The Sin of Lying

Prov. 12:17 “He that speaketh truth sheweth forth righteousness: but a false witness deceit.”

“A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon I’d like you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday the minister asked to see a show of hands. “How many of you read Mark 17?” Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said “Mark only has sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon, the Sin of Lying.” 

This was a meme on my facebook wall. Yeah, my facebook wall is now filled with many prayer requests, scripture memes, flowers and little tidbits like this. I rarely post on facebook these days and only two people visit my wall so I really see no purpose in facebook anymore except for praying for people in need. That’s a great purpose in my eyes. 

The above meme caught my eye and gave me a little chuckle and reading the comments was interesting too. One woman said, “Everyone tells a little white lie at some point in time.” And another one said, “Now that says a lot.” One woman said, “Wow, they so want to lie.” I’m assuming she meant Christians when she said ‘they’? This is the image people have of Christians. 

I remember Pastor Mike pulling something like this on us when he asked (a trick question) “How many here sin?” My hand went up (too eagerly I might add) while only a couple more hands were raised out of two hundred people. I remembered the scripture all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Rom. 3:23) That is the only reason my hand went up so quickly, I know firsthand I’m a sinner. But others were not too quick to admit that because what, they are perfect and never sin? I don’t know. 

Lev. 6:3 “Or have found that which was lost, and lieth concerning it, and sweareth falsely; in any of all these that a man doeth, sinning therein:”

To me, the question isn’t about the sin per se, it’s more about the reason why people lie about the sin in their lives. Shame, ego, pride? I don’t know that one either, I’m not the one judging you. 

While the term lie is found often in the KJV bible, it is usually meant as ‘to lie down’, bearing false witness is used as ‘to not tell the truth’. I believe one of my biggest faults is that I’m too honest. Many hear my words and think, she has to be lying but let me tell you, I would rather give you the blunt, honest truth than to lie.

Prov. 14:5 “A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.”

The Christian life is not about happy joyful stories where everything goes right in our lives, sometimes our lives mimic the stories in the bible which can be pretty ugly at times. We as humans are no different than the biblical men and women. We color our world to look happy go lucky when deep down inside we suffer daily in pain and we strive on a daily basis to be a better person who doesn’t lie and hate, for what? For me, it is heaven. I long to see heaven and meet Jesus face to face.

Now I know quite a few people who don’t believe that heaven exists and I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with it, for ME but we’re all here to find something to believe in, strive to become something we see in others that we too can mirror. I think of all the people who boldly tell lies in a church to their minister what struggles they must be going through that no one will ever know because they hid so well amongst the righteous of the world. 

“All our righteous acts are like filthy rags.” That statement was in a bible study email that we were reading. I don’t know who to attribute it to or I surely would but it really hit me upside the head. We can do good until we’re blue in the face, it doesn’t pave the road into heaven. We can appear to everyone to be the do-gooders of society but that doesn’t mean we’ll make it to heaven.

We can continue to sin up until the day we die and beg God for forgiveness five seconds before we die. We know he’ll forgive us but does THAT ensure us an entry into heaven? I don’t know, I haven’t died yet; I’ll let you know when I get there. 

THAT my friends is NOT what He wants from us. He wants us now in our day-to-day living to be better people than all that have gone before us. He wants us to know that there is a penalty for sin when we do it knowingly. He wants us to be like His son and work toward being with Him. Yes, we all sin. Yes, we will all fall short. No, we will not all make it to heaven. That’s a scary thought to me. 

My Own Little World

My Own Blessed Little World

1 John 4:16 “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.”

Out here in the middle of nowhere, I sit in my own little world. People expect me to be absorbed in the virtual world but no, it serves no purpose in my life so I sit in my own little world tapping on keys writing to my hearts content. 

The mornings here in this springtime world are bathed in sunshine, after almost a month of gray clouds and rain. The crisp cool mornings are still upon us where a light jacket is needed in the morning but by afternoon, no jacket is required, just sun, grass, and endless fields.

The pivots are making their morning stroll releasing a mist to the newly planted fields. Big-wheeled tractors are making their morning rounds discharging a fertilizer to protect the greenery from insects. Then there are the cottonwood trees freeing the clumps of cotton-like substance landing on the ground looking like a newly fallen snow.

Then there is the insect world. The spiders have been awakened from their winter slumber, the flies are mounting an army to attack any living creature in their way, and the hummingbird moths have made their appearance on my Salvia bush. Butterflies flit off in the distance inspecting the newly bloomed Marigolds that resurface every year. Note that marigolds are not perennials but the mild winters have been protecting the seeds as they fell from last year and so I am blessed with hundreds of marigolds each season.

I was in a bit of depression a few weeks ago and my one friend asked me what was wrong. I didn’t really give him any clear answer but sure enough, a week later he prodded further and I told him I was healing. I had been down for who knows what reason but I was now working on myself and finding healing. That’s a friend, who senses when you’re down and actually cares enough to poke in your business to see what the problem is and checks up on you to make sure you’re doing okay. 

He assured me that I am blessed and it hit home. I began counting the blessings in my life instead of focusing on what I can’t do. You see, I’m not an idle person; I always like to be moving whether planting in my garden, digging up weeds, mowing, cleaning, and doing laundry or whatever. I type/write in the few minutes of rest that my disabled body needs, then I’m back up moving around. 

My disability gets me down a lot of the times. I don’t even know what the disability is but I do know if I was pulled over and asked to take a sobriety test I’d fail for my inability to walk a straight line and not from alcohol either. My vision isn’t too good either so I stopped driving for my safety and the other drivers, too. I was diagnosed with arthritis in my back but after reading the M.S. symptoms, I’m not going to rule that out.

After I throw myself a pity party, I find a healing place in counting my blessings. I know this doesn’t sound like a blessing but my neighbor finally mowed down her waist high grass. Her riding mower needed blade repair and a push mower that she bought (so that she could lose weight, she told me) was too hard for her so she had her riding mower repaired and spent four hours for three days out there in the sun, stirring up my allergies, but I was feeling blessed by not having to see the eyesore any longer.

On the cooler days, I take advantage of getting outside, in my own little world. Sometimes I mow (carefully, knowing my limits) sometimes I just sit out there watching trucks roll by, other times I’m out there, counting my blessings.

While many people are consumed with what they don’t have, what they HAVE to have, what they WANT and what they’ll spend their money on, I’m here in my own little world counting my blessings of all that I HAVE! Cherishing the fact that I have all that I NEED and want for nothing but cool nights so I can continue sleeping with my windows open and the breeze chilling me so much that the quilt is pulled up to my neck!

I know spring will end and summer will arrive, and in my own little world, that will be fine by me! I’ll just continue to count my blessings!

Deut. 28:2 “And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.”

They're all IDIOTS!

Prov. 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

How does that feel? Don’t you just love it when a ‘so called’ Christian stands out in plain site calling people idiots? That speaks volumes to the kind of person he/she is, I mean seriously isn’t there another way to hate people or nations, provinces, races, colors, ideologies? To disagree is one thing but to name-call, that is just harsh words to stir up anger. 

What I see when people name call are people who are racist, prejudice, ignorant slanderers that would not hesitate in calling a handicapped person a derogatory name either, or someone overweight belittling names or a mentally challenged person a demeaning name. It is the nature of haters to hate everything they possibly can and love only, what, their own mother?

This is a sad world when all you can do is register hate to begin your day. Are you telling me that your life is so boring that you have nothing better to do in life but spread hate, hate-filled posts, ignorance, lies and disgusts? I thought I had a sad life because of all the love I have for nature but surely the hate-mongers are desperate for attention. Oh don’t worry, they are not alone because they rally the numbers behind them and have the innocent victims falling in line to agree and cheer on their hate rant. I guess it is justified but the vicious cycle actually makes me want to puke. Just as my posts anger people for whatever reason because I don’t share in the hate? 

Prov. 19:1 “Better is the poor that walketh in his integrity, than he that is perverse in his lips, and is a fool.”

A couple of months ago the singer Prince died. The social media lit up in condolences and sympathy while the haters did nothing but add the dislike for the man. Was it because he was black man? Or his religion wasn’t the same as theirs? This weekend Muhammad Ali died after a long battle with an illness but he died happy and content. That made the jealous ones sit up and fill to the brim their hatred of the man who didn’t do one thing wrong to them, but oh wait, he was Muslim. 

You see, in this country, you cannot be any other religion. You can only be one political party and you MUST agree with the masses or you are up the creek without a paddle. If you do not conform to one way of thinking you are the one shunned for being different among the crowd. 

I wonder if this is what the Native Americans felt like when the Polish, German, Irish, British, Jews came over and put them in their own little private corner of the world and tried to force their religious and political beliefs on them.

In America, you can be Jewish and you’re accepted and praised, you can be Catholic, Protestant, Pentecostal, Baptist, Jehovah Witness, Lutheran, Methodist, Buddhist and any other religion except Muslim. God forbid should you be a practicing Muslim in America because that is SO un-American and no person will accept you. Yes, that IS what the Native Americans feel like. 

The hate-filled people will say that the Muslim are killers. Muhammed Ali was a practicing Muslim, was he a killer? Aaron Hernandez is a killer, OJ Simpson is a killer but they were probably of the right religion and that is why they are idolized.

I don’t even think America is divided by religion in my eyes, we’re divided as the people who love, and the people who hate. You either fit in or you don’t. Get over yourself people, America does NOT own the world and does not own religion. You so-called Christians need to learn how love, practice what you preach and stop all the hating any one or thing that doesn’t conform to YOUR expectations.

What to do? Well, what I do is I bask in the glory of the trees, the earth, the fields coming alive, the colorful birds singing and chirping, the sun rising and lending shadows to the earth. I rejoice in my Father who is in heaven and gave this beauty for me to behold, love and appreciate. Am I wrong for loving the human species the way Jesus loved all men? Am I so naïve to cherish all that I have in my life and not want for more?

I am content, I am alive and I LOVE. Alleluia, Amen!

Invisiible

This is a self-portrait

(sarcasm)

Invisible

Ephesians 4:25 ESV “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”

Sometimes you can feel totally invisible standing amid the crowd but when you look around, maybe they are enjoying all the beauty out in the world that they don’t see you standing right in their face.

From a June 3rd, 2014 post of mine on facebook – “A Grackle Tale – Sure they’re just annoying blackbirds but I love all birds and animals and communicate with them in some weird ways. Yesterday when one seemed distressed, I immediately went out to see what was wrong. She was looking down in the garden and just being so noisy; I assumed her baby fell from a nest or something. But she was just cawing and cawing and not going down to the garden where she had her eyes fixated on.
Many of her Grackle friends had joined her in a show of support but she was the only one cawing out. They sat in the tree in numbers watching her and ready to respond.
I noticed an empty black flowerpot had been blown into a divot in the garden and just lay there, unable to get out of the hole. 
I looked at her she at me and I said, “What, is this what you’re so excited about?” All the birds stirred as I moved toward the pot; her hanging close by watching me intently cawing and cawing. 
I picked up the pot, set it away on the nearby table so she could see it. The cawing stopped…she and her friends flew away. She thought the black pot was an injured grackle!
Moral of the story? When one person suspects their friend is in trouble, she makes a loud noise so her surrounding friends can support her and help if any danger ensues. Danger gone, the birds (friends) fly away, relieved.
Surround yourself with friends and prayer – all danger and fear will subside.”

There is another moral to the story but not as good as the first one. Sometimes when a friend puts a call out for help, many turn a blind eye and ignore. Humans are not like birds, I do believe we’re the lesser of the species. I’ve never met an animal with an ego as big as humans. Sure this makes people keep their control of not wanting to help but it is also an insult to the injured party.

It’s a harsh reality when you’re invisible. Sometimes I cause my own invisibility because people don’t like what I write. I hit a guilt nerve that resonates through people. Their ego has them thinking I am talking about them in specific when what I write is off the top of my head and is aimed at NO ONE. 

But you see, it is okay because the Lord never said it would be easy, or that you’d be liked for loving Him, no this road isn’t full of ‘everyone likes me’. This road is full of people who have the ‘run-and-flee’ mechanism built into them because what I say is holding a hidden truth that sends people into a guilt phase.

I’m not qualified to preach and preachiness is a big turn off for me. Some of my posts might come off as me being preachy but let me tell you, I speak from my heart, not from a scholarly know-it-all level. Usually, when I post, it comes from something I’m experiencing and I seek out answers as I write and more often than not, my only solace is the words in the bible.

Rom. 3: 9 “What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin;
[10] As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:
[11] There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.
[12] They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.
[13] Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips:
[14] Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness:
[15] Their feet are swift to shed blood:
[16] Destruction and misery are in their ways:
[17] And the way of peace have they not known:
[18] There is no fear of God before their eyes.
[19] Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.
[20] Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.
[21] But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;
[22] Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:”

That’s it my fellow man, we are all sinners! I throw my sin out there in the open for all of the world to read while many choose to hide behind their sin, so they can commit the sin over and over again and feel no guilt. 

1 Corinthians 6:20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

This is what I try and offer to people. To glorify God. It hurts me to see so many who claim to love God but do nothing to glorify Him. This is all I live for, to aid the weak birds fluttering around. I try to offer my assistance to help them stand and walk on their own. I fear my invisibility cloak will not allow those who NEED the help, to see me offering an extended hand. 

1 John 4:20 “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?”

May God bless each and every person reading this.

They killed him... to save a child

Concordia, Kansas

Matt. 10:38 “And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.”

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now about the seventeen-year-old gorilla Harambe.

Defending what they [officials] did because of the uproar of an innocent gorilla being shot to death, "That child's life was in danger. People who question that don't understand you can't take a risk with a silverback gorilla - this is a dangerous animal," Cincinnati Zoo Director Thane Maynard said.

The unattended child climbed through a protective barrier then fell fifteen feet and the fall didn’t kill him my guess is because he landed in the water below. That was the water of the endangered gorilla’s home. Harambe saw the child and ran over and the humongous gorilla looked like he was petting the boy, then he dragged him around the exhibit as the much watched video shows. He wasn’t aggressively shaking the boy and showed no signs of hurting him but quick action called for this almost extinct gorilla to be killed.

This is just another uproar since the demise of Cecil the Lion was inhumanely killed, by yet another Doctor, of a different field, but a doctor nonetheless. What has me bewildered is the reason for this post. Why did they kill the gorilla when he was not showing aggression? They couldn’t distract him? They couldn’t steer the screaming people above AWAY from the exhibit? I do understand that the child’s life matters but is this any different than the police officer who shoots first, explains later?

Anyway, the media spinmasters are doing their turn on the wheels of the matter. I see people posting memes about abortions? That people care more about some gorilla than the hundreds of babies killed everyday in abortion clinics? I’d like to put my spin on the matter: People care more about pointing fingers at others than they do pointing a finger at their own self?

I don’t know why this issue called to my mind a time where a man was being hung on a cross. Some cried out in disbelief, some were shedding tears of sorrow, and some were just standing around gawking waiting for the man to die. We claim to have come so far in thousands of years but essentially we are right there in the crowd, pointing, gawking or crying. 

I’m the one shedding tears of sorrow that human beings have not learned how to be civil to one another and we are still to this day hanging people on a cross when they’re right or wrong. Children die, people are careless, men are trigger happy all in the name of justice? Whose justice?

While you are all busy pointing fingers and gawking, allow me to ask you this, if you believe in heaven and that you have a slight chance of making it there, who do you think will be there with you? You think you’ll have a seat next to Mother Teresa? Saint Patrick? Peter, Paul, Mary? Let me enlighten you a bit, that person you’re laughing at, making fun of, taunting and lashing out at will be there right beside you. You might have to look him/her straight in the face and explain why you hated them so much before you enter heaven. That will be justice; the sweet smell of justice in the umpth degree!

THIS is the very reason we are to love our enemy as we love ourselves. It’s not to make ME feel better it is to make Him know and understand the reason He died on the cross for you. If you don’t practice what He preached, then He died in vain. 

1 Cor. 1:17 “For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of none effect.”

Authentic

Pss. 50:15 “And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.”

Do you know what it means to be authentic in your faith?

If we live in Christ, if we live our true identity our community, our world will never be the same. That is the message Jesus gave to Paul and Paul delivered to Ephesus. He wanted us to be authentic in what we show the world. If we are authentic then the world sees our unified Light. The more light that shines, the more illuminated the world will be during the dark times.

I often hear, “I can’t believe you wrote that, that you just put all of you out there.”

My response is, “It’s my truth.” That my friends is my authenticity. I am who I am and I don’t hide behind false bravado. If Jesus himself came knocking on my door, would someone else answer? He would see through me, He sees through everybody’s mask.  Would I put on a mask and pretend to be someone I’m not? Would I hide all the dirty dishes? No, because there are none. What He would see is the real me, just as He sees me every day. Not that He cares if you have dirty dishes, he would see you trying to hide them and your feelings of embarrassment and being caught unaware that He was coming.

Can everyone say that they were prepared for His visit? No? You attend church on Sunday, then come home, kick off your shoes and pop open a bottle or can of some booze and then go to the web and just accidentally fall upon the pornography or undesirable sites? You feed yourself junk and that includes the hate and disgust of the world until the next Sunday comes around when you put on that ‘Sunday face’ again? You then repeat the same thing over and over until each Sunday comes around? That is not being authentic.

Let me tell you another thing about me I’ll just toss out there; life’s tough. There is no easy road to being a person who is authentic in nature, God loving. That road is full of debris that hinders the path so going along smoothly becomes a rocky road and I don’t mean cheesy peasy ice cream easy, either. You might say, “What? Are you telling me you’re Miss Perfect?” And I’ll tell you right up front, in no uncertain terms, I AM NOT perfect, I am authentic! I wait for His coming and I prepare myself daily for His arrival.

Let’s say for example if you bumped into someone from Church in the grocery store, would you be the same person they see on Sunday? Suppose you have booze in your cart, would you feel uneasy, ashamed, proud, what? Let’s say a person from Church stopped by your house on a Wednesday unannounced, would you scurry to hide your mess? Would you pretend you’re not home because your place isn’t ‘acceptable’ to look at? 

Think about that seriously. Are you the same person sitting in church on Sunday as the person sitting at home the rest of the week? Yes I stumble, I fall, I skin my knees but sin is not something I commit willingly and usually I’m right up front about my sin; for some reason, hiding doesn’t seem to work. God sees all, so why hide behind a mask? If the truth is out there then it becomes easier to heal, easier to walk the path of authenticity because you’re exposed.

Nobody (except a doctor) likes to see an open wound. No one likes to share the open wound because it feels like you’re seeking self-pity. I like to put my open wounds out there to find healing. “See this scar? That was a wound that’s healed!” 

There are so many non-authentic people in the world the darkness is overloading the system. It’s like a bad virus that has corrupted the files. We want to choose a good cleaner for our system, we want the best anti-virus protecting us but our bad choices often lead us to damage the entire system. 

The authentic Christian chooses Christ to be his/her healer cleanser on a daily basis, not just a Sunday visit. It doesn’t work that way. Can you imagine turning off your firewall, your anti-virus protection on the computer every day of the week except Sunday? The vile, decrepit, sinister beast that will eventually expose your true nature will attack you. You have to have true authentic protection on a daily basis for the armor to hold up in your weaker moments.

This is MY story. This is MY authenticity shining through. Every person is different and has a different level of security set up. My choice is Christ. Has it stopped me from being attacked? Has God blanketed me from all pain? Nope, He sure hasn’t but He HAS been the one who's healed me. The only one who was there with a Kleenex to dry my tears. The only one who dove into my system to take away the crud; charges me up and emits a light that everyone sees. THAT is my authenticity in Christ shining through. 

May the lit umbrella of the Lord become your authentic nature and shine through you all! 

God bless

Eph. 6: 5-6 “Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;

Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;”

Quotation Saturday ~ Memorial Day

Fort McHenry

Baltimore, Maryland

WAR

“We the people, in order to form a unified world must stop to fact check before posting lies to diversify. We the people are the victims of a ‘click-bait-share’ system. Anger, rage and misunderstanding are all the causes of internal wars. You, my friends, are the ones so eager to share the lies without seeking out facts thus causing and feeding into the war of the races. You are the ones who start the wars.”
~ Joni Zipp

“Patriotism is a kind of religion; it is the egg from which wars are hatched."
[My Uncle Sosthenes]” 
~ Guy de Maupassant

“In war, the first casualty is truth.” 
~ Terry Hayes

“Wars today seem to occur at a more precise point in time but deep down they are permanent.” 
~ Bernardo Carvalho

MISUNDERSTANDING

“We're all born with selfish desires, so we can all relate to those feelings in others. But kindness is something made individually by each person...so it's easy to misunderstand when others are trying to be kind to you.” 
~ Natsuki Takaya

“They have the unique ability to listen to one story and understand another.” 
~ Pandora Poikilos

“The common man prays, 'I want a cookie right now!' And God responds, 'If you'd listen to what I say, tomorrow it will bring you 100 cookies.” 
~ Criss Jami

SEGREGATION

“All good people agree,
And all good people say,
All nice people, like Us, are We
And every one else is They:
But if you cross over the sea,
Instead of over the way,
You may end by (think of it!) looking on We
As only a sort of They!” 
~ Rudyard Kipling

“To become a true global citizen, one must abandon all notions of 'otherness' and instead embrace 'togetherness'. The world is no longer white, black, yellow and brown. Through love, tribes have been intermixing colors to reveal a new rainbow world. And as more time passes, this racial and cultural blending will make it harder for humans to side with one race, nation or religion over another. Therefore, practical wisdom should be used to abandon any cultural, social, religious, tribal, and national beliefs of alterity altogether. This is the only way mankind will truly evolve. Segregation is a word of the past. Unity is the key to a peaceful future.” 
~ Suzy Kassem

“Ignoring the evils of our history will only cause them to reoccur.” 
~ R.M. Donaldson

“Having the liberty to have freedom of choice is the greatest thing that each and every one of us has because that makes us who we are. Do not however, use this as an excuse to discriminate, segregate and stereotype mass amounts of people on the basis of a small group of individuals who have either the power or the spotlight to do bad things” 
~ Calum Alexander Logan

MEMORIAL DAY

“The atrocities of war are only overshadowed by the heroism of their dead.” 
~ Todd Stocker

“As individuals die every moment, how insensitive and fabricated a love it is to set aside a day from selfish routine in prideful, patriotic commemoration of tragedy. Just as God is provoked by those who tithe simply because they feel that they must tithe, I am provoked by those who commemorate simply because they feel that they must commemorate.” 
~ Criss Jami

“We'd like to think that it is not our fault that great men and women died fighting for the security of our nation and safety of our communities. But we know this not to be true. They committed their lives for us in instances where either we were too afraid to do it ourselves or failed to find alternate solutions on our own. We enjoy the fruits of their ultimate sacrifice and owe their families a heartfelt thanks and apology every day.” 
~ D'Andre Lampkin

“You are silent now who once stood on battlefields ravaged by destruction unimaginable, holding in those desperate places the line of freedom for others you would never know, and who would never know you. And being one of those you never knew, I would give all I have to clasp your hand one single time, look into eyes that witnessed the bloodied carnage that results when freedom refuses to bow to chains of any kind, and simply say 'thank you.” 
~ Craig D. Lounsbrough


Have a safe and blessed Memorial Day weekend remembering this:

“-We need more love, to supersede hatred,
-We need more strength, 
to resist our weaknesses, 
-We need more inspiration, 
to lighten up our inner mind. 
-We need more learning, 
to erase our ignorance, 
-We need more wisdom, 
to live longer and happier, 
-We need more truths, to suppress deceptions, 
-We need more health, 
to enjoy our wealth, 
-We need more peace, to stay in harmony with our brethren 
-We need more smiles, 
to brighten up our day, 
-We need more hero's, and not zero's, 
-We need more change of ourselves, to change the lives of others, 
-We need more understanding, 
to tackle our misunderstanding, 
-We need more sympathy, 
not apathy, 
-We need more forgiveness, 
not vengeance, 
-We need more humility to be lifted up, 
-We need more patience and not undue eagerness, 
-We need more focus, to avoid distraction, 
-We need more optimism, 
not pessimism 
-We need more justice, 
not injustice, 
-We need more facts, not fiction,
-We need more education, 
to curb illiteracy, 
-We need more skills, not incompetence, 
-We need more challenges, 
to make attempts, 
-We need more talents, 
to create the extraordinary, 
-We need more helping hands, 
not stingy folks, 
-We need more efforts, 
not laziness, 
-We need more jokes, to forget our worries, 
-We need more spirituality, 
not mean religion, 
-We need more freedom, 
not enslavement, 
-We need more peacemakers, 
not revolutionaries...with these, we create a heaven on earth.” 
~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Healing Through Prayer

1 John 2:1-2 (NIV)

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

Healing through prayer

The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective. It may be just me, but I do not feel an emoticon is righteous and should not be used in the place of prayer, real earnest prayer. I have learned through watching and seeing, feeling and knowing that prayer encourages healing and this is where I’m at, for now.

Who are the ones paying when I don’t pray? The negative influencing people could care less about me or whether they are hurting me or they wouldn’t post what they do and consider the pain they might inflict on people. No, they continue spewing their hatred, flaunting the ego in laughter and using God’s word for their own feel good show. 

When I can’t make it onto facebook and see the prayer requests, the only one paying for my lack of prayer are those in need of prayer and thus satan thinks he is winning the game. As I find healing it is only through prayer that the power of prayer is realized. While satan was wielding his pitchfork and laughing at my seeming demise, I prayed. My God has always been stronger and more powerful and I knew I’d find healing.

I need to stop taking everything people write and post as a personal attack on ME! I need to know that people are human and going to act accordingly in the search for their egos survival for without their ego, they are nothing. To me, they are the Legion referred to in Luke. Men of many faces, hiding in the armpits of satan, wearing the many masks that evil offers.

Luke 8:30 “And Jesus asked him, saying, What is thy name? And he said, Legion: because many devils were entered into him.”

The darkened days are clouded over with an air of mystery as night after night, day after day storms erupt from the sky unleashing damaging lightning, gusting forceful winds, trembling thunder, and torrential rains that leave the newly plowed fields unrecognizable. The sun is hiding behind the darkness waiting to warm the moistened soil just as God is waiting for me to embrace the light that is hiding within me and to override the negative influence with the Glory of Him and Him alone.

While depression will lay dormant I will get on the horse and ride into the sunset that I know is there and it will cradle my thoughts. I will not make light of the darkness that covers my eyes, no I will see the sun lurking behind the cloud waiting to pierce the ground in the light beams that will eventually devour the gray murk of the days.

I don’t use pills to heal my daily pain, I don’t use alcohol to hide behind a storm inside, I don’t abuse food because it serves me no purpose. I won’t go to a doctor who is only there to tell me what I DON’T have wrong with me and can only confirm what IS wrong with me when the tally of the doctor bill reaches the thousands, THEN they’ll find what is wrong and will medicate me for the problem instead of finding HEALING for the problem.

Each day that passes, I will slowly emerge the victor of the storm stronger because the darkness didn’t win, this time, yet again. A flower will unveil one petal at a time. Buds will emerge and the winds will strengthen the stem. I will continue to write, as this is my God-given path that I must pursue. While my immediate family could care less if I write, I know there are people out in the world seeking that one person who is suffering with them and wish to read how they handle such circumstances and maybe THAT is why so many storms take hold of my life so that I can weather them and share my healing with others like me. 

I'll weather this storm and find my healing through earnest prayer. All praise and Glory to God. 

Phil. 4: 6-7 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

I'm Alive

Photo by: Adam

Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

I’m alive and I’m okay with that. Depression sucks the blood right out of your veins until you feel like a shell of skin with nothing in between to hold it together.

“Sometimes you are satisfied with your life while many people in this world are dreaming of living your life…
A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of being a pilot. But a pilot on the plane sees a farmhouse and dreams of returning home.
That’s life! Enjoy yours… if wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing in the streets, but only the poor kids do that.
If power ensures security, then officials should walk unguarded, but those who live simply, sleep SOUNDLY.
If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages.
LIVE SIMPLY, WALK HUMBLY AND LOVE GENUINELY. All good will come back to you.” ~ Healing Journey posted this to facebook. I don’t know who the author is but I like it. 

I need things like this to lift my spirits so I don’t feel so isolated in an over-populated world. I see the outside but gusty winds that nearly topple me, and continuous days of rain keeping the ground saturated and the cool temps of springtime are keeping me basically housebound. My extremely unfertile soil is keeping me from growing anything that resembles something edible and the scorching sun will devour my flowers that do make a comeback soon. 

You’d think I’d be writing like crazy but no when I get depressed, writing is the farthest thing from my mind. It’s a good thing I don’t eat like a mad hatter or I’d be as big as this house we live in. I’ve never really been into chocolate and junk mainly because when you’ve suffered from toothaches the size of Mt. Etna throughout your life, it does keep you in check of what you CAN eat and what you avoid at all cost. 

Even with my tooth problems taken care of, I’ve built a dislike for things that just aren’t good for me, to me, a blessing in disguise since heart problems and type2 diabetes and other health problems run rampant in my family. Taking care of my internal health hasn’t been a problem but it still doesn’t stop maladies from cropping up to attack me.

The world has me depressed. Not so much the world but the cunning people of the world, the hypocrites, the liars and deceivers that I truly believe are working for satan and not God. I have one or two friends that are children of God. You can see Him working through them and everything that they put out into the world glows like a meteor flashing across the sky. They shine brightly. 

I’m hanging onto my faith in God as tightly as I can as the wine bibbers and deceivers prowl around as if they are working with God but I can see right through them. They’re the once a week Sunday dwellers. The rest of the week they’re partnered with the likes of satan manipulating their lives so that people THINK they’re the children of God but clearly they are the workers of satan defiling the world we live in today.

We are too close to the end to be toying with the rights and wrongs of society. You think you have time because hey, God will forgive you, right? No matter what you do, God is the all-forgiving God who allows you to sin and sin and sin and keep on sinning until the last day when you say, oops, forgive me God and he whisks you away to the pearly gates in the sky? 

Yes, we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God and I strive every day to not continue in sin because I want myself clean before God, not a dirty rag that has been washed over and over in sin and at the last minute begs for forgiveness. I live to be who God wants me to be, not who * I * want to be in a selfish ego driven manner.   

I will fight my way through depression. I will pray for those who walk in the dark and are alive being a contortion of this world. I will ask for myself to be healed and cleansed. I will continue in solitude, grow in obscurity, bathe in the glory of monotony and focus on my inner qualities that God is shaping into His life form. I am a child of God not a child of this world.

A word from Charles Swindoll:

If you are reading me today, I hope it is because you have me bookmarked and look forward to reading me and my crazy thoughts. I have to stay away from facebook as one or two light-filled people don’t outweigh the many dark ones. I go now and wait for yet another storm to come and this one has a tornado watch attached to it, so be good people, I’m not going to be around forever to keep you in line. 

May the Light of the Lord shine from within you and carry it for the world to see. 

God Bless…

Rom. 8:29 “For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.”

A Break

John 5:30 “I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.”

I’m taking a break. Maybe you’ve noticed, maybe you haven’t but there comes a time when God puts a halt to your daily routine and lets you know you need a break from it all. 

I’ve almost given facebook up completely (except for the prayer requests) since facebook is no longer a feel-good place. Instead of the place lifting my spirits up, what has happened is the complete opposite. There is no way to bathe yourself in negativity on a daily basis and it makes you feel good. 

It has grown to be more than all of the political crap being spewed by the ‘so-called’ Christians, there is a blanket of negative posts that leads one to see people differently, like not in a good light? I just have to take a break. I don’t like seeing people in a negative light. My blog writing will pay the price because not even writing positive stuff makes me feel good anymore. The negativity has saturated my being and I need a break so I can refocus and come back in full form.

There used to be a couple of positive posts that I could look to and it lift me up and carry me through the day but no, two positive posts do not outweigh the twenty or so negative posts. Yes, this election year has turned people into some sort of demon seeds, spilling out hate like an oil slick on water damaging anything it comes into contact with. 

People think they are being helpful and insightful but all that they do is generate a negative energy that feeds the other legion of negative dwellers. They swarm like bees, gnawing the very essence of positivity and draining the site of all the good left in the world. And then people wonder why they can’t sleep at night?

That’s the one good thing that hasn’t been ruined by the negative virtual world and that’s my sleep. I sleep soundly, I fall to sleep right away and the only thing that awakens me is the sound of the early birds chiming in my window and letting me know the sun is about to rise. So that’s my positive; yay me!

The downright chilly mornings are refreshing. Open windows, low electric bills, no heater needed or A.C., a roof over my head and food in my fridge. All are the positive things that I hold onto while venturing into the negative realm. 

The babies; my niece (and her hubby) have a daughter about to turn one-year-old, my nephew (and his wife) has a daughter turning one in August, my other niece (and her hubby) have three beautiful well rounded adjusted kids that I love seeing their faces and pics to make my day more merry. And I also have a friend who has a daughter with a baby who has the most beautiful eyelashes and laughter that can make any downer of a day a pick me up of a day. Those beautiful faces keep facebook alive for me.

I’ve suffered from depression my whole life, I’ve never been medicated for depression or back pain and I walk with my head high because I will not throw negative crud in people’s faces to make them feel worse? We have a very sick nation that enjoys spewing hate!

Thank you for telling me what I already know. Thank you for letting me know what Memorial Day is all about because God knows, the stupid people who read your wall were not too sure. Thank you for telling me how stupid Democrats are and how intelligent Republicans are? Because again, God knows I don’t know this stuff and I need YOU to make your ego feel good and yes, that’s all it is, YOU on an EGO trip.

I need a break because the more time I spend in the virtual world the less I feel like a human being,and the more anger fills my soul. I knew I didn’t need this world to invade my world and turn me against the world. Yeah, I know, that makes no sense. But hey, nobody sees me as having sense anyway, so enjoy your life. Enjoy the mask-wearing ego-tripping person that you are and leave me to my God. Oh was that name calling? My apologies. You the people have done this and I THANK YOU! For showing me who you truly are and who I will never be in my lifetime.

Oh, and God forgive me. Oh, that’s right, I know you will, thanks. 

May God Bless Everyone! Yup, Muslims too! 

May Fever and a Blessed Day

Job 3:6 “As for that night, let darkness seize upon it; let it not be joined unto the days of the year, let it not come into the number of the months.”

Did you miss me? I didn’t think so. 

Well, last week I caught May fever and wrote posts for five days in a row cornering me into an ‘I need a break’ phase. The weather has been a pleasant 60ish to 70ish, not the unbearable 80ish I, and my body, so detest. We’ve had plenty of rain that is keeping the roads nice and muddy and the grass long and lanky one day after a mowing. 

The farming season has begun with the trucks barreling down the road, tillers tilling the fields, and the ever sneezy atmosphere of the fertilizer sprays. Did I mention the tree pollen and my neighbors' twelve-inch grass blowing in the wind? Please don’t say, “Do the neighborly thing and mow it for her,” she has a working riding mower and only mows the property that she lives in not the property (trailer) she rents and keeps as a dog house. Ahh, the life in the country that I would not trade for the world!

Today marks our one-year wedding anniversary and yes, we made it a whole year, coupled with the thirteen years that we dated. We might go out to lunch and then take in an afternoon movie. No, I will not be seeing a Marvel movie, hopefully. Somewhere I matured and am so not into superheroes. (minus my Christian Bale Batman excitement). They just wear too thin in the CGI category and no real plot to the story with hot nobodies turned into superwomen somehow. I roll my eyes half the time frustrating the man beside me who grew up a comic book fan and has to see every Marvel movie ever made!

I won’t be doing my much-loved gardening this year since I don’t have a tiller, can’t do the garden work because of my back problems, so I’m just going to let what flowers come up, appear and tend to them upon arrival.

Today is Friday the Thirteenth and while many think this is a bad luck day, I see it as a GOOD numbered day since this is the day we wed one year ago, and it is our thirteenth year of being together. I don’t believe in luck but if there is such a thing, thirteen would be my lucky number! 

Minus the 35 MPH sustained winds, all in all, it was a good day. We went to lunch at the China Buffet and had a delicious very filling meal where we came home afterward to sit and feel bloated. This little woman fills up after two plates and dessert. We stopped at a nursery on the way home and bought some Salvia for my garden. They are hardy perennials that I know will return year after year.

We wobbled home and began watching a movie called Failure to Launch, a clean, funny, romantic comedy that had me in stitches! It starred Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker. I LOVE Matthew and have only heard of Jessica; never really seen her in anything before.  Instead of spending $40 that it would take to go to a theater we saved our money and bought plants instead.

By serendipity, the weeks end happened. I say serendipity because hubby was going to ask for the two days off but when he received his schedule, his boss already had him off for two days, today and tomorrow too. See? Friday the 13th is a GOOD day! We made it an entire year! Woohoo! Okay, after spending thirteen years together I thought that was funny. 

I’ve got great friends who all gave me well wishes and it turned out to be a blessed day. Now onto another movie… You’ve Got Mail! And a full moon tonight…… *twilight zone music plays*

God Bless!

Job 41:17 “They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.”

Poetry Sunday ~ Mother's Day

Ex. 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

Mother

The Christ child had a mother

Just the same as you and me.

Favored, Mary was full of Grace

The Lord is now with thee.

We all had the best mothers

To each his own be true.

Admit that Jesus had the one

That gave her Son to you. 

A mother’s seen as perfect

As we all think she should be.

Humbled, Mary’s full of Grace

Our Lord is now with thee.

A sacrificial love endures

The house becomes a home.

With mother's gentle guidance

She frees her child to roam. 

Footprints left in space and time

A mother's eternal bond

Mother Mary who’s full of grace

With love from here and beyond.

Luke 1:28-31 (KJV)

28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.

29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.

30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.

31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.

Quotation Saturday ~ Happy Mother's Day

Exodus 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

MOTHER

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” 
― Washington Irving

“In a child's eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.” 
― N.K. Jemisin

“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” 
― George Washington

“Perhaps it takes courage to raise children..” 
― John Steinbeck

“I like it when my mother smiles. And I especially like it when I make her smile.” 
― Adriana Trigiani

“The greatest heroes in life are those that never give up on someone. They stick it out and make it work. They sacrifice things in their life, in order to help others grow. They give up what they want because someone needs it more. They work hard and overcome adversity. They fail for a moment but get back up on their feet to show others they don’t have to stay down. They show their loved ones that love is not “proved” by conformity. They teach others that having a voice is a sign of courage, and they will not stay silent to make people feel comfortable. They are fearless and will do whatever it takes to bring about the greatness in the ones they love because doing so brings them peace. Their name is---MOM.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“Without you, there would be no me. 
I am everything reflected in your eyes. 
I am everything approved by your smile. 
I am everything born of your guidance. 
I am me only because of you.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

“You can't love your mother or father if you don't also have the capacity to grieve their deaths and, perhaps even more so, grieve parts of their lives.” 
― Glenn Beck

“Babies of around one-year-old are often active by day and wake frequently at night, for no obvious reason. Then a mother can feel desperate for sleep yet equally desperate to comfort her baby when he needs her at night. I have spoken to many mothers who have sacrificed their own sleep, waking up numerous times every night because their babies cried for them. It seems terrible that these hardworking women think of themselves as failures as a result. Surely a mother who has chosen to sacrifice her sleep deserves respect and admiration for her generous mothering.” 
― Naomi Stadlen, What Mothers Do: especially when it looks like nothing

“Think of your mother and smile for all of the good precious moments.” 
― Ana Monnar

“You loved me before seeing me;

You love me in all my mistakes;

You will love me for what I am.” 
― Luffina Lourduraj

“Every family is a ghost story....But behind all your stories is always your mother's story because hers is where yours begins.” 
― Mitch Albom, 

“My mother wasn’t perfect by any means but she stayed married for 60 years and endured raising six kids through tough trying times, never bailing on us. Did she love one child more than the other? My siblings all thought so but maybe after having children of their own they realize, you love each child because it is a part of you that birthed them. You love them ALL.”
~ Joni 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOTHER

a pic of my mother on Easter 2016

she is 79 years young

and smiling!

<3 heaven="" in="" meet="" p="" until="" we="">

MTOC ~ Day Five Finale

Acts 18:9-11 “Then spake the Lord to Paul in the night by a vision, Be not afraid, but speak, and hold not thy peace: For I am with thee, and no man shall set on thee to hurt thee: for I have much people in this city. And he continued there a year and six months, teaching the word of God among them.”

Sometimes the truth hurts. 

It is pretty sad to watch the nation go down the tubes but it is also pretty sad to watch mankind take everything they read at face value. Remember, if they read it on the internet it MUST be true, right? 

This week I lay open MY truth, the truth of MY life and why I am who I am and just who it is you judge. Some people call me a God freak and they’d be right. I am inebriated on God. I am drowning in the love and peace of God. 

I see a nation before me who has kicked God to the curb, tossed Him out like yesterday’s news but funny thing is, man clings like a wet napkin to yesterday’s news more than they ever clung to God. 

People put more energy in their government than they ever put into God, maybe that is why the social media is lit like Times Square on New Years Eve with political memes bashing politicians, passing laws, hatred for practically everyone and everything and not giving a second thought to God the creator of this mess we call Earth.

Many people out there believe God is the creator but there are more that don’t understand how He can let this earth go to hell. You only see the bad, pick out the portions of the bible that scare you and go from there attacking anything religious in nature.

If someone posts a scripture you assume they are God freaks, if they post pictures of Angel’s you assume they are worshipping false idols. If someone posts an Obama picture you call them Libtards and if someone posts a picture of Donald Trump looking like Hitler you attack their insensitivity to humans killed by Hitler. Do you see the pattern?

The world is consumed with attacking one another for any and every single thing! It began when satan didn’t like the idea of God ruling the world and so he began attacking harshly then went on to rape (literally and figuratively) more discreetly pulling the human race into his web of deceit. 

Man is supposed to be the one on top of the food chain but seriously I see animals with more respect for their fellow species! I can see why people think that Christianity is full of hypocrisy. Native Americans had to watch the ‘religious man’ take over their land. They then became the first people discriminated against and the white man has been pushing the discriminatory agenda for centuries!

My parents grew up in an era where the black man was the low man on the totem pole. I grew up in an era where all I wanted to do was GIVE PEACE A CHANCE; morally, spiritually or ethically. Peace is a state of mind and I don’t feel that religiously peace is possible or what man wants. This era is one to shun ANYONE or ANYTHING that is different from what YOU believe in all because “the Bible says THIS” or “the Bible says THAT.” Without dissecting the bible to fit your agenda, can you say that the bible taught you to hate?

Don’t hate me for saying this but I personally feel that the many different religions are what is destroying the world. My God did not intend for the world to be full of hate. He didn’t send His Son to give a message of hate but of love and unity and we have distorted the Word from every angle we possibly can. That my friends is not God’s doing.

Yes, I am a God freak, not a religious nut. I accepted the Holy Spirit (yes, SPIRIT) to guide me in a life of love. Love my enemy as I love myself. To love my sister and brothers (yes, I still love my siblings) as God would have wanted me to in turning the other cheek. Live it! Be one with love and you will feel the peace I’ve been writing about all week. Wake up people, GIVE PEACE A CHANCE!

My testimony of Christ stands to say that *I* found God my way with all that He intended for MY life and now it is your CHOICE to choose a spiritual path or an angry riddled trail filled with gravel to hinder every barefoot step you take. I hope you’ve enjoyed my testimony and if you haven’t I have enjoyed writing and feeling an emotional healing taking place. Just so you know, I would NOT want to go back and change one single thing in my life, it made me who I am today. 

May the Grace of God be with you all!

Phil. 4:9 “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”

Col. 1:20 “And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven.”

Rev. 6:4 “And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.”

MTOC ~ Day Four: Mysteries of God

Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I should be dead right now. When I was three-years-old my brother and sister were pushing me on a swing when my cries to stop pushing me higher didn’t get them to stop, they continued until I jumped off the swing and flew toward the wire fence, catching my wrist and slicing it like a thanksgiving day turkey. I have the stitches to prove it. I should be dead but I lived.

You’d think that by doing all the drugs I did as a child LSD, PCP, the enormous amount of marijuana, and not to mention my overdose on alcohol would have killed me, but here I am, alive to tell about it. People like me should be dead but here’s the thing, I think God had a plan. I know many of you don’t believe in God, you don’t believe in something greater than yourself and you know why? Because you’re selfish, you think of you. I didn’t mean that to be judgmental, I meant it as an observance on MY healing.

I was not one consumed with myself, I put others before me. Sure I was a bad kid but I always thought of the other people before I thought of healing myself. I turned to God because I had heard he was a great healer and after the loss of my firstborn child (at sixteen) to stillbirth, The Holy Spirit consumed me and helped me during my grief and stayed with me to this day.

When you care for other people, which means you love, you can’t have love in you without God being in you because God IS love. Some people see it that way while others just see love as an emotion. Many religions and spiritual faiths revolve around love. Love is the center and the God of their faith, period.

As dysfunctional as my upbringing was, I never knew what Meth was or heroine, and I NEVER stuck a needle in my arm; in some form, that was my saving grace. At twenty-one years old as I started down the path of change, I watched many ‘friends’ die by making the wrong choice in life. Whether it was by an overdose, a shooting, jail, or trying to reform, death was surrounding me but yet I was alive and breaking free. I didn’t see it as scientific, I know it wasn’t ‘luck’, I never believed in coincidence, the one thing that was left was GOD. God saved me and HE guided me. 

My twenty-year marriage wasn’t ALL that bad as I seem to paint it, we had some pretty good years and the birth of a living son. It was toward the end when we started growing apart instead of growing together. I saw a future in writing. I was witnessing my growth and seeing the impact that God was having on my life. I saw my growth and healing and my ex didn’t want to grow and change for the better, he just wanted to control and obsess. 

So I wound up in Texas after giving up all of my earthly possessions. My husband gave me two weeks to get out of ‘his’ house. I took my son and saw a brighter future for him than the Baltimore streets would have ever allowed.

I had met a stranger online and for ten months we got to know one another on a spiritual level. He wasn’t a George Clooney prince coming to save me, he was more of a John Cusack silent knight in shining armor coming to my emotional rescue. My husband knew he had lost the battle to control me so he let me go and feigned defeat. 

The night before I left, Steven and I went to my sister’s for dinner and to say our goodbyes to the kids. No one showed up except my mother. My sister and I left on bitter terms because I had sat a rock on her precious oak table. I told her my Rock was the reason I had the strength to follow on a path that will lead me away. To this day, I still have the rock, the physical one AND the Spiritual Rock! 

Alone in Texas, I had to redefine myself; learn to love this stranger on what was now a physical level. It didn’t happen immediately and we had to grow to be better people and as a team WE chose God and the church (or did God choose us?) My son, Steven and I all grew together to become one family, united. Again, it was not luck, not science, no coincidence involved, it was something greater and more spiritual that drove us. 

Six growing years in Texas for me when we found a fork in the road called blindness. We had to move to Nebraska and surround ourselves with his family who could empower us to get through a very troubled time. His family is one that had God in their lives instilled early on by grandparents. The light of their ancestry shone round about us as we embarked on this journey. On April 26th, my deceased daughter Astri’s birthday, we sailed (or I drove) off to the safe haven of the Midwest.

Strength washed over us, the Church was our anchor and his family was the boat that drifted us into a safe harbor. Miraculously his sight was restored two and a half years later, prayers were answered and as we anchored ourselves to the shore, six years after we arrived in Nebraska we were united in marriage surrounded by my son and his mother. 

The mysteries of God is there for everyone to behold but again we live in a world where everyone but a few are consumed with themselves; what they can get out of the world, what the world owes them and who is to blame for nothing happening the way they planned. The Mysteries of God are unraveling before me, and the only way for me to relay the story is to fulfill my purpose and my dream and that is to WRITE. 

God Bless you ALL!

Ecc. 3:1 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” 

MTOC ~ Day Three ~ Choice

“When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticism, misguided opinions, walking away is the best way to stand up for yourself. To respond with anger is an endorsement of their attitude.” ~ Dodinsky

I have laid my past to rest and crawled out of the darkened pit with my fingernails intact as well as my dignity. While I could have lashed out at my sister for her insensitive ignorant remarks toward me, my son and my husband, I CHOSE the higher road and continue on with my life that I have built for myself. Not with the help of any blood family members who remain anchors that weigh me down. I now look to my Spiritual family to lift me up on a daily basis. 

We ALL have a choice and while some will cling to the bitterness that shapes their life, I CHOOSE not to allow anger and bitterness to define who I am now. THAT my friends is God in me. It isn’t any scientific psychological mumbo jumbo, nope it’s that God mumbo jumbo that I keep telling people about. 

I have a friend who over reacted to something she had seen. Apparently Kirk Cameron is doing a tour giving HIS testimony of Christ. While he has the star quality that I don’t have, his words are going to be faced with pretty much the same criticism I’m faced with in my testimony. Us God people are just freaks of nature. I along with millions, and possibly billions are all wrong and all freaks of this ‘God’ we speak of. 

What did Kirk Cameron say that ticked my friend off? 

He said, "Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband's lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband," he says. "When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage."

She raged on, (I won’t share her entire post for privacy reasons) but this is some of what she said:

“If this is what being Christian means, then I don't want any part of it.” 

What she said, loosely, is that she heard Cameron say that women are to be servant slaves to their husband. His sister Candace said that she agreed with Kirk and is submissive to HER husband but what my friend missed was the CHOICE of the entire message. I think she missed the point that we, men AND women, are to love, honor, respect and cherish one another. Not be slaves but to honor one another.

I don’t judge her for her opinion on the matter because it is what I see as a national problem with the message that Jesus was trying to convey. People mix the Old Testament with the New Testament and make confetti of the words and dish out what suits them. They dissect the word to fit into their little world, they use the words like wet clay and try to form those words into a belief system that suits or doesn’t suit them. To ME, it looks like they’ve made an ashtray out of the Word of God.

They try going to church but again, they’re met with confetti and don’t understand what is being said. They’re looked over, gawked at and made to feel like an outsider so they flee from the church never to return. They hear people TALK about the Word of God but for some reason, they don’t SEE the word of God working in people. Is that because the Bible bearers ACTIONS are not equal to what they are saying? 

It’s a fine line sure, but also, it is a matter of CHOICE. When you look at the starry sky at night lit up like diamonds scattered on a sunny beach do you see a disorderly array of stars or do you see things like Cassiopeia, Orion or the Pleiades hiding within the astrological signs? This is the same thing when people hear the Word of God or people speak of the word of God. Others hear a disorganized message or they hear a divinely orchestrated message hidden in there. 

Last year when my dad passed away, I couldn’t make it back home and it gripped me for months, the guilt, the hurt, the suffering pangs I felt. My sister in her obvious dislike for me (I’m not going to pretend otherwise) had said, “Well YOU made the choice to leave here!” I rightfully said, “Yes, yes I did, I chose LIFE over death.”

I had suffered back home and nearly lost my life on more occasions than one, so leaving my husband WAS a choice of mine, a CHOICE of survival. Those people enslaved me and kept me bound by their misfit whims of dysfunction and I just assumed that that is how life was supposed to be. I prayed often for deliverance from the hell I was entombed in. 

It wasn’t until I found freedom in the land of Texas was I able to see the outside world and after months of suffering anxiety attacks nightly, running off hyperventilating on the dark streets of Texas, I slowly got a grip on what reality looked like. My years and years of prayers were finally answered; I was free from enslavement. 

God put me on a path and only because my choice was Him did my world start to turn around and I saw the light of day. When I tell people of Christ, it isn’t from a high and mighty pedestal, it isn’t from a wealthy sculpted upbringing, it isn’t from being shaped by a defective family, no, it is from a woman who CHOSE God over living to the conformity of man. Yes, the same men who wrote the Holy Bible, Old and New Testaments. 

I live for the mysteries of God. You’re right people, the Bible is a bunch  of words, supposedly the divine intervention of God Himself, but it isn’t until you CHOOSE the Holy Spirit to live IN you will you ever grasp the meaning of one word or message from the Holy Bible. 

Acts 15:7 “And when there had been much disputing, Peter rose up, and said unto them, Men and brethren, ye know how that a good while ago God made choice among us, that the Gentiles by my mouth should hear the word of the gospel, and believe.”

MTOC ~ Day Two: Laid To Rest

Job 22:29 “When men are cast down, then thou shalt say, There is lifting up; and he shall save the humble person.”

My Testimony of Christ

Okay, where was I? Read yesterday’s post.

My mother and sister had a disagreement this weekend and in dysfunctional familyesque form, my sister told my mother that she died when I was born. Mind you, my sister was three years old when I came along. I was the sixth child to be born and better yet, I was born on my mother’s birthday. I ruined my sister’s life by being born and paid for the anarchy that ensued in the following years.

My sister felt slighted from that day forward. She was no longer daddy’s little princess because this new baby came along with a shining smile and stole all of her limelight. I guess I was THAT cute from birth. That was sarcasm. 

I’m not here to tell my sister’s story. But I will say that when my mother told me what my sister said it hurt; another wound on my skin, another scar to add to the fold. I was angry, enraged, bitter and wanted to go on facebook and announce to the world that my sister was a total piece of …

I stopped, “Dear God help me!” It’s all I could do to calm down. I said yesterday how He took me in and saved me, so in my times of distress that is all I know to do, turn to Him. I sat and prayed and as I did memories came flooding back; memories I would have rather laid to rest but they resurface anytime my sister takes out her sword and stabs me with her jealous needles.

I have a friend who told me once, “You have to put the past behind you and leave your blood family behind. We’re your family now, your spiritual family!” No truer words were ever spoken. My family doesn’t know me anymore, I’m the kid (I was thirty-seven) who left home and left them to pick up the pieces of the family puzzle that I left lying on the floor. 

A twenty-year marriage shattered because I listened to God; not to the family or husband who wanted me bound to their whim. I catered to them and weaved them together so that we formed some form of semblance of a family but when I left, with two-weeks notice, the puzzle burnt in a flame of fire. No one spoke to me, no one reached out to see if their little sister who went almost fifteen-hundred miles away with a total stranger was okay. They were glad to be rid of me finally so they could get the attention they didn’t receive in their lives because of this baby who ruined life for them. 

They were then mad; mad because the family was left in pieces without me. They resented the fact that I was going on with my life, never to see them again. I tried the phone calls, I tried with blistered fingers to stay in touch but the calls became farther and fewer in between. I was now bitter with my family but on a road of healing. 

All of those years I was blind to the way I was treated. Not by my mother and father who yes, treated me with the utmost respect and loved my son and showered him and me in love. My brothers and sister didn’t receive that love. When my father was sick, he’d call my husband in the middle of the night for a ride to the hospital, we jumped. We took my mother food shopping weekly, we took care of her house when she went away, we respected one another and THAT is all that I miss now. I can’t say I miss my siblings because I have a lifetime of resentment built up inside of me of abuse: physically, sexually and mentally. 

Why am I telling you this when some things should remain private? I have to heal and God wants me to release this story to the world. Had I not found God, on my own mind you, had I just stayed in the dysfunctional life I was living and breathing, I would not be a writer, I would not have watched my son graduate high school, I would have never found a family that knows what love truly is.

I was a stone cold alcoholic by the age of sixteen, married at seventeen, and on a road of struggling to survive this thing we call life. At twenty-one, I found myself needing sobriety to continue living. As you can imagine going alone, I had only one resource and that was the very being who had been beside me all of my life guiding me.  

I took on a new role, I became a spiritual light for all who came in contact with me. As you can imagine this newly changed person was even LESS accepted by a dysfunctional family let alone the messed up world. I was illuminated by His Word and carried the torch out into the troubled world wherever I went.

I thanked God daily for my struggles, for my suffering because I knew through every step I was finding a place of healing for ME. God had handed me a flashlight to carry into the darkest of caverns in my life. The batteries never ran out as long as I kept my focus on God and the Light he instilled in me to carry.

The very core of my spirit was strengthened. I was clawing my way through skin and bones to find healing. You might say I was alone; no sugar-daddy to pay my way through the gravel, no medical intervention to drug me up and save me, I had nothing but God. Nothing, no one, just God and me on the journey!

Why did God reach down and save me from the pit I was obviously in; abuse, depression, anxiety, alcoholism and drug addiction? Why did He choose me to be a light to others who might be struggling with their path that is full of darkness? I often ask why but inside I know why. This world is covered in utter darkness and He needs people like me, just as Jesus needed the downtrodden of society to get His message across, God chose me because I am a humble servant giving all Glory to Him!

I have lain my past to rest. To be continued…

Matt. 11:29 “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”