Tuesday, January 27, 2015

So What Now...

Pss. 30:3 O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.

So What Now…

As I sit here thinking of the losses from cancer, I myself wonder what’s next for me.
My uncle (by marriage) is fighting the fight diligently and I know it won’t be long before I get the unawaited call that drops me to my knees yet again.  I lost my grandmother to lung cancer over forty years ago and now my aunt just recently succumbed, I watched (from afar) my dad do battle with throat cancer and my nephew testicular cancer, and I also remember my mother’s aunt dying from cancer, so where does that leave me in the line of targets for cancers next victim?

I’m sure there are more members of the family that I’m forgetting because it is quite obvious cancer has targeted my gene pool. Am I to sit here in line and wait for cancer to tap me on the shoulder with a smile and say, ‘You’re next, sweetie.’

I’m not a health nut by any means. I know right from wrong and I know what is good for my body and what is not good for my body. I don’t go out of my way to overindulge in food carelessly and that has helped ME with any health and weight issues in my lifetime. I don’t consume poison (alcohol) and although I try to keep my brain in working order, I believe I fail miserably.

Does this mean that cancer will pass me by? I’m not blind to the fact that it has no preference in where or when it strikes. All of us are most certainly guaranteed some health crisis in our lifetime that will either make us or break us in its procession of consuming the living.

I’m not riddled with paranoia instead I’m riddled with life. I wake every day and ask, what can I do for you, Lord? And He doesn’t say go out and share what other people have to say about me, share what YOU say about me and experience in YOUR life. And basically that is what I do. When I share a scripture from the Bible, I’m not pointing at you and telling you that you need to read and believe this because * I * do. I’m sharing it with you as an explanation for something I’m going through and allowing God and scripture to guide ME down the path.

I’m not a very knowledgeable person but I am a very wise person. I’ll take wisdom over knowledge any day. Knowledge is book-smart wisdom is heart-smart. Not all knowledgeable people are heart smart. I mean they know things because they’ve read about it somewhere, shared it so that you know they’ve read it somewhere but sincerely do not have the wisdom to share it through experience, only what was read.

I’ve come to the conclusion that cancer has infected humanity, not just physically but mentally and spiritually as well. It has made its way into unsuspecting hosts and breeds like fleas; where there is one flea (cell) you can bet there are more right behind it multiplying.

I live and learn from experience not from something that was spoon-fed me via words on a page. Humanity is being eaten away and unsuspecting hosts are breeding the lies, deceit and corruption. I say unsuspecting because they believe they’re doing the right thing, but then again, they’re only going by the knowledge that was fed them, not by anything they witnessed or experienced first hand.

The biggest snowstorm of the century was a misleading adventure that hosts wanted to feed you. Every year the Farmer’s Almanac has been proven false, every day the weathermen appear to be liars in disguise, religious scholars are pretending to be scientist and vice versa, liars are lying, cheaters are cheating and killers are killing. People are willing to believe wholeheartedly the things they read.

My heart aches for misled humans. I won’t believe I’m next in line for cancer to strike because I’ve read it somewhere. I’ll believe it when the experience is upon me. My heart bleeds for those that have suffered with cancer, lived to tell about it and those that we have lost to this illness. A cure for cancer will one day be found, maybe in my lifetime and maybe not. One thing is for certain, humanity holds the key. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Death Is Never Easy

Pss. 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Death is never easy…

Death is never easy when it hits close to home. I mean, it’s hard any time when we see death surrounding us on the battlefield called earth. People dying everywhere your heart just aches.

Then someone like an online friend dies and though you never knew the person physically, you still feel like something is missing from your spirit. A part of your heart has a burn hole in it. Then a friend loses a mother or a father or sadly both parents the hole begins to grow. Online friends become your family over years and years of communication. They become a part of your everyday life, so to speak.

Now when a family member from your bloodline passes away, someone who you actually grew up with in your physical world, shared Christmas’ with and passed on the road from child to adult, the sting is even harder.

Yesterday, the 25th, my aunt passed away. She was a jolly soul, tall with graying hair, always a   bright smile and a laugh to share. A little on the heavy side but she never let that hinder her from having a good life, attending church or being a social butterfly always fluttering around from place to place.

I can’t remember exactly when they found a tumor but I know she wanted to have back surgery and it was discovered. They had to remove the tumor before cutting into her back. They discovered the tumor, removed and chemo-therapy ensued. They found another tumor and more chemo, another then the same thing over and over for the past year.

She began losing the weight as the cancer was eating her away. That did not stop her smiles. When she had the strength she’d continue doing what she did. Attended church, visited with her grandchildren, hugged her children, and enjoyed the community of Locust Point and what bit of vibrancy that was left in her.

I remember in my younger years she always called me Noni. She had told me of how when I was really little just learning to speak, I had called her Aunt Nerl, for Aunt Gerald, so she would jokingly hug me and say, “There’s Noni.” She was never short on hugs and every time she saw me she’d say, “There’s Noni.” And give me one of the hardiest of hugs.

I don’t think any of my other aunts loved me like she did. Living over a thousand miles away for the past twelve years hasn’t allowed me many visits back home, but the one time I did go back to see my mother in the hospital, Aunt Nerl showed up and there she said again, “There’s Noni!”

She always told me that I reminded her of her. Always laughing, always seemingly happy, making others laugh and just a personality that mirrored hers. That made me pretty proud because no offense to my other aunts, they were not as jovial as we were/are. Since my Aunt Gerald is my father’s sister, I could see where my DNA had coursed.

Yesterday was a tough day for my mother and father. My dad almost seemed irate when he learned that my brother had found out about my aunts death on the computer. They are not of the computer age and think this gadget is a turnstile from hell. He doesn’t understand that facebook is used as a source of comfort when we need to be consoled. My cousins announced their mothers’ death to seek comfort not to degrade her in any way and I tried to let my parents know that.

Thumbprints are left on the soul. We have people in our lives that leave lasting prints never to be washed away. Whether these people are online friends or physical beings in your life, a print is made and you cling to the person via the memories and stories left on your soul.

We all mourn differently. This past week as my mother kept telling me to pray for my aunt, I told her I was praying for her peace, not her miraculous healing. While I am notably an optimist and believe in miracles, I knew when I heard that my aunt had cancer of the blood, it would not be long before I heard of her death. The realist in me accepted this portion of the journey that we must all take.

Last Saturday my aunt was given forty-eight hours to live. It was a miracle that by Monday morning she had a chance to sit up, eat some jell-o and meet with her kids one last time. By Sunday the 25th, her needed organs ceased to function and she went on into eternal peace, just what I prayed for. Peace from the continued suffering. Peace to let go and meet the Lord head on. Peace to finally be free of these earthly restrictions.

Death is never easy for the living.

Pss. 61: 1-4  Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

What's Going on?

Matt. 24:12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

What’s Going On?

I wake in the morning and say my prayers. I’m into a serious prayerful phase. While that is the normal me anyway, here lately my prayerful ways have been more intense. After my prayers I go to the news and see what it has to say.

I skip over all the political jargon because let’s face it the government is a mess. Do we really need to whine and whine and do nothing about it? When is the last time YOU wrote to your leaders? Last time you went to a protest? When is the last time you actively sought change in the US? Besides a facebook rant, have you done anything? Okay then, I forego the political agenda’s of the day because I don’t see a point. I do nothing so I have nothing to say on the matter.

While I’m very vocal about ME, and not liking the blood, gore and sleaze in movies, the news is full enough of all the catastrophes movies only dream of. What’s going on? A two-year old is killed walking with his dog on railroad tracks; a twenty-two tear old burns her newborn baby to death on the side of the road, telling an onlooker that it was dog feces; a five year old shoots his infant brother lying in the crib; a two-year old shoots and kills his mother in a Walmart after finding her gun hidden in her purse!

Again I say, what’s going on? We live in an abusive, negligent, selfish, trigger-happy nation. I’m all for the right to bear arms but I’m also for the right to act responsibility while bearing those arms. We are not a responsible nation! We can’t even drive responsibly let alone have an unattended firearm within reach of a child.

Then there’s the children. We’re off multiplying like rabbits and then dispose of the responsibility of taking care of these children, tossing them out into society and allowing a pack of wolves to raise them or people choose to abuse and kill them. And we wonder why society is the way it is?

Then there’s the Earth. You know, that planet hanging out there in the solar system sustaining life? Yeah, that’s us! We’re out here destroying the very thing that sustains us and we’re doing a bang up job of keeping it spinning.

The scientists have told us what we want to hear. Their opinion is just that, an opinion, not fact. We cling to their words no different than we hold onto the lies the media feeds us. We’re going downhill in a bobsled and we have no brakes in place.
Last night as I sat star gazing this January evening, I heard the sounds of…crickets. Granted it has been warm for January, crickets and flies are a fact that I see and hear with my own eyes and ear; while I know this just shouldn’t be happening.

I look at the world and see it falling down the side of a mountain and I can do nothing to stop the descent. I think I’d rather believe in the dinosaurs building the pyramids than to face the fact that we’re going to hell in a handbag.

Oh well, just another day on the planet earth. What’s going on? You be the judge.

Matt. 24:5-11 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
All these are the beginning of sorrows.
Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.

Monday, January 19, 2015


Prov. 23: 5 Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.


It was forty some odd years ago that my grandmother succumbed to lung cancer. I remember it being a time when there was no cure, yet, but there would be some day. Just saying the word makes me cringe. As a child I thought if I didn’t think about it, it couldn’t sneak up on me. I also thought it was a nasty contagious disease that was secretly going to take over the world.

In the past couple of years, my father has had throat cancer (5 years cancer free as of today), my uncle has been battling the disease, my dad’s sister is in the throes of losing the battle, Steven’s cousin died (30 years young) last year of colon cancer, he has a friend battling colon cancer (44 yrs young), my nephew HAD testicular cancer, I lost an online friend to colon cancer and the list of cancer eating away at my family and friends is not ending, it just keeps infesting!

I do have friends that have won the battle of breast cancer, so I do have hope that a cure is in sight for the future generations that will fall into its disastrous clutches. This year has not had the good start that I was looking forward to by no means at all!

Just last week I lost an online friend. She didn’t have cancer (praise God) but death took her away and spared her the lengthy illnesses that she had been enduring over the years. And now my aunt is lying in a hospital bed in what is surely the last day(s) of life succumbing and being taken over by the cancer that has slowly eaten away at her body.

I’m wondering if this is the prelude to a dismal year ahead of me. While I feel totally petty whining about my pain and my inability to walk, my incapable legs and back giving out on me, I’m swiftly reminded that it could be so much worse. I’m alive and I need to remember that, for whatever reason, God has a hold on me and is not ready for me but He’s putting my mind and body through the rigors of pain and heartbreak for a reason; to make me stronger perhaps?

I have to admit that I’m not looking forward to the year ahead. Not just because of all the illnesses sucking the life right out of people but also because I’m uncertain how this year is going to play out. Sure, we all head into a new year not knowing what it will bring but I myself can usually feel how good or bad it is going to be so I prepare myself for it. So I guess what it is telling me is to expect the unexpected.

I think I’m feeling isolated way out here in the middle of Nowhere, Nebraska. The nearest airport is over an hour and a half away, and the more reasonable airport that Nebraskans use is more than three hours away. Not that I could afford to jump on a plane and fly back at a minutes notice, but it still leaves me feeling very isolated and far far away from my family.

Back home an airport was twenty minutes away and I had two or three to choose from. Out here, we don’t have airports in the vicinity and we barely have a fire department, they are both Volunteer Fire Depts., and hospitals? We have one thirty minutes away but if it is something life threatening, we’d be flown out to Omaha! It’s just all very detaching from the outside world and especially, my family.

I don’t have much of a family but I do have my mother and father; all other family members wrote me off when I left home. I’m dribble on their crab bib. So you can see why I’m a little bogged down with emotions right now.

Uncertainty… it’s a low blow that hits when least expected. Now I see that my life is like a cancer, slowly sneaking up on me and sucking the life right out of me. Here’s hoping the year moves ahead in a positive manner and is somewhat good to me. It’s a wait and see kind of year.

Job 14:7 For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Poetry Sunday ~ An Ode to Eyrline

Acts 26:13 At midday, O king, I saw in the way a light from heaven, above the brightness of the sun, shining round about me and them which journeyed with me.

Ode To Eyrline

She loved to dance, she loved to sing
A song of love or most anything.
Always a tune humming in her heart
Sincerely wise and extremely smart.
This ode of mine to which I write
For sweet Eyrline who knew not her plight.
Inspiration flowed from her fingertips
Encouraging words streamed from her lips.
To loving Eyrline we are giving praise
For lighting up our dimmest days.

E, Lee, Eyrline; endearing names that we know
Sickness tried to cripple her but there she did not go.
She walked with us down a path, a nit or crit or two
A gem among the rubble; she always saw us through.
Eager she was to lend a hand to the young and old
No signs of her frailty; she was fashioned of fine gold!
A vessel among humans to shower her rays of light
A watering can of wisdom that she sprinkled with delight.
I’ll miss the stories of her mother, her family and her pets
Her life held many battles; but she clung to no regrets.

To you my friend, you’ll be missed so much
For your heartfelt words without a single touch.
For the laughter and smiles you brought to our face
How your presence lightened the entire place.
Your passion for God to all of us shone
‘Round about your being you were never alone.
Dedication to music gently carried you away
To the Glory of Heaven is where you now play.
I do not know where you were led to roam
But our Heavenly Father has now called you home.

Be at peace, E. We love you!

Pss. 23:1-6
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
*** ~ *** ~ ***

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Quotation Saturday

A candle and rose for Eyrline Morgan

Pss. 48:14 For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.


“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

“Life is for the living.
Death is for the dead.
Let life be like music.
And death a note unsaid.”
― Langston Hughes

“When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”
― William Shakespeare

“That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.”
― Sarah Dessen


“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri

“Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.”
― José N. Harris

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of "parties" with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship - but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.”
― Sylvia Plath


“The only things I regret, and the only things I'll ever regret are things I didn't do. In the end, that's what we mourn. The paths we didn't take. The people we didn't touch.”
― Scott Spencer

“The size and height of the tree determines how heavily the ground will shake when it falls. The cassava tree falls and not even the pests in the forest are aware. The baobab tree falls and the whole forest looks empty! Such is human life!”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Each of us has his own rhythm of suffering.”
― Roland Barthes

“During the prayers of the day, there was one less “amen”.”
― Phindiwe Nkosi

My dear friend Eyrline Morgan passed away on January 16, 2015. After struggling through many illnesses she finally succumbed and went home to be with our Heavenly Father. The writing community (WVU, F2K) and the world look a lot dimmer today without her shining soul.

A post from Eyrline nine months ago in our Inspirational group:

Be still my heart, God's in the sky. He has the answer To your cry = = = Be still, my heart.

Dear Lord,
Please give me strength, to find His way.
Please build me up from day to day,
That I might help someone to find His way,
Grant me the strength and courage, too,
To live a life, Sincere and true.

Rest in peace, E! We love you!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I'm Alive

 I'm Alive

Yes siree, I’m alive and well and writing! Thirteen posts so far (this one makes fourteen) and my New Year is off and running in the right direction. I say the right direction because I’m not wasting my time sitting endless hours on facebook just waiting for some kind of activity for me to like. Nope, I’m writing!

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re retired and enjoying the Golden Years of your life, by all means use facebook for what it is good for, games. If you’re disabled, facebook and socializing can be great therapy. If you’re wealthy and don’t need to work, facebook can be a great form of relaxing or if you’re sick and in bed seeing some familiar names to chat with can sometimes make you feel all better.

I always seem to come down hard on facebook maybe because I am dead to facebook and facebook is dead to me. I’m getting back into what God intended for me to do and this is to write. I think if He intended for me to twiddle my fingers and thumbs, He’d see to it that FB was a joy in my life instead of an idle/idol distraction.

It’s taken me a while to realize that facebook is an actual lifeline for folks and by me always negatively harping on it, may do more harm than good. My son almost slapped me upside the head and told me to stop ragging on facebook; that some people actually LIKE it. Okay sure, whatever. I notice HE is never on facebook but then it’s just not for him. To him it’s a retirement community for old folks. (remember, he’s a kid!)

Maybe I should stick to being lonely in the confines of my mind. I notice that no legitimate, successful author ever made a name for himself by sitting on the walls of facebook becoming oh so popular. Nope, his/her writing is what spoke volumes and that is where I’m at, at this juncture in my life; making my writing stand out!

I think this is the year I need to focus more on the seriousness of writing. Not just spitting out blog posts, I mean some serious writing. It might mean spending a lot of time inside my mind and that could be quite dangerous. It also means focusing on courses that will move me forward with my writing.

I often wonder if I died tomorrow, would all of those so-called friends miss me? Would they say what a great friend I was and how they’ll miss my whining, loving, caring words? I don’t think so. I think they’ll wipe me off the bottom of their shoes and continue on in their Mardi gras life, whooping and hollering about all that is wrong with the world and doing absolutely NOTHING to make a change. All talk, talk, talk and no action, except a facebook post.

May I walk with God all the days of my life and may His light shine ‘round about me. Amen!

Rom. 1:21-32 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
  Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:
  Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.
  For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
  And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
  Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
  Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
  Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
  Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Thank You Dear Lord


Below is a scripture that I was led to by the Spirit and I read it in the wee hours of Monday morning. This is exactly how I have been feeling lately.

Pss. 143:1-6 Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness.
And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.
For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.
Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.
I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.
I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.

And my prayer:

Pss. 143:7-12  Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.
Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.
Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.
And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.

And my answer:

Pss. 144: 1-15 Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight: My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.
LORD, what is man, that thou takest knowledge of him! or the son of man, that thou makest account of him!
Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away.
Bow thy heavens, O LORD, and come down: touch the mountains, and they shall smoke.
Cast forth lightning, and scatter them: shoot out thine arrows, and destroy them.
Send thine hand from above; rid me, and deliver me out of great waters, from the hand of strange children;
Whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood.
I will sing a new song unto thee, O God: upon a psaltery and an instrument of ten strings will I sing praises unto thee.
It is he that giveth salvation unto kings: who delivereth David his servant from the hurtful sword.
Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood:
That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:
That our garners may be full, affording all manner of store: that our sheep may bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our streets:
That our oxen may be strong to labour; that there be no breaking in, nor going out; that there be no complaining in our streets.
Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.

This was Monday morning’s meditation and Bible reading and if you read my poem on Sunday, you’ll see how similar they are. I wrote the poem on Saturday and Monday morning I was led to these readings. I am Spirit filled and Spirit led.

Just so you know, no matter how deep the pit, there is always the Light that will lead you to a comfort zone in your soul.

Praise be to God!

Monday, January 12, 2015

Do I Fear?

Pss. 143:7 Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit

Do I Fear...

I don’t live in fear but yesterday I felt a twinge before posting my poem post to facebook. I expected no reply and got no reply. Eighty friends and only three LIKES? Boy that makes me feel like all the writing I do is worthwhile. I haven’t posted on my FB wall since Christmas Eve and I’m all the better for it; I’ve written for the first twelve days of the New Year. I feel liberated, alone, but free from the restrictions FB places on me as a human being.

“Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.” 
~Robert Frost

As the sun rises in a flaming ball of fire and clouds brush over to hide it in the shadows I’m reminded that that is how life is. Sometimes you’re standing in the spotlight of the world with all eyes on you and then it happens, a mist falls over your face veiling you and placing you in the darkness of the shadows.

Do you cower in fear or reflect on what is taking place? I choose reflection. Only because in the shadows the reflection becomes more clear for you to see. The only thing I fear in life is the Wrath of God. As I’ve said in previous posts, I don’t feel ready to grab even the first rung of the ladder into Heaven.

As I watch others prance around in confidence or blindly traipse as if there is nothing to be concerned with, after all they’re guaranteed the walk up the ladder because they believe. I’ve said it before, I’m not so sure that just believing is the route to heaven.

“To let God make us, instead of painfully trying to make ourselves; to follow the path that his love shows us, instead of through conceit or cowardice or mockery choosing another; to trust Him for our strength and fitness as the flowers do, simply giving ourselves back to Him in grateful service,—this is to keep the laws that give us the freedom of the city in which there is no longer any night of bewilderment or ignorance or uncertainty.”
~ Sarah Orne Jewett, A Country Doctor

I found this author (thanks Bob) and practically fell in love. I’m in search of her writings because she sounds so much like me I had to do a double take. Her quote above is dead on. We can not make ourselves, only God can do that. And too often I see people trying too hard (conceit?) to make themselves something they’re not.

“Trust Him for our strength and fitness like the flowers do…” Very well put Ms. Jewett.
Flowers do not feed themselves with dogma, doctrine or debates. They are fed with earth, Light and rain. A Rose does not compete with the Lily; they have acquired their own beauty in their own right/rite. They don’t need to be the best and most popular in the garden, they just need to be…ALIVE. And THAT my friends is what I’m striving for; to simply give back to God the beauty He has shown me, nothing more, nothing less. I will walk the path He has placed in front of me and be grateful for every step I’m allowed.

May God bless you on your journey.

"I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good people. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away."
— Unknown Author

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Poetry Sunday ~ Alone Am I

Pss. 102:7 I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.

Alone Am I

Alone am I in the confines of my mind
Left for no one but me to see
Running along in these empty halls
As an echo sounds as sanity calls.

Forsaken am I can anyone bear
The care and love of life
Amnesty airs forgiveness of lies
Solitude speaks silence of eyes.

I dared to go where lightning glared
Its fingertip on my soul
Searing a hole in loneliness cold
Breaking the mold if truth be told.

Seclusion aims an arrow set free
On me it callously claims.
Alone am I in the confines of free
Left for no one but me to see.
~~ * ~~ * ~~

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Quotation Saturday

1 Tim. 6:20 “O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:”


“The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet. The difference between my sins and your sins is that when I sin I know I'm sinning while you have actually fallen prey to your own fabricated illusions. I am a siren, a mermaid; I know that I am beautiful while basking on the ocean's waves and I know that I can eat flesh and bones at the bottom of the sea. You are a white witch, a wizard; your spells are manipulations and your cauldron from hell yet you wrap yourself in white and wear a silver wig.”
― C. JoyBell C.

“I despise the rituals of fake friendship. I wish we could just claw each other's eyes out and call it a day; instead we put on huge radiant smiles and spout compliments until our teeth hurt from the saccharine sweetness of it all.”
― Jody Gehrman

“You will never find the real truth among people that are insecure or have egos to protect. Truth over time becomes either guarded or twisted as their perspective changes; it changes with the seasons of their shame, love, hope or pride.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Being kind to someone, only to look kind to others, defeats the purpose of being kind.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.”
― George Burns

I am an extremely sincere individual. I am sincere, to a fault. One of the many things that I have come to realize, to learn, is that sincerity must be reserved and given only to those who deserve it. And one must save one's emotions, channeling them only to the people who are worthy of it. One must not throw one's pearls to the pigs.”
― C. JoyBell C.

“Hold faithfulness and sincerity as first principles.”
― Confucius

“When pure sincerity forms within, it is outwardly realized in other people's hearts.”
― Lao Tzu


“The worth of a person’s thought is measured not by the quantity but by the quality of the support that it has got and this quality is defined by a single factor, which is only people’s human character.”
― Anuj Somany

“A modern philosopher who has never once suspected himself of being a charlatan must be such a shallow mind that his work is probably not worth reading.”
― Leszek Kołakowski

“A company of wolves, is better than a company of wolves in sheep's clothing.”
― Anthony Liccione

“The steady soul and the ego pretender / walk with their arms round each other's shoulders / through the mirage.”
― Jay Woodman

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters”
― Albert Einstein

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
― John Wooden

“Character is like a tree and reputation its shadow. The shadow is what we think it is and the tree is the real thing.”
― Abraham Lincoln


“It is better to be alone than in bad company.”
― George Washington

“Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”
― Norton Juster

“Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I must push my foot stealthily lest I should fall off the edge of the world into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body.”
― Virginia Woolf

“Suddenly this defeat.
This rain.
The blues gone gray
And the browns gone gray
And yellow
A terrible amber.
In the cold streets
Your warm body.
In whatever room
Your warm body.
Among all the people
Your absence
The people who are always
Not you.

I have been easy with trees
Too long.
Too familiar with mountains.
Joy has been a habit.
This rain.”
― Jack Gilbert

Friday, January 09, 2015

Weight On My Shoulders

2 Cor. 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about heaven. I don’t know, it’s a quirk of mine. I’m hard pressed to see the Light in this world so sometimes I think of what heaven must be like without all the evil running around. It must be, takes a deep breath, heaven.

I had always made a false assumption that just believing in Jesus, accepting Him as my Savior and asking for forgiveness (over and over mind you) would assure me of at least one rung on the ladder to the so-called Pearly Gates, right? Wrong.

You see, I don’t think I’ve ‘got it right’ with God and on a daily basis I strive to get it right but sometimes I think I’m an epic fail. I walk with ‘blind faith’, I think that is the term, because I walk on faith alone not needing the proof so many Christians seek.

Blind faith is something people believe without any evidence to support it, but my faith has been sustained BY evidence of what I’ve seen and beheld, so blind faith is the wrong term for me. So what next, the weight of the Bible.

Have you ever risen on any given day and your first thought is of food? Coffee? Anything BUT the Bible? Hmm. Here’s a concept; maybe we have an overweight society because food is all we think about. Sure many Christian’s will say, “Hey, I read the Bible!”

 Offended are they? Why? Because they think of food MORE than they think of the Bible? Can you imagine how different your life would be if every time you thought of food, you replaced it with reading a scripture verse? Can you imagine a world, that if when feeling a pang of anger/hate/disgust/bitterness you reached for a bible verse before spitting out the words of anger? I bet more and more people would be FILLED and not think of food/anger/hate/disgust.

We are a society that lives to please ourselves first and foremost. We are a hunger craved society who feels we can only be filled if we place ‘things’ in our life to fill us so that we can feel a somewhat peace, but really, seriously think if this gives you peace.

My son is always telling me I need to eat more, ‘You eat like a bird.’ Did you ever think that maybe because I am filled? Maybe because my stomach is content? My thoughts are not of food until my stomach cries out in weird gurgling noises screaming for me to nourish myself with food and water that sustain this life and its mere existence.

I’m a strange little creature. Food, coffee and cakes do not define me. God does and with that I have never in my life struggled with being overweight (or underweight for that matter). Maybe it’s my metabolism but I have always placed God first and allowed Him to be my nourishment and life sustaining food. Yup, strange little creature.

As I search for the rungs of the ladder that will eventually lead me to heaven, I need to be sure I’m getting it all right with God before that fateful day. The weight of the Bible is the most heaviest thing that you can carry and I don’t feel that I or the strongest man alive is up to the challenge. As humans, we’re destined to fail but it is by the faith and that heavy bible that the rungs of the ladder seem a possibility.

Which book of the bible, if any, have you allowed to define you? What are YOU doing to carry the weight of the Holy Book? Are you working to get it right with God?
May God Bless each and every one of you!

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Why King James Version?

Prov. 30:5-6  Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

Since first grade and my entry into a Catholic elementary school, I was introduced to the Word via the King James Bible. For countless years the King James Bible was my guide. I read it like it was the only book on my shelf from front to back and over and over again through the years.

In ninth grade I went to a Christian school and again, the use of the KJV bible was the one used for our bible studies. I hadn’t even heard of other translations of the bible but our Pastor at CLA (Christian Liberty Academy) told us of numerous ‘other’ translations that were out there and that we should steer clear lest we wanted to be led astray.

I remember one distinct day a conversation my sister and I were having as she was struggling in her faith. She asked me how I understood the bible so clearly when she herself found it so confusing. She knew of my love of poetry and I told her, “It is poetry to my eyes and ears.”

As you can imagine she looked even more confused by stating, “I just don’t get it.”

I personally don’t think the bible was written for us to ‘get’. I think it was written solely for us to feel! A new age guru did not write the words of the bible. He did not set out to explain every minute detail of every single word defining passages along the way. But in many of the NEW translations I feel that is what someone tried to do, write the bible more clearly so everyone could understand the Word it was speaking.

Even at our church, the KJV is frowned upon, seeking the word from the NIV because that was the most closely translated version of the KJV. Pastor Mike would often reference the KJV because the NIV didn’t have the clarity of the words. Many friends find the NIV an easier read, also. Can you all say, DIVIDED?

Does anyone realize that all these versions are simply dividing instead of what the Word intended on UNIFYING. When people hear that there are over 50 different versions of the Bible in the English language alone, they often think, "No wonder they are so divided.”

They might be wrong and they might be right. I’m not here to say who/what is wrong or right, I’m here to say what works for ME! And quite frankly, the King James version has worked for me for over 40 years now, so why would I want to conform to what other believers are believing and using? If the other translations work for you, that is fine, but my house, and me, we serve the Lord and I won’t let other translations cloud my enjoyment of the poetry it speaks to my heart and soul.

The one scripture that stands out to me that is too ‘changed’, and it’s not because of any Charlie Brown Christmas either, is the one from Luke.

KJV - Luke 2:8-14 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

NIV – Luke 2:8-14  And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

The entire scripture was changed! Did you notice that the NIV omitted the words CHRIST OUR LORD? Yes, I know Messiah the Lord means the same thing but WHY omit CHRIST? How is changing those three words more clearly defining the Word? I find that entire scripture sacrilegious! But then again, that is just ME! And just on whom does His favor rest?

As hard as satan tries to tug and pull me away from what CHRIST has shown me, I will not be led to his lies, fear and doubts he tries throwing at ME! I am SPIRIT-FILLED, not just a liver and believer. I am a follower of Christ and not ashamed of it in anyway way. But satan will have you believe otherwise through guilt, shame and doubt. Be aware of his tactics.
So why do I choose the King James Version? Because it is a poetic imprint on my soul that I just can’t shake and don’t want to either.
Follow what is on your heart and may God be with you at all times.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

The Lesser of Two Evils

Eph. 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

I find it quite funny these days when people use Social Media to promote Christ and the Word of God. A lot of these people are the same folk who smoke, drink, lie, cheat and anything else you can name, but in the name of the Lord, they promote Him?

Yeah, that used to be my mode of operation but then I realized, shoving the bible down people’s throat is a turn-off not a turn-to way of operating. Now if you have a plethora of Christian friends and you post a bible verse that is touching you that day that you want to share, your friends high five in agreement. But suppose you’re just a casual believer along with many of your friends? Will the Word of God be accepted the same way?

Sure they’ll like it, sure they’ll read it, sometimes laugh with you about it, but then the next day your so-called Christian actions prove you to be a believer not an active participant. That’s acceptable because it is the path you choose. It is okay for you, not ME.

When a Jehovah’s Witness knocks on your door, do you like the intrusion? How about when you’re unloading groceries from your shopping cart? How about if a man is standing on the street corner belting out Bible verses telling you to become a born again Christian because the end is near? I think facebook and twitter have become that form of platform for spreading the Word.

I see more and more people using the word of God for an agenda. Using God? That rolls over well doesn’t it? Since God knows all and sees all, maybe He’ll see you posting and trying to bring people closer to Him, maybe that will earn you brownie points with God.

James 2:26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

I laugh because very early on I learned you CANNOT earn your way into heaven! The show you put on for others is for you and you alone so you look good and righteous-like. It’s a total turn-off to me and saddens me to see people using God like an old bath towel; tossing Him around here and there but never really utilizing His word and works in your life.

When I used to post bible verses, I chose them from my morning bible reading that touched me and I thought maybe my fellow Christian friends would be touched also. To choose the lesser of two evils (figure of speech?) I would post biblical memes that meant nothing to anyone in particular but I was bombarding the walls thinking it was the right thing to do. In hindsight I see that it touched only me and that only I knew what they meant, to ME.

The show is over. I will not give up on God and I will not sugarcoat the Word but I will also not use God for an agenda, I use the Word to set my moral compass by and hope that in a dry stale world people will actually seek out all this ‘jargon’ that people are talking about.

I will not rely on the media, social networks, or the so-called Christians to fool me into something. That’s what it feels like, they’re trying to fool me and turn me AWAY from God instead of into His arms. I have fallen off the ‘hey-look-at-me-I’m-a-Christian’ wagon. I now turn to the regularly scheduled program, the BIBLE!

Never in my life have I been so discouraged. The way I see it is evil is using some pretty creative ways to taint the Word of God and His children. It’s his mission and one he’s succeeding at and one I won’t be a part of. Again… I’ll remain ME. I cannot buy, sell or work my way into heaven and more than likely I won’t even get to knock on the doors of heaven but when God sees Me, He’ll see the genuine SPIRIT of me that He created.

 Pss. 1: 1-6 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

The Shadow Knows

Psalm 27:13 (NIV) I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Writing for myself…

These days I’m writing for myself. If by chance you pass on by, lucky you but I’m no longer promoting my blog on facebook, so if I’m not one of your bookmarks, you more than likely miss what I’m writing. I might on occasions share a poem on facebook or maybe my quotations but no, facebook isn’t working out for me these days. Maybe with the New Year as I take hold of doing new things, new classes, writing, remaining sane in an insane world, I will write to inspire.

I’m distancing myself from all things that bring a negative energy into my life. While facebook is okay, there is a negativity that cannot be cleansed simply by bathing. I visit, click a few likes, thank the two people who still remember me and sometimes think of me, then I’m on my way with the busyness of my day.

Here lately my household has been taken over by what I feel is dark negative force. So eliminating facebook and all its false images and negativity has driven me to take a deeper look at my surroundings physically. I see a collapse in view. Crumbling of walls where only rubble is left to pick through and I feel a pain in knowing this and the inability to stop the movement that has begun.

My son loves The Walking Dead and now Steven has found it on a site where he can watch TV shows with listings from A-Z. I understand that people are fascinated with Zombie’s and wanting to watch people eat people but where do you draw the line? Steven’s list started with the innocent watching of Gotham then Agents of Shield but now includes Fringe, Falling Skies, Walking Dead, Sleepy Hollow and Hemlock Grove, which he lost interest in, I think. Hemlock Grove looks like a soft-porn show with demons, vampires, lesbians and nudity on Netflix, but I could be wrong about the soft-porn. (Too judgmental?) Sometimes I do judge a show too harshly but it is only by MY moral standards, apparently.

People crave these dark shows because just as when they sought God and the Light, they feel they are protected in some way and can walk with the dark being for a bit uninfected. How wrong is THAT assumption? Yes, it’s just TV shows but again, where do you draw the line in what you allow to seep into your conscious? How can the dark shadows be in your outer conscious awakening, without leaking in bits and pieces to your sub-conscious to your very consciousness of being?

What comes over people to make them take steps toward the evil calling them? Well I just answered my own question. Evil comes over people. Satan licks his finger and touches a person and you can hear him joyfully boasting, “Tssssssss, gotcha.”

What starts out as innocently watching a few dark shows, grabs a hold of you and pulls you in a direction you no longer have control of. You can pretend to have control but darkness is nothing to control, it is something to push away, something to obliterate from your life.

From the very first man, a woman smote Adam, and they began their lust-filled adventure, one that we as humans cannot get control of in this lifetime. We can pretend, we can ask forgiveness and be forgiven a thousand million times, so we feel the sin is worth it because hey, we’ll be forgiven.

I understand it is our human nature to sin. It is impossible to live a sinless life but we can strive to be better humans and walk with the Lord, who IS sinless, and maybe just maybe His traits will rub off on you.

I am so thankful every day that the Lord is my breath and life sustaining virtue. That He carries me through the darkness whether by His side, or in His arms, He’s there to see me through all the darkness that tries to grab hold of things in my life. That’s one thing I can say, not boastingly but rather confidently; I am a beacon of Light in a household that succumbs to dark shadows lurking. Praise the Lord, Amen!