Thursday, August 19, 2010

Day Four: Another Day Alone

Pss. 102:7 I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Well friends this is day four of the Adam saga. I call it a saga because I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life. Yesterday I did pretty good, I didn’t cry until I saw Adam get off the bus. Such a sense of relief knowing he was home safe, in my arms.

Yesterday as I drove into town alone, I realized something. This is it. I am really alone. With Adam off at school and Steven doing his thing on the computer; I’m riding into town, passing the luscious trees, crossing over the Platte River, inhaling the aroma’s that only the fields of corn can emit, taking in all the sounds of moving cars, while listening to Praise music on my car radio. Alone.

The drama queen in me really wants to curl into a ball and forget I even exist in this world. But the human being who loves God more than life itself, knows I have to move forward with each day and take the new strides as a growth spurt. I know I feel a story in here somewhere. Will I ever get to it? *shrugs*

Adam likes school. He likes making friends, he likes all his classes except Algebra, and his health teacher, who sounds like a bully to me, but hey, maybe that’s what teachers have to do to get kids to listen up! Adam even got into his stickler of a locker! Never having touched one in his life, he had troubles so he just carried the 100 lb. backpack around with him all day.

He’s lost weight. I don’t know if it is from stress, not eating, or lugging those darn books!He came home, we ate, I helped with his homework and we went to bed. A new routine to fall into and one we both need to adjust to because it looks like this is the way it is going to be. I told him that by Friday we’ll know if this is what he really wants. I am not pressuring him in any way. If he succeeds yipee, if he fails, AT LEAST HE TRIED his darndest, and for that, he will never fail in my eyes!

I’ll start  with the writing posts again after this week but really I just needed this week of support from my writing friends. The community that never lets me down.

The next leg of my journey is whether I continue as a writer, or say adios to the writing biz. The life I’ve tried so hard make for myself may just be coming to an end. Only God knows what is in store. I could take this time to dive into my writing, or I can let it go and get a ‘real job’ as I’ve been told to do on so many occasions.

The writing community will tell me to stay, but not having funds to help my own son through this school excursion is darned near killing me. And remember, my son will always come first. The saga will continue... be blessed  or just BE!


M. SUE said...

Hi Friend~
You know, if Adam decides school is for him, and you decide you have to get a job, perhaps you could have the best of both worlds and use what you have been doing for years...teach! Have you considered subbing? Our homeschooling daughter has done it for a long time, loves it and loves the kids. The teachers she subs for ask for her because they know she teaches, doesn't just fill the chair. Just a thought because you have some great background to share and to remind you, you don't have to give up everything, Joni~
Gentle hugs coming your way~Sue

Ro said...

Does it ever feel like the computer is the "other woman"? That's how it feels around here a lot. It's a bummer feeling alone even when you're not.

I wouldn't think that getting a job would mean never writing again. Don't a lot of people work jobs while writing? It would just be a means for some cash until you get published and then you can say bye bye job. ;)

joni said...

Thanks Sue,
That's a good idea. Maybe I could sub for his English class. I looked at what he'll be doing this year and well, she's teaching them how to write a novel. Hmm.. I'll have to look into it. :)

I don't think the computer is 'the other woman', I am. :(

Giving two or three hours to my writing and teaching, just doesn't allow me time to really dig into a flow.
People do write and have jobs, usually they don't have kids. lol And if they do, they have money and the means to focus on a certain thing while the other person takes care of other stuff.
You know? Balance?

I'm going to work on my focus and prioritizing this month and see if it works out.

Thanks ladies for your support. I never feel alone with my friends. :)