cats and a dog.


I have no examples! I need to go off and drink all of this in. I’ll continue tomorrow with the rest of the confusion. Don’t worry, I’m just refreshing what I THOUGHT I already knew!

ENJOY!

The Write Stuff

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin

***

Do you have the right stuff to write?

Well I put out three blog posts in one day yesterday, at over 500 words that's more than 1500 words. Wow! I sat amazed at all the writing I had in me.

I know I’ve been told that I talk a lot but I’ve been so tired and bogged down that writing never really grabbed hold of me like it did yesterday. I was in a writing frenzy like you wouldn’t believe. I could have posted this one too, but I did want to save something for today.

I think to write, you need the right stuff. A quiet environment, time, and support. If you have someone supporting you through your writing journey, it makes the trek that much more easier. This is why I surround myself with professional writers because they understand the journey better than anyone, and they’ll be the first to give you a leg to stand on.

Then their is the support of your friends. I have many ‘virtual’ friends who live in this windowed world and on many occasions they have lifted me to new heights. Since I’ve released myself of the ones who were wearing me down, trying to drag me through the mud to a hole where my headstone would be placed, I have moved on, happily.

I now sit here and look forward to spilling words onto the page that actually have some meaning to them, other than, ‘Have a great day’ and such as with the the social scene. No, the social scene is not for me. I’m a teacher at heart and I love to share knowledge in simple form. I don’t like all the scripted sounds of academia, I prefer straight up try-this-on-for-size skills.

I watch as people bumble around, looking like they have something important to say, or trying to look important or maybe even trying to make themselves feel important. All the while something is missing inside. Something burning them, making them feel that the only way to feel complete is live in a virtual world. That is sad. And those people have my prayers.

They should be writing something that makes them feel complete and whole. I try, when I sit down to write, to give you something that you will walk away with for the rest of your day. Whether you’ll be saying, “That spoke directly to me,” or perhaps, “I know a person like that,” or even you might think, “Wow she hit the nail on the head.”

Writing is my healer. Writing is my God given talent that I am putting to use. I’m not stuffing it on a social wall somewhere, I’m actually putting together sentences, that are coherent, legible and informational. I see that I have the Right Stuff. Now I need to see YOU have the Right Stuff. Have you written more than a paragraph today?

Write Right, and Write ON!

It's all about writing...

Those who are quite satisfied sit still and do nothing; those who are not quite satisfied are the sole benefactors of the world. ~Walter Savage Landor
***

When you come here, you expect to read about the writing craft, something, anything that my mind can produce about the craft. And usually that is what you get unless there is something really important that I need to tell you about my life.

They are far and few between which I’m sure you’re glad of; don’t need a woman ranting and raving now do you? Of course not, so I try to deliver tips and tricks of the trade, that maybe you can use in your journey to help you with your writing.

I often get sidetracked when diversity hits. Yesterday’s rant is a perfect example. I love f2k, that is a FREE Creative Writing course, that I have been an online mentor on, along with many other mentors, over the years. The diversity hit when things of the unexpected pop up in my face. We have eight classrooms, we had over 600 people register for the course, about 400 showed up, and in the first frantic week, well over 200 posted a lesson one.

Keep in mind, we mentors are all volunteer, taking our time out of our lives to lead writers in a new direction. So you can see my dismay when I am giving of my time, and some people ruin the learning experience, with taunts of food and smiley's.

I’d like to ask, when you were in school, did you have rules that you had to follow? Were you allowed to throw food around and whoop and holler when your friend went potty? The mentality has shifted.

I am all for a successful writing course, I’m all for leading and teaching newcomers and some really good writers, new stuff. But I am not a facebook fan, a social network person, or a child who has time to run around and play. I’m sure we’ll get the great learning experience back within our grasp, but right now, the Social aspect and chat chat chat, like like like, is what people want.

Out of respect to Bob Hembree, and all that he has done for me and more than likely will continue to do for me, I will continue on with this course that I started. I will remain in my room and balance the fruity and whimsical, like Carmen Miranda, all on top of my head, and just hope that the mounting fruit don’t topple.

Allow me to say, f2k has brought many writers into the PUBLISHED world and it is still a great course. I’m just a stiff shirt, who likes the academic side of learning and not the insane.

Making Money from Writing

There will never be another now -
I'll make the most of today.
There will never be another me -
I'll make the most of myself.
Helen Keller

***

In today’s world of fast paced cutthroats, writers need diligence to get them to make money from their writing. A good writer makes little money from all of their hard work whereas a great writer makes an income. Now an excellent writer is, well, you know, sitting around his pool drinking Mai Tai’s basking in the glory of all his/her published works.

No, I don’t really believe that is what the excellent writers are doing. Is that really how you envision Stephen King or Dean Koontz? Sitting around in the lap of luxury without a care in the world? I see them as writing. They continue to write their hearts out no matter how much money they have garnered from a previous published book. It’s a tried and true method for them to keep on writing. No write, no money.

Now before you can start writing for money, you are going to need material that is publishable. And it must be good enough for somebody to WANT to pay for it. Ask yourself a question. “Would a publisher be interested in spending money on MY work?”How many times was King rejected before someone finally took the manuscript of Carrie and made it a successful publishable piece of work? Over twenty times! He has the wallpaper to prove it. (King says he has wallpapered his room with rejection letters to keep him writing better.)

A publisher is taking a risk in spending thousands of dollars on you, the unknown, so make your work worth a large amount of money. It has to have some value before you can expect someone else to want to publish your work.

It will help if you have a story that a reader can’t take his/her hands off of and easily put it down. A story that the reader can't put down is one that could inspire a publisher to see the potential in book sales. The same is true for a script. Sometimes the writer must pitch the idea to get the publisher, agent or producer excited about the potential of their work.

The Internet is full of markets where you can sell your work. Whether it is a short story to a magazine or an agent for your novel, or a publisher that you can query. Writers are not only writers they are small-time archeologist! They need to dig, dig, dig to find the precious gem that will give their work life and an abundant glory of profit. I’ve used writer’s as archeologist twice this week!

And whatever you do fellow writer, DON’T GIVE UP! Did Indiana Jones? NO! Stephen King? NEVER! Now get to writing and selling, marketing and publishing! You can do it!