Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
January 1st, 2019
I was asked in a dream what one scripture if I could choose, would define the coming year. Some people choose a word, some a scripture. It doesn’t really mean that your year will be defined by what you choose, it basically says, hey I remember this one. This one touches me on many different levels. I choose this one because while I don’t judge people I do sin. Everyone sins. I don’t wake up and try to sin, just the opposite, I wake and try NOT to sin. Big difference. It seems everyone else wakes up and just sins without care. Again, I'm not judging, I just disagree with that kind of living, but whatever works. So this scripture will define my blank posts for the year. If I miss a day of writing. This scripture will define my blank page days, and be a fill-in as I continue writing, healing and telling you, the rest of my story. It will also remind me that I DO sin! But God still loves me! My New Year began on Tuesday, January first, at least that is what the calendar said. My friends who know me, know I don’t celebrate ‘the New Year’ per se, I celebrate my new year on Easter. Instead of a pagan holiday, I turn Easter into a holy-for-me day, my New Year will begin, I will start anew! January first… a day like any other day. No physical therapy. Just me enjoying my new freedoms as I heal. I can now make my own breakfasts, wash dishes, do laundry, dust furniture and vacuum, and a major can-do is I can SHOWER! I did that over the weekend as well as my housework. Today was a rest day before we dismantle Christmas. Frigid temps would keep the doors closed and the heater on as we wait for a predicted thaw for the rest of the week. May the New Calendar Year be a blessed onset of righteous living! May I grow even more Spiritually as the days progress and I work on becoming ever closer to God.
Pss 103:3 “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;”
If you’re a believer, then you believe without seeing. You believe because you read your bible and you believe the Word to be the truth. But how many believe that it is the full truth? Or do you only believe in portions? You believe God created the world, that Moses parted the sea, you believe Jesus rose from the dead, was it because the bible told you? You sit there believing He’s coming back again. But you have trouble believing Pss.103:3 where the bible states: “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;” It says he heals ALL thy diseases but we only trust Him to heal a few? That to me makes no sense. People can tell me until their blue in the face that ‘we need doctor’s to heal us’, but in my eyes, doctors are for treating symptoms never really addressing the underlying CAUSE. I believe God is the healer of the cause. You might find that one rare doctor who is willing to assist you in finding the cause but essentially it is up to you and God whether you find actual true healing. Maybe your doctor is guiding you in the right direction but I myself don’t believe God is a God of drugs. “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;” If you don’t believe He heals ALL diseases, in my eyes, you only believe a portion of the bible. It is so hard to truly trust the Word because we’ve been so conditioned to believe man for all he says and all that he offers. We take his word at face value and it holds solidity to our belief system. Then and only then do we truly rely on God’s word to heal ALL of our diseases. You might believe wisdom comes from man but wisdom cannot come from man it can only come from GOD! You might glean knowledge from books but wisdom to discern is solely from God; from the Spirit that dwells in you, the same Spirit that has you trusting in Him completely. Either the bible is true or it’s not. I don’t believe the bible lies in some places and suddenly exhibits truth in other places. Either the entire bible is the truth or none of it at all. I mentioned yesterday that disease is first spiritual in nature not physical. This statement might need some clarification. Some children are born with diseases; obviously, they had no mind to spiritually bring about disease upon themselves. It is quite obvious that the environment, the foods that no one knew were toxic, the metals, the inoculations that toyed with our very cells all were in there playing a part of what makes our insides tick. Scientifically, DNA plays a small part meaning what your mom and dad did (ate, drank, breathed) formed the very strands that brought you to life. I’m speaking of the cause of your (my) own disease; by holding tightly to false beliefs (fear, doubt, and shame) it enabled an attack that neither you or I were ready for. Anxiety, at a very young age, started us on the path of fear that you (and I) began and no drug is going to take away what we spiritually placed on our path. God did not place fear and anxiety on our path, God is not to blame for a disease taking over your body, only WE can blame OURSELVES for the CAUSE of any illness that holds us captive. I think what happens with our anxiety and depression, mine anyway, is that we dwell and linger. We linger in past places that hold us prisoner and sometimes we’re not willing to let go because we’d rather remain bitter and angry than find healing; at least that’s what we tell ourselves. Yes, that was me for YEARS, for most of my life. This disease that I brought upon myself basically is my wake-up call telling me it is time to change now or I will die. I can’t read myself into a healing place. I can’t keep telling you over and over of the bad things that happened in my life because that is my way of clinging to what little memories I have. I have to honestly and truthfully let it go! Reiterating my pain over and over is a way of not releasing the very things that got me to this point in my disease and remaining a prisoner of the past. I know I’ve spiritually found a healing place. I sent my anxious thoughts away and replaced them with good positive memories. Here’s an example, on the 26th of April my daughter would have been fourteen years old. In previous years the grief strangled me to tears and led me to rehash her death over and over. The same goes for my son who would’ve turned 35 years old in December. This year was different, I only thought good of her and him and when my mother wanted to rehash the past I point blank told her, I’ve dealt with that pain already, I really have let it go, so please stop rehashing. I’m glad she remembers my son and daughter whom neither of us had a chance to know, but I don’t cling to that part of my past anymore. I’m in a healing point and it feels better than all years before! I’m healing from the emotional baggage of a previous marriage. I’m healing from the child abuse, the molestation, I’m healing where things clung and tightly held on, and I’m releasing them from my present. This disease isn’t just about what has my cells in an uproar, it’s about forgiving all the wrongs in my past and not just at face value. I cannot heal just a portion of my soul just as I cannot believe just a portion of the bible. I myself cause my stress and anxiety by clinging to the embedded emotions that have no right dwelling in my being anymore. Being around positive influential people bring about a healing presence just as the negative influences bring about the non-healing ability. If you find yourself never healing from emotional stress, you’re not releasing the whole portion of events; you’re still clinging to the past. Don’t blame the medicine for not working. Don’t blame someone else for your retentive behavior because we are the sole heirs of who to blame. Our parents, siblings, and exes may shoulder some of the blame but they are not the reason we are so determined to allow the occasions to destroy our immunity. You know, I hadn’t thought that my internal loving relationship with God could grow any further. I had become comfortable in my reading and believing and practically complacent with all I have learned over the years. Sometimes we think that memorizing scripture will bring us closer to God, or reading and studying so hard we forget what we came to the Word for. We came to learn and GROW right? Not to sit like an idle robot in one place repeating the same actions over and over again. No, to heal we need to understand the health benefits of the Living Water flowing through our veins on a different level that will carry us to our healing spot. The area where the past has no bars and the pasture is an open fortress to gaze at, not take up residence with. I am choosing to heal by believing the full portion of the Word in its entirety, not just a small portion. He said He will heal and I believe Him. He said He will return and I believe Him. I know I’m listening to God and not the enemy. How do I know it is God speaking to me and guiding me? Because He said so! All praise and Glory to God!
John 10:9 “I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.”
John 10 is a very powerful scripture in its entirety.
With my illness I often find myself wallowing in sorrow. Sorrow for the lost, sorrow for what was and what is to come, physically and spiritually, literally and metaphorically. Deut. 28:65 “And among these nations shalt thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind:” Esther 9:22 “As the days wherein the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned unto them from sorrow to joy, and from mourning into a good day: that they should make them days of feasting and joy, and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor.” Job 6:10 “Then should I yet have comfort; yea, I would harden myself in sorrow: let him not spare; for I have not concealed the words of the Holy One.” The Holy Spirit is my comforter during these trying days. As people hurry around buying their Easter Sunday dresses, scramble to have a feast for their family, sorrow fills my heart for those who struggle to have bread, for those who seek but do not listen. It is with sorrow my heart is heavy. Job 17:7 “Mine eye also is dim by reason of sorrow, and all my members are as a shadow.” Pss. 13:2 “How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?” Pss. 18:4 “The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.” Pss 39:2 “I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred.” Pss. 69:29 “But I am poor and sorrowful: let thy salvation, O God, set me up on high.” Pss 127:2 “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.” I pray for my family to know the love in my heart for my heavenly Father and not to remember me for the sorrows that haunted me. I sleep eight hours a night of peaceful rest. May they know when eternal rest comes I’m not bearing sorrow but eternal peace will fill my being of light. Prov.10:22 “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.” Prov. 14:13 “Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.” Prov. 15:13 “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.” This verified illness is upon me as so many hidden illnesses encapsulate me. I cannot tackle one without the other and the sorrow from the heaviness overwhelms me at times with loneliness. Ecc. 5:17 “All his days also he eateth in darkness, and he hath much sorrow and wrath with his sickness.” Ecc.7:3 “Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.” Isa. 14:3 “And it shall come to pass in the day that the LORD shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve,” Isa. 35:10 “And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.” Dan. 10:16 “And, behold, one like the similitude of the sons of men touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spake, and said unto him that stood before me, O my lord, by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no strength.” I longingly give you the fruit of the Spirit as I’m guided. My Holy Week will conclude and my New Year will begin. Even if it is only I who acknowledges the New Year it is mine to begin anew. A new breath, a new day, a new flame to my fire! Jer. 31:25 “For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.” Hos. 8:10 “Yea, though they have hired among the nations, now will I gather them, and they shall sorrow a little for the burden of the king of princes.” Matt. 24:8 “All these are the beginning of sorrows.” I gave all I could give and have nothing more to present. His Word has wrapped around you and shown you the sorrows but the blind cannot see. I will not walk in the shadow of death, I will rise to see a New Year; a new day dawning. Man will taste sorrow. Mark 13:8 “For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be earthquakes in divers places, and there shall be famines and troubles: these are the beginnings of sorrows.” John 16:22 “And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.” 2 Cor. 2:3 “And I wrote this same unto you, lest, when I came, I should have sorrow from them of whom I ought to rejoice; having confidence in you all, that my joy is the joy of you all.” Rev. 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
Every day I wake seeking strength from the Word. A reason to go on. Ex. 15:2 “The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him.” Deut. 33:25 “Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as thy days, so shall thy strength be.”
Most days I feel like a copper penny. No longer in service, tossed away and unneeded. Josh 14:11 “As yet I am as strong this day as I was in the day that Moses sent me: as my strength was then, even so is my strength now, for war, both to go out, and to come in.” It’s lonely fighting a war alone. It’s hard being ‘the strong one’ while everyone around you is weak. It’s challenging to want to continue for naught. 1 Sam 2:4 “The bows of the mighty men are broken, and they that stumbled are girded with strength.” 2 Sam 22:33 “God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.” What other purpose is there to life if I don't have God and heaven to aspire to? Job 6:11 “What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?” Job 39:11 “Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him?” Pss. 118:1 “I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. [2] The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. [32] It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. [39] For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle: thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me.” My tears are for continued strength that only He can rain down on me. If people look back on my life and wonder WHERE I got my strength from, I get it from HIM and only Him because I’m a solid rock surrounded by a pool of jell-o. Pss. 52:7 “Lo, this is the man that made not God his strength; but trusted in the abundance of his riches, and strengthened himself in his wickedness.” They are weak, while He is strong. Pss. 71:18 “Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.” Pss. 73:26 “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.” Pss 118:14 “The LORD is my strength and song, and is become my salvation.” Pss.144:1 “Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:” And I write… Prov. 24:5 “A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increaseth strength.” [10] If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. Isa. 22:21 “And I will clothe him with thy robe, and strengthen him with thy girdle, and I will commit thy government into his hand: and he shall be a father to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and to the house of Judah.” Isa. 35:3 “Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees.” I try to relay a message but only open ears can hear what I’m saying. Hab. 3:19 “The LORD God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.” Mark 12:30 “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” People think it is so hard to follow the Lord. All He wants is your love. Isn’t that all that you want, is to be loved? Luke 22:32 “But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren”. Where I go, you cannot go but know I am in the arms of the Lord. That is the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life… and in death. Rom 5:6 “For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.” 2 Cor. 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Isa.24:5 “The earth also is defiled under the inhabitants thereof; because they have transgressed the laws, changed the ordinance, broken the everlasting covenant.”
My Country, Tis of Thee…
My country tis of thee
No land of liberty
Of thee I plead.
Land where my father died
Land where all children cried
Where man will always burn inside
For once, let FREEDOM reign.
My country tis of thee
No peace I ever see
Of thee I bleed.
Land never filled with pride
Land with arms open wide
Where man cannot safely hide
Why is FREEDOM pain?
My country tis of thee
No truth will set me free
Of thee is greed.
Land lost to all that chide
Land where no man abide
Where loyalty is put aside
My FREEDOM’s slain!
My country tis of thee
I long to trust in thee
Of thee great seed.
Land where the ground has dried
Land where no fruit complied
Where others all deride
Let FREEDOM not be vain.
Hos. 4:7 “As they were increased, so they sinned against me: therefore will I change their glory into shame.”
Rom. 8:4 “That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Be Not Conformed
Yes, not choosing the mainstream chemo/slice and dice method is my choice and I have to live with this choice while people swim upstream to bask on the sunny beach along the shore. I see my battle from inside my own mind and never really thought about how it looked to other people on the outside looking in. To some I appear a little bit crazy probably because they’ve never seen anyone take a diagnosis like this and tackle the healing part on their own, it’s just not done! If I were truly alone, I can assure you, I would have never gone in this direction.
Rom. 8:2 “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.”
To me, the conformists I’ve read about can be Christians but they’ve conformed to the ways of the world. They read the Bible, see all of the amazing miracles, works, jobs, or duties of the men and women written about but for some reason, I guess they think God stopped working miracles when the man physically stopped writing the bible. They might believe miracles still happen but ‘to other people’, you know, those rare instances where the media pushes the story, or people are so loud a person hears about it via word of mouth. Yeah, miracles only happen to ‘those people’? What about infants? I always hear people saying ‘what a miracle’ a baby is but do they really believe that? What concept do you believe that miracles happen to other people and infants are miracles? Look at the whole picture, we were all infants once; we were just a passionate thought of two people and God blessed the joining of two and out came…YOU! Yes, that’s right, you are a living miracle. It is what we conform to that makes us a not so special miracle anymore. Do you ever think of the Lazarus story? He was a miracle, brought back to life. We’ve read about it, believed it, but what happened ten years down the line? Did he go back to being a ‘man of this world’ or did the miracle of Jesus bringing him back to life change him? We have to think about these things if we are ever to become devout Christians. Too often I’ve read ‘be not conformed to this world’ yet when I look around all I see are people, conformed to this world, whether they’re Christians or not; conformity thrives and is very much alive. While no one is perfect and we’re all out here just striving to live, to me be not conformed takes on extreme meaning. Conformity to me is being like everyone else, following the herd, walking the same line, and thinking inside the box. Well let me tell you, I’m not a rebel, I’m a ‘thinking outside the box’ kind of person. When you see a box as square I can show you how it is really round as the globe, with infinite possibilities, whereas you see the box as square because that is what you were taught. You take everything at face value. Do you see what I’m getting at here? When I look up the word conformity, it gives me this meaning: action in accord with prevailing social standards, attitudes, practices, etc.. Can you see by the definition, that you have been conformed to the world? Even though the very bible you read daily tells you not to be conformed, you conform anyway because that is what everyone else is doing and for some reason, you have a need to fit in with this society.
Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
As you can imagine, I’ve never fit in. Growing up I was called the rebel, I was always the one who thought about the broader spectrum of life, like of an infinite cosmos or eternal life. To me, these things were real as for others they were just a part of what they conformed to or were taught. Do they actually live and believe? Ask yourself that question when judging my choice in this diagnosis and treatment. The other night it hit me pretty hard how I might be seen by other people when a friend (thank you Angela) directed me to a movie, Trolls. It was a kiddie movie (cute as all get out nonetheless) but it held a deeper meaning to me and helped me to see how some people might be viewing my incredible route I’m taking. Thank you for seeing outside the box!
Rom. 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
Let me share the lyrics of one of the songs in the movie with you, I’ve colored them to fit my story:
I really hope I can do it
'Cause they're all depending on me
I know that I must leave the only home I've ever known
And brave the dangers of the forest
Saving them before they're eaten
I mean, how hard can that be?
Looking up at a sunny sky, so shiny and blue and there's a butterfly
Well, isn't that a super fantastic sign
It's going to be a super fantastic day
Such marvelousness
It's gonna bring a pocket full of songs that I'm gonna sing
And I'm ready to take on anything
Hooray!
Some super fun surprise around each corner
Just riding on a rainbow, I'm gonna be okay
Hey!
I'm not giving up today
There's nothing getting in my way
And if you knock knock me over
I will get back up again
If something goes a little wrong
Well you can go ahead and bring it on
'Cause if you knock knock me over, I will get back up again
Whoa oh oh oh, get back up again, whoa oh oh oh oh oh
I'm marching along I got confidence
I'm cooler than a pack of peppermints
And I haven't been this excited since
I can't remember when!
I'm off on this remarkable adventure
Just riding on a rainbow
What if it's all a big mistake
What if it's more than I can take
No, I can't think that way 'cause I know that
I'm really really gonna be okay
Hey!
I'm not giving up today
There's nothing getting in my way
And if you knock knock me over
I will get back up again
If something goes a little wrong
Well you can go ahead and bring it on
'Cause if you knock knock me over, I will get back up again
2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Mind over Matter
When I quit drinking at twenty-one, people asked me how I did it, A.A? I said no, mind over matter. You know, that hokey stuff that no one believes in? Well, how about this, I get this ‘dire prognosis’ and am told I need chemicals and drugs to heal, and I say no thank you. Some might call it stupidity, I see it as an unwavering faith in my Father and my mind. I always use my mind to deal with matters. Ex. 33:11 “And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend…” I don’t know about you, but when the Lord speaks to me, I listen. He very boldly told me, “I GOT THIS!” There were more whispers in my ear but you get my meaning, God spoke, I listened. My God doesn’t play tricks and tease me into believing Him. He doesn’t lead me down dead end paths. No, He shows me success, hope, love and I, like a good servant and ever the optimist, I follow Him. Calling an optimist/pessimist a realist is like saying you can have faith in God part of the time. That is not I. It’s God all the time; hope, promise, truth, light, and love every single minute of the day. With this diagnosis came an instant change. It didn’t take me weeks to give up the processed foods and toxins I was putting in my body, the change came with prayer, meditation and immediately the shift to healing the very next day after the diagnosis began. I wasn’t ‘trying’ to heal, I WAS, and AM being healed every second of every waking day! I don’t believe we’re ever done learning here on this earth or beyond, ever. It’s a process where you either walk the path or you stay stagnant and just continue living every day, sinning and doing what you want in life. Free will is amazing like that! Apparently, I have an amazing willpower to go from a toxic lifestyle to a changed woman overnight. Some people think God doesn’t work that quick but I’m a living testimony that says God DOES work that fast. He saw that I was and am willing to change, and when I prayed He gave me an honest reply. He didn’t say, “Go and the lump will be gone when you wake tomorrow.” The honest reply was in saying it would be the biggest challenge of my life! When He sees you actively changing and prayerfully asking Him for guidance, He enters the scene in a spiritual wisp of vapor and you breathe him in as if you would air passing by your nostrils. It’s often hard to call on him and allow him to rule your world, what with so much to do in life and so many materials to be had, and so little time to do what you need to get done. Me, I find spiritual time for God first and with him, it changes my worldview from a distance to in my face. Healing comes when He’s in my face. Daily by the minute, I breathe him in and let God be the oxygen in my lungs to heal my world. It is with Him that I have the strength and willpower to do what needs to be done. I know that willpower can move mountains. If there is an obstacle I move it with mind over matter, God over man, herbs over drugs. I learned a very long time ago that the mind is a very powerful thing to waste. Mankind is dependent chemically and he has spiritually driven the mind, body, and soul into submission to the material world. The strong mind dwells in the spiritual realm and without exercise, like your body, it becomes a wasteland. Without the sustaining nutrients, it becomes a toxic wasteland. A google search of the definition herbal medicine led me to ---> Herbal medicine: “also known as herbalism or botanical medicine, is a medical system based on the use of plants or plant extracts that may be eaten or applied to the skin. Since ancient times, herbal medicine has been used by many different cultures throughout the world to treat illness and to assist bodily functions.” God is the great creator of herbs and if we ignore their medicinal usefulness for us, in a sense, we are ignoring a part of the Great Healer God that He has touched us all with and the ability to see and utilize his promise. My hubby is trying to give up his unhealthy habits. He gave up Pepsi for about two weeks and said he couldn’t do it anymore. I said, “Not everybody has my kind of willpower. I don’t know where it comes from.” He quickly exclaimed as a matter of fact, “From God maybe?” “Well, I didn’t think you’d admit it,” I said with a smile and a tear in my eye. You see, when people say they don’t have the strength to do something, I boldly tell them, put your mind into it, believe, have faith, embrace God, and you’ll have all the strength and support you need.
“… being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 (NIV)
Eph. 3:3-4 “How that by revelation he made known unto me the mystery; (as I wrote afore in few words, Whereby, when ye read, ye may understand my knowledge in the mystery of Christ)"
I See Him
I see Him in the light of day
I see Him in the clouds that sway
I see Him in the breeze He breathes
I see Him in the soul that seethes
I hear Him in the songs of praise
I hear Him in intuitive ways
I hear Him in the reprimand
I hear Him in the Promised Land
I touch Him in my daily need
I touch Him in diurnal deed
I touch Him with my active prayer
I touch Him with each wisp of air
I taste Him in the scented dew
I taste Him in His words so true.
I taste Him in the daily bread
I taste Him in the cross He bled
I see, hear, touch and taste
The scent of Him in honor placed
For all I see and all I do
It is my God I share with you.
Deut. 4:29 "But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul."
2 Sam. 22:33 “God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.”
My Inner Strength
I remember as a child my sister would always tell my mother, “Let Joni do it, she’s the strong one.” Even now, with this diagnosis, my sister told her daughter, “Joni will beat this, she’s the strong one.” This is the reason I’ve yet to tell my mother anything about this, she’s not the strong one. I always felt like my older sister looked up to me because she sees me as the strong one. She always turned to me whenever she had any problems whether physically, emotionally, spiritually, or psychologically. I’m the baby and my family always looked up to ME because I was deemed the strong one, the one looked to in a time of need, the one once depended upon. That’s a lot of weight for the baby of a family of eight, including my mother and father. I was the one full of courage; the thread that kept the blanket together and when I left the family unraveled one string at a time. They more than likely wouldn’t admit to the downfall of the family to my leaving them but honestly, if they look closely they’d see the total demise coincide with my leaving home.
Job 4:4 “Thy words have upholden him that was falling, and thou hast strengthened the feeble knees.”
I wonder now if I wasn’t led away from home and my family to build up that inner vitality because God knew I would need all my strength for right now, this place and at this time! When God told me to leave all of my possessions behind I did, going to Texas with the clothes on my back and some toys and clothes for my son. Looking back now I see God’s handiwork as He molded and shaped each instance to bring about an inner tenacity that I would need for this exact time in my life. He was building a solid palace and what I left behind was a shell of a straw hut. My family had drained me and I needed this stability to carry me through all that I’m enduring now.
Pss. 40:2 “He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.”
When I was diagnosed I could have crumbled, fell to my knees and allowed the doctors to carry me away in handcuffs and lead me to my death. Instead, I found this amazing inner muscle to stand firm, rise and announce that I was going to heal with the Lord’s handiwork. Was I crazy? What was I thinking? Where on earth did I find the willpower to fight what I deem the strong arm of the law, the doctors? Let me tell you, when I was a child I had to fight off sexual predators on a daily basis. I had to fight with superhuman brawniness and stand up to my parents for my faith when they were of a completely opposite religion. When I lost my first child many wanted me to fall; when the Lord and I overcame drug addiction and alcoholism they wanted me to buckle. Depression? Fought and won! I was supposed to do everything the way they were normally done with doctors, medication and follow along in life on a leash like a nice little puppy.
2 Sam. 22:40 “For thou hast girded me with strength to battle: them that rose up against me hast thou subdued under me.”
Instead, I busted through the ashes, I stood with the Rock of my Salvation after fifty years of struggling against what the world wanted me to be, normal. I was in no way normal and I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to make such a statement. Nothing about God or Jesus is normal; nothing about the Omniscient Lord is normal, and I’m honored to not be normal with Him! So when people look at me and ask where I find the ironclad strength to go on, I tell them, God. Where and how do I stand against what is ‘expected’ of me, God. God has NEVER put a leash around my neck to lead me astray. He’s never fed me lies so that I looked good to the people. He has made me abnormal for all the world to look at, laugh and scoff, and tempt me with lies and feed me the poisons of a system gone wrong. You might ask why would a loving God do that to a person? So you can SEE Him, all his Healing Power, all His Glory, and all of His Saving grace. He didn’t whip me into submission; I followed Him willingly on my own because I found an inner strength and serene peace there, in His arms. I could have bailed at any time for an easier life but I chose the hard road because the hard road was going to make me STRONG and THIS is where I find my Inner Strength! All praise and Glory to God!
1 Chron. 29:12 “Both riches and honour come of thee, and thou reignest over all; and in thine hand is power and might; and in thine hand it is to make great, and to give strength unto all.”
Num. 16:30 “But if the LORD make a new thing, and the earth open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down quick into the pit; then ye shall understand that these men have provoked the LORD.”
Ten Things I Observed in 2016
1) Every one of US is judge and jury. (Think about it, you’re judging that statement right there) 2) Not everyone who says they’re a Christian IS a Christian. (There is still tons of work to be done) 3) Every church is filled to the brim with sinners. (As it should be. If all were perfect, there would be no need for a church) 4) Politics can destroy sanity and friendships. (I see many people differently after this year) 5) Opinions are like an anus, everybody is born with one. (I tried to be discreet here) 6) Life is filled with more questions than answers. (Age old question, WHY?) 7) Not EVERYONE has all the RIGHT answers. (They think they do but they are mere fools.) Proverbs 18:2 (NIV) “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.” 8) Birds are the most pure in Spirit (They weather below freezing temps, they know their place, have no opinions, and learned to soar with all that they’re given to survive!) 9) Death is just a transitional phase. (Those who think otherwise need to do some deep soul searching) 10) IT’S OKAY TO GRIEVE! (It’s okay to be sad for others who are hurting. It’s okay to be pained by a loss. It is okay to be sorrowful. There is a time to mourn and a time to move on.) I’ve come to appreciate every second I’m alive, not just the days I make it through. Life is too short to judge the person sitting next to you whether homosexual or not, black or white, etc., these are your brothers that God wants us to LOVE! Love your neighbor as you love yourself. When you judge someone by their looks or sexual preference, the race, religion or color you are judging all the things that you yourself lack. Be wise in the New Year but most of all, BE BLESSED! "There is more to life than what is in front of your eyes. May 2017 be the year that you embrace what you can't see." ~Joni
Job 14:7 “For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.”
HOPE
I hear over and over the hope echoing in the world, behind fear there lays HOPE. The haters, the finger-pointers, the name callers (calling someone stupid, whiny, libtard is indeed name calling) are no different instilling fear and anger than anyone else out there destroying property, it’s okay because there are tons of people ready to back up your fear and enmity that you spew with PRAYER and HOPE! I’d like to see the world bow in prayer. I have hope that the few can change the many. While I was never a part of the massive amount of animosity that people (republicans AND democrats) spewed, I sat back and took it all in and watched as the cookie crumbled, so to speak. In the movie Oh God when Jerry (John Denver) asked why God chose him to deliver the message to the people, God replied, “why not?” People today do not want to hear that ‘God placed something on a person’s heart’ or hear them utter ‘what God has shown me’ it’s all hokey to them because God isn’t showing them personally anything and it undermines the years they’ve put into this religion and God stuff. It isn’t my fault I sense and see things others don’t; I didn’t create me. It IS my fault that I’m so filled with the Holy Spirit that I see hope where disaster lay. I do blame myself for bringing you a message of hope when everyone (believer and non-believer) are wallowing in an ego and arrogant display of one-upmanship in their own life. I also hear bellows of an ‘entitled generation’, to my eyes, you’re displaying the ego generation.
Luke 8:10 “And he said, Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God: but to others in parables; that seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand.”
I’m not going to apologize because I don’t allow outside influences to shape my thoughts and being. My mind is shaped BY the Spirit, FOR the Spirit and my hope lies IN the Spirit!
John 12:45 “And he that seeth me seeth him that sent me.”
I often wonder why I was raised in a bustling city for thirty-some-odd years (Baltimore, Maryland) only to be led to a bigger city for 6 years (Dallas, Texas) to be led out in the middle of nowhere (Nebraska) for seven years, so far. But I SEE the bigger picture, and I’m not asking you to see it. I share it with you but even then you don’t see what I’m trying to show you. Life is like that, a person comes along and tries to help you along and stubbornness and arrogance jump in, to cloud your view and all you allow is your ego to drive you into the unneeded rhetorical hate! I AM an optimist! I like and I love. I sometimes love so much it hurts and wonder if this is the way Jesus felt. He knew God brought Him into the world, He knew God led His life from infancy, and before. There were believers following Him and non-believers slashing Him and flogging Him, but He STILL walked to the cross to be hung because He had HOPE in changing man so they could live eternally and not just rot and die. He gave us purpose although not everyone can see what purpose they have in this life.
Isa. 41:11 “Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded: they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with thee shall perish.”
Hope is in the world today in the innocent newborn child. Hope is breathing inside a family that still connects and loves you. Hope is alive and well where LOVE is home to dwell. It isn’t a matter of who’s right and who’s wrong. It all boils down to loving your neighbor, helping a stranger, befriend man, woman, gay, straight, rich or poor. If love is not the first thing out of your mouth upon rising each day and carried with you as you scan the social media and play out your day, then YOU are the same root of the problem you point fingers at. I myself wish I could bring the Beatitudes of the Sermon on the Mount alive again today but we are too filled with fear and hate to see the HOPE in them! Make the Beatitudes go viral. Share this, I bet you won’t. Gospel of Matthew 5: 3-10 THE EIGHT BEATITUDES OF JESUS "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I will toss what I sense and see out the window like lint in the wind. I will see hope where there is none, I will wrap my heart around the joy left in the world. As I watch what is deemed the Super Moon set in the west like so many summer sunsets, the big bold orb will sleep as the sun rises in the east, there IS hope! Coming over the horizon like a mouse creeping up on cheese, the sun peeks in a slither of a cloudless sky. I’m awakened and greeted with the morn. May God Bless you always as you too seek out the HOPE that remains in the world!
Joel 3:16 "The LORD also shall roar out of Zion, and utter his voice from Jerusalem; and the heavens and the earth shall shake: but the LORD will be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel."
Pss.1: 1-2 “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.”
One Voice
Well, it is done and over with, Donald Trump is the President-elect. I find it kind of funny that my Democratic friends (yes, I know who you are) and my Republican friends (I know who you are, too) all assume I voted for their candidate when I have NEVER given an inkling to who I was inclined to side with. Because I LIKE a meme on facebook, that tells you all about me? Boy, we’re in bigger trouble than I thought. I was raised to never discuss politics or call people names just for the sake of calling names and if you look at my year of posts (facebook and my blog) I never led people to believe I was anything but a follower of Christ. I watched this year as people lost every shred of dignity. I saw friends being deleted because they weren’t in-sync with one another. I watched as the world collapsed. I don’t see hope and happiness in that. I’m sad. I’m not sad because Hillary lost no more than am I sad because Trump won, I’m sad for MY future and the future of children who had to wake to a confusion of what commotion went on while they slept. I’m sad for the babies too small to even know anything was going on that we leave them a ruined country, one that they may or may not ever be proud to one day serve. I see fear. I see a people not happy with either candidate. When I voice my opinion it isn’t because I pulled it out of my hat. I SENSE that either way the vote would’ve gone it would lead to riots by the ‘thugs’ of society? Because you know, there is not one thug republican right? Both parties are a disgrace. Now maybe you’ll SEE what I sensed all along, fire, flames, burning buildings, vandalism, and destruction. Again, had the other side won, we’d see the same exact thing, that is how the entire campaign was run, on hate and dissension and this surprises you people are reacting in animosity? I remember when I first heard that Trump was ‘thinking about running for president’, I laughed at first then said, “I bet he’d win. People are tired of politicians running.” I was laughed at as you can imagine because I have nothing political in my arsenal of word wars. Today I sit here still laughing because a Reality TV star is now our president-elect! As many of my readers might know, I’m not a television fan, I’ve never been a subscriber of cable, I’ve given up my love of football after the cold realization that I was being swindled by commercials and high paid thugs and the only television use in my house is to watch movies from either my computer or my DVD player. My voice doesn’t matter. No one cares what I think. They all assume to know something they know nothing of and that is ME! I’m not giving up hope. Christ is not about giving up! I will continue to stand with Christ while the people frolic in a two-faced society, one day filled with contempt for a person and the next day showing loving support. It makes absolutely no sense to me just as it didn’t when I was bullied in school. I’m winding down my year of blog posts and I have ten more before the change for me. I honestly don’t know what will happen but I’ll embrace whatever the Lord plans for me. My next ten posts will surely be about HOPE, CHRIST, LOVE, HONOR, Thanksgiving and they will all remain my walk with God and not man! Today I hold my head high, maintain every shred of the dignity I started the year with and walk hand-in-hand with our Mighty Savior who saw all of this coming before we did. I don’t judge you for your choices in life, please, don’t judge me for having a quiet voice amid a roaring angry crowd. I’m tired of the name-calling and the finger-pointing. What’s done is done now let us move on and a skip to my lou my darling.
Pss. 107:8-11 “Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness. Such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron; Because they rebelled against the words of God, and contemned the counsel of the most High:
Job 7:6 “My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle, and are spent without hope.”
Hope vs. Hopeless
I know there has to be hope out there somewhere in the crumbling world. I love searching out the good in the bad, the hope in the hopeless, the light in the dark. That is what the past couple of weeks have been for me. I took a long walk through a darkened tunnel that I knew the water drips I heard off in the distance meant that there was hope in finding a way out. The length and the depth of the cave I did not know but I walked on in search of something, a discovery of my inner self that often wrestles me to the ground holding me firmly in place. I would not allow the struggle to beat me into submission.
Prov. 13:12 “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.”
Facebook has become the world mostly filled with political zombies who are out to create their own world of feeling good about themselves no matter the cost to others who just seek out a good friendly natured place where their friends frequent. So I tend to stay back so as not to get entangled in the quagmire. I’ve been dealing with my own bubble in my own world and while I’m working on the resentment I harbor, it has been a lovely ball of yarn unraveling in the strangest of ways. As many of my readers know, I turn to God for everything and yes that means when all hope seems lost I turn to him for the comfort I need to get me through and a guided hand whose word I TRUST! One strange instance was last week when I walked outside to watch the sunset as I normally do. There it was, a face in the sky. A face so beautiful I call to my hubby and son to come take a look! It wasn’t hidden in the white fluffy clouds shaped like a face, instead, it was sketched in the fine wispy clouds looking like an artist had used a charcoal pencil to sketch the face on fine blue paper. The piercing eyes, the gallant nose, the arc-shaped mouth and square chin were very prominent, so much so I ran and got my camera because I wanted to share this awesome face with all of you. The next day when I tried putting the pictures (I took three) onto my computer, I was faced with three blanks, nothing, there was no picture to be had. “Jesus,” I cried out, “where are the pictures?” I checked to make sure the camera was working and sure enough the next three pictures I took came out clear as a bell. Adam, of course, tried to dismiss the missing pictures by saying maybe the lens cover was on or my finger was in the way. Just so you know, you can’t click a picture with the lens cap on because it pops off as soon as you turn the camera on and I had the zoom lens out which makes it pretty difficult for my finger to be in the way. By the way, the two pics before those three were taken were there as were the ones after. So there you have it, I’m left with MY theory of the three missing pictures. Let me first say that when I walked out the door, I gasped, I was taken aback thinking I had seen the face of Jesus himself. So much so a tear welled in my eye but didn’t spill over in my excitement of getting the camera. When there were no pictures to be seen for others to look at I realized that seeing the face was for my eyes, not for others. Not for me to send out into the viral world, not for me to make money off of, just for my eyes. To my husband and son, it was just a face but to me the face sketched in the sky was so much more that chills still run up my arms as I write this. It is firmly planted in my mind. The other obstacles we’re dealing with are my husband’s work hours bothering us. He really likes his new job but the minimal hours had him wondering if it was time to seek out a new job. I did what I always do when faced with a dilemma and that is pray. Friday he came home, down because it was a schedule with more minimal hours. He’d like at least 25, 20 to survive, but two weeks of fifteen hours were going to hurt. I prayed. Well, an Alleluia AMEN is in order because he got a call Monday morning, his scheduled day off and was asked to come in to work ‘a couple hours’. He said, of course, not a problem and off he went. A couple to me is two but it turned into five and a half hours! Prayers being answered. People often wonder why I am such a God person and I tell them flat out because He has always answered my prayers! Even when I’m praying for others, He answers. They can frequently be heard saying, “He never answers MY prayers”, and that is much of the reason they turn FROM him. Me? I must be praying for the right things because He has never let me down and has always unequivocally answered my prayers. No, I never pray to win a million dollars, a bigger house, a new car; I pray for food, sustenance and He provides. The hours of work didn’t fall out of the sky, they were coincidentally there at a time of the manager’s need and my hubby provided. And as you all well know, I don’t believe in coincidences. I’ll end this with saying, pray for the right things a couple of times. What are the right things, you might ask? Well, when that prayer is answered you’ll know. God Bless
Prov. 15:8 “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright is his delight.”
Eph. 3:3-4 “How that by revelation he made known unto me the mystery; (as I wrote afore in few words, Whereby, when ye read, ye may understand my knowledge in the mystery of Christ)
I see Him in the light of day I see Him in the clouds that sway I see Him in the breeze He breathes I see Him in the soul that seethes
Ezek. 12:2 “Son of man, thou dwellest in the midst of a rebellious house, which have eyes to see, and see not; they have ears to hear, and hear not: for they are a rebellious house.”
I know quite a few people who see the prophecy of the Bible for them and not us. For them I mean the people ‘over there’ and not here, in America. Do you really think that one of the most powerful countries in the world was left out of biblical prophecy? Why, because it was written so long ago? In the book of Revelation God spoke of the ‘End Times’ and you think he was talking just about the people in ‘other’ countries? Israel alone?
Do you believe the God who breathed the world into existence, knew the beginning and the end, would leave a country, a nation so full of sin out of the end times? So you think the end is only going to come to the other countries and God will spare America? Because we’re all that? I’m not a realist and even I can think in realistic terms concerning the end. America is not exempt!
In all my years of reading, studying and trying to understand the vast amount of truth in the writings of the Bible, I never one time thought that America was going to be excluded from the End Times. God did not specifically say the word America but He alludes to it in many references. Haggai 2:[6] “For thus saith the LORD of hosts; Yet once, it is a little while, and I will shake the heavens, and the earth, and the sea, and the dry land; [7] And I will shake all nations, and the desire of all nations shall come: and I will fill this house with glory, saith the LORD of hosts.” Isa. 66:18-20 [18] For I know their works and their thoughts: it shall come, that I will gather all nations and tongues; and they shall come, and see my glory. [19] And I will set a sign among them, and I will send those that escape of them unto the nations, to Tarshish, Pul, and Lud, that draw the bow, to Tubal, and Javan, to the isles afar off, that have not heard my fame, neither have seen my glory; and they shall declare my glory among the Gentiles. [20] And they shall bring all your brethren for an offering unto the LORD out of all nations upon horses, and in chariots, and in litters, and upon mules, and upon swift beasts, to my holy mountain Jerusalem, saith the LORD, as the children of Israel bring an offering in a clean vessel into the house of the LORD. Zech. 12:[2] “Behold, I will make Jerusalem a cup of trembling unto all the people round about, when they shall be in the siege both against Judah and against Jerusalem. [3] And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered together against it.”
Just as when he said “an eye for an eye” did NOT mean to pluck out the eye of another, the use of metaphors are rampant in the written word of thousands of years ago. To understand prophecy in the Bible you must understand metaphors and their meaning. Maybe this is why I’ve been a poet since as young as I can remember, I understand the difference in a metaphor and literal meaning.
Ezekiel 38 is full of end time prophecy and understanding this book with eyes wide open, not sleeping, you might see what God is trying to tell you. After some digging and research, I found that my thoughts are not mine alone. Now that I have the internet, my thoughts have reached a reality shared by other men and women who see.
Again, while granted I may be thought a strange one, these thoughts were in my mind before I could ever understand what they meant. My heart knew America was not exempt from End Times, my soul knew where I’d be in the End Times, and the momentum of my thoughts finally caught up with other people who see the same thing. Praise be to God!
While man is distracted with satans willpower by having them enmeshed in the here and now, worrying about idle chit-chat, engaging in senseless banter, he sweeps the shores and you’re caught unaware. He has you not believing in angels because he has unleashed a legion to thrive here on earth with you and you drink from the bath of his deceit.
There’s a reason I don’t tie myself up in prophecy and it’s because I’m awake, I see and am not blind to the truth right under my nose. Do you think our ‘nation’ is covered in evil because that is just the way humans evolved not ape to man but from good to evil? No, it’s because satan veiled our eyesight so we see only what he wants us to see. Is it a coincidence that veil is an anagram of evil? I don’t believe in coincidence.
Ecc.3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: [2] A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; [3] A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; [4] A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; [5] A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; [6] A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; [7] A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; [8] A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
May the Light of the Lord shine on you all and give every one of you a reason, a season, a lifetime.
God Bless you!
1 Pet. 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
