Friday, August 20, 2010

Day 5: Letting go...

Isa 23:7 Is this your joyous city, whose antiquity is of ancient days? her own feet shall carry her afar off to sojourn.
Today is Friday! YAY! This is the last of my “pity-me-my-son-is-not-here” posts. I’ve had to do some soul searching this week as I let my son go out into the great beyond called, The World. It’s been an enlightening week for sure.

Letting go is a hard obstacle to maneuver around. The last time that I let anything major in my life go, was about seven years ago when I left my home in Maryland and moved to Texas with a strange man, and brought my son on the journey with me. He was only seven at the time and we both had major adjustments to get used to.

I had been married for twenty years, and the marriage disintegrated quickly after I got a computer. The obsessive type of man could not bear me having friends whether online or off. Paranoid and controlling did not work for me, fun and fancy free, so we both parted ways. I left everything.

Steven came and picked me up, rented a small u- haul to hang on the back of his truck and it followed us to the grand state of Texas. Not before letting go of all my worldly possessions. There were treasured nic-nacs, favored dolls, ornaments, some books, memorabilia, and yes, the beloved home, a cape-cod surrounded by trees and a garden full of birds! Not to mention, my family.

No one came on the day I left except my niece. (I have four brothers and a sister) I had seen my father, mother and sister’s clan the prior evening, so on the day of my departure, I walked alone. Only I wasn’t alone, I had Adam, my life support.

Now I know how Adam must have felt on day one of his first day at school. The same way I felt when I left home. Lost, lonely, scared, uncertain of what the future holds. But I sit here almost eight years later and can see that had I stayed, I would not be the woman I am today. I’m a writer! Back home I was a wife, mother, servant, in that order. Today I’m a mother, writer, fiancĂ©, servant of God. I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’ve often been asked the question, “If there was one thing in your life you could go back and change, what would it be?” My answer then and always will be, “Not a thing!” You see, if we change one thing, then everything that followed that one thing would change. Everything would be different. Your life, your family, your SELF. I would not change my SELF because I like who I am!

Sure I’ve lived, loved and lost, but I am who I am today BECAUSE of all of my experiences. Sometimes we just need to let go so new doors are opened for us. The winds of change will not be able to swiftly blow through your hair if you leave the door closed.

For Adam’s sake and my own...IMNOPENDOOR!

Thank you all for your support during this time!

Job 8:19 Behold, this is the joy of his way, and out of the earth shall others grow.


M. SUE said...

...and we're wherever you NEED us to be...
Thinking aboutcha! Sue

joni said...

*BIG hugs Sue*

You're right there, where I need you to be. :)