Not Good

Pss. 63:3 “Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.”

When people ask me how I’m doing, like everyone else I say fine. They’re happy with that and offer me to ‘keep it up’! I’m not lying I just don’t want to get into the gist of what I feel is a failure. My husband, son, and mother-in-law don’t see it as a failure but I do. I feel like I’ve let myself an everyone else down. I come down pretty hard on myself.

I’m lying to myself more than anything. I want to be fine and believe I’m going to be fine but getting from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ is a whole different matter. I accepted the easier of the chemo routes meaning not the kind where they slice, dice, and radiate you, then place what they call a ‘port’ under my skin to fester. The port is the loading dock for the poison they’d administer. No, I took lethal injection instead.

It has been nothing but lethal since the first ninety-minute injection where the side effects were tearing me up from the inside. They lied and told me it would get better; the chills and hard pain should subside with each dose and after the third dose I see no change in side effects except them getting worse. Had Allison been more concerned with the patient than the kickbacks from the Femara she kept trying to push, maybe she would have known about the swelling.

The last visit I had was two weeks ago and Allison, whom I think is the doctor’s assistant came in and saw me instead of the Dr. himself. I guess he was too busy and bears the weight of the patient load. For some reason when they ask you how you’re doing, and you tell them, they spin your words. 

“I’m not good. I’m in a lot of pain from side effects,” I say.

“Oh, they get better with time. Some women don’t even know they’re getting chemo. So, why don’t you want Femara?” There it is, the sale of drugs.

“Well, I know I don’t like the side effects, but I’ll push on. Not with Femara though, something milder the doctor offered.” 

The argument. “Chemo has saved millions of lives, you know?”

“I’m not getting into this conversation, it upsets me.” She knows this, I’ve seen her before. She pressed on until I was in tears and she was (unapologetically) apologizing. She knew what she was doing. They push the fear and scare tactic buttons until you’re a hot mess. Needless to say, she didn’t check my heart, my swelling, or my pulse, all that are normal things to check for in a visit. She was too busy trying to sell her drug.

I was going to give this weeks Herceptin a try, so off I went for my thirty-minute poison pump, where they pump the ‘juice’ into my veins. Afterward, at home, I ate and thought all was right with the world, I was feeling good, then the pain came like a freight train barreling down the tracks. I’ll never eat again, is what I said over and over in tears, wrapped in a blanket, and now in bed at five in the afternoon. This was the norm when coming home from the chemo trips.

A couple more days followed suit and it hit me, that since my first treatment what was once a vital woman was now a shell, a crippled woman trying to make it through each day. I was waking sad, sore and depressed. I couldn’t do my exercises that for seven months I’d been doing. I was just wheeling through the house, using my walker too, but the cane… it became a hindrance and I haven’t used it in nine weeks, almost twelve weeks.

Now when people ask how I’m doing I say, “Not good.” I just can’t lie. When I said I was doing okay, I was! I was walking, exercising, cold or not I got out of the house, intermingled with human beings, I was good. WAS being the operative word. Say your not and poof, everyone disappears. They’ll be back when the word is ‘good’ again. Not good is negative (I know) and brings them down. I don’t blame them.

My mother-in-law emailed me last week and asked if she could come out for a visit, bring me some flowers (for the outside) and I said YES!! Need anything? FRESH RIPE tomatoes! Lol So I was getting a visitor besides my son! Wouldn’t you know, we had so much rain the roads are a muddy mess. It was warm that day and she wore shorts and I told her, this week you’ll be bringing the coats back out! We are all in amazement of this crazy weather. Surprising tornadoes in the city of Lincoln, rain, high winds, cold, chill, floods again, if not, washed out roads! Just a mess, just not a frozen solid ground mess.

Then last week the pain hit me hard. I was having adverse reactions and needed to call the doctors office and let them know. I wrote about the ‘normal side effects a few weeks ago, like sleep problems, nausea, muscle pain, abdominal pain, loss of appetite, tiredness and more, so many more. But there were also the bad side effects. I remembered the swelling but needed to look and see what else I had.

Serious Reactions:
bone pain,
increased coughing,
swelling of the hands/ankles/feet, MY ONE FOOT IS SWELLED LIKE A BALLOON
sudden unexplained weight gain,
unusual tiredness, I FEEL SLEEPING TWELVE AND FIFTEEN HOURS IS NOT NORMAL
severe headache,
tingling or numbness, MY LEFT-HAND GOES NUMB/ NECK TINGLY
mental/mood changes,  I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL MENOPAUSE CRUD
fast or pounding heartbeat, and  YES
easy bruising or bleeding.           YES (WHERE’D THAT COME FROM)

I  called and told the nurse Navigator I was experiencing adverse reactions. She said to rest and put my foot up and see if that helps. It did for a couple of nights but that was it. Only my left foot is swelled. And… and… “I’ll take care of the scrip for ya. Ok, bye.” This malpractice is in their court, not mine!

I’m giving up on Herceptin and to me feels like I failed. But wait I didn’t, the DRUGS did!

I know I didn’t, and everyone will tell me so. I go this week for what the docs office thinks is a Herceptin trip and to their surprise, they’re getting me and all my adverse reactions, FINALLY, but no more Herceptin, on to a new plan, Doc! I hope I make it that far, until Wednesday!

There’s more going on that I need to tell you, I’ll call extenuating circumstances! 

TO BE CONTINUED….

Pss. 119: 78 “Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause: but I will meditate in thy precepts.”

Pss. 119:17 “Deal bountifully with thy servant, that I may live, and keep thy word.”

God Bless!

I Had A Bad Day...

Job 7:14 “Then thou scarest me with dreams, and terrifiest me through visions:”

I had a bad day

When a nightmare wakes me throughout the night, this title should really be, I had a bad night. The other day I woke early in the morning not my usual chipper self. I woke in tears and tears defined the greater part of my day. I guess I'm allowed a bad day/night on occasion. Glad they're not frequent.

We usually wake and go shopping, but this day I woke grumpy with two inches of snow on the ground and heavy stuff still falling from the sky. This winter has been a temperature roller coaster ride as well as the ups and downs of emotions. Normally I have my emotions in check but here lately everything is triggering a reaction in me.

My nightmare began with a doctor visit located in a hospital room not much different than the room I was in last year when I received my diagnosis before being forced into test after detrimental test. 

In my nightmare the nurse squeaked into the room, tearing off linens on the bed across from me. She was running off in the mouth. I asked her what she was doing and she quickly spits out, “We’re prepping you for surgery. That breast is nasty looking and the doctor needs to remove it, or you’re gonna die, gonna die, gonna die.” The sound was echoing over and over.

“Wait, I’m not going to have surgery. I have a choice!” My voice didn’t echo like hers, it sounded more like a soft whisper.  

“But if you’re gonna die, gonna die, gonna die,” my husbands says with the echo now in his voice. His face was really close to mine as the echo made his face look like the wicked House of Mirrors.

“I am NOT having surgery,” I screamed that one pretty loud but still no one could hear me. It was like my lips were moving but everything went on, movements in the room heads nodding in disagreement as if I wasn’t there. I was seriously expecting Pennywise from the King book ‘It’ to just pop out and start cackling but instead…

“But you’re gonna die, gonna die, gonna die! It looks nasty, nasty, nasty,” the nurse cackled with an eerie looking grin.

You get the gist of the nightmare. Fear, laughing, taunting all in line before I forced the blankets off of me and battled the cold reality of the morning. Tears still streaming down my face, when my husband said something to me, I snapped at him. That is so unlike me! I said, “I just had a terrible nightmare, please don’t do this to me today!”

He shrugged and mimicked me until I looked at him with wet eyes and started bawling my eyes out. He realized it really had to be a bad dream for me to wake in tears.

He went on with his routine to start his day; I could see his mind wandering. He ventured outside to start his truck and brush away the snow on there from the windblown covering that blanketed his truck; only a total whiteout hindered any chance of venturing off to the store at this time. I was adamant about not going with him and carrying this negative crud through the store. My son was at work and heading home in the whiteout at this very time, so that added to my stress of the early morning.

When my son arrived home, he could see I had been crying, “What’s the matter?” 

“A nightmare! I had a bad nightmare!” I know I was snappy in my reply.

“It was just a bad dream,” he says downplaying my pain. He was just returning from an eight-hour overnight shift, drove through whiteout conditions and here I was snapping at him. 

There it was, the truth of the matter, everyone is so used to seeing me as the pillar of strength that when I’m in a serious bit of stressful turmoil they don’t recognize it; they downplay my pain and shrug it off. She’ll get over it, they figure to themselves. I couldn’t get over this, not quickly anyway.

I carried throughout the day a heavy chip on my shoulder and an old time movie projector in my mind, the nightmare kept playing over and over like a broken record, “you’re gonna die, you’re gonna die, you’re gonna die.” There was just no shaking the feeling or the nightmare. This gives night terrors new meaning.

I tried venturing onto Facebook, bad idea. I felt like everyone was laughing at me, taunting me, mocking me, and disagreeing with everything I’ve worked so hard for. They were not doing any such thing, but the nightmare had my paranoia levels up and shaking this was not going to just go away with a few passing smiles for the day.

Super Bowl Sunday was then spent napping and anticipating my long-awaited arrival on Monday, our new mattress! My back has been a problem for years now and I knew it was the fifteen-year-old mattress but I also knew we couldn’t afford a new one, but with the expectancy of an income tax check, I made the suggestion to my husband of a new mattress. We thought of the costs of a chiropractor for me and the mattress was much cheaper by far. With enough supplements for two more months, I was anxiously looking forward to a comfortable nights rest on a new mattress!

I didn’t put myself through the anxiety of a football game and my husband was kind enough to sit through a Disney movie with me instead of the year’s ending of the football show. Neither one of us watched football this year as it has become its own little world. No longer an enjoyable sport-like football game, it’s now added fluff and frufru make it a waste of MY precious time. He did catch the second half (he’s a man, whatcha expect) *wink-wink* and he enjoyed watching someone else win the Super Bowl this year. 

With the Philadelphia Eagles winning the Super Bowl it just reaffirms my hope that the underdog DOES WIN on occasion! It signifies that the underdog has a chance against the powers that be, the winners of society, the boasters, and braggarts, we little folk DO win! 

James 1:12 (NIV) “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

Monday, the mattress came…

Pss.3:5 “I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me.”

Poetry Sunday ~ Autumn's Score

Rev. 22:2 “In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.”

Autumn’s Score

One by one they fell 

Lifeless where once alive

No more life in hell

From the tree, they dive.

Spiraling without sound

Swept away by wind

Falling to the ground

The veins therefore rescind

Leave the tree so bare

Vitality now within

Gone without a care

The barren knows no sin.

Stoic bark and beauty

Asleep the life no more

Thumbprint lasting duty

Spring is autumn’s score.

Being Bombarded

Fort McHenry

Pss. 89:1 “I will sing of the mercies of the LORD for ever: with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations.”

Being Bombarded

How are you doing?

Is that a cordial question or do you really want to know? Well, let me tell you, have you ever been to a fireworks show and sat under the spray of tiny embers floating in the air after the big boom of the explosive light show? It’s like a safe bombardment not the one like Fort McHenry received all those many years ago.

I feel like I’m being bombarded with information. While I wake every morning grateful to be alive I can’t help but be drawn back when I realize this is me, this is the me I never expected to be; a victim of a killer disease. I try to take one day a week where I don’t even think about my illness but let me tell you, it was much easier giving up sugars and carbs than trying to clear my mind and screen from the bombardment of information surrounding me.

I’ve subscribed to newsletters, I’ve bookmarked links, I’ve written my heart out, I’ve read until my eyes literally hurt, and I’ve spent nights (not many, mind you) disrupted by thoughts. I normally get my eight hours of sleep but I guess it’s to be expected to have a couple nights where the thoughts won’t be silenced. Prayer calms my thoughts, meditation relaxes me, but sleep evades me when I’m so into prayer and meditation. I guess it’s just a healing mechanism.

I’m okay with healing as long as I can keep the negativity far away from me, but like trying to keep the toxins away, the fight is always a daily battle. People see the picture of me and think that looks like the picture of health. For one, that picture was taken two years ago on my wedding day and while I still look like that, now there is an enemy that has invaded my body and is trying to tear the fragility of my being down to its level.

While I am one strong woman, there is a volcano erupting inside me and no chemotherapy or radiation is going to calm the lava from overflowing. No, I need to change the view, I need to take care of myself from inside out, not out of fear out of necessity.

While I will give The Truth About Cancer and Chris Wark of Chris Beat Cancer much credit in my book Beating Cancer on a Budget, this disease is one enemy I don’t wish on the poor of society because I can tell you firsthand, we are the ones who lose in the end. No one wants to help us, not many want to reach out and save. There are a few who will, but if you don’t have thousands of friends, a voice like Oprah or Ellen fighting for your cause, you are basically on your own, kicking and screaming with no one hearing.

I don’t have the money to buy the TTAC series (praise God, I saw it free twice!) or the CBC series, or the numerous books from the newsletters I’m subscribed to, I don’t have thousands of dollars to fly off to Tijuana Mexico and head to a clinic that actually has a successful HEALING rate, no, I have $634. That isn’t going to pay the two thousand and more dollars in medical bills I have because guess what, insurance didn’t pay ALL of the bills. That isn’t going to cover the chiropractor visits I need, and while my decision to go alternative is not acceptable to the majority of people, I am going to BEAT this enemy on an extremely tight budget and give HOPE to the others out there not having success with the pharmaceutical owned, strong arm of the ancient treatment,  chemo. 

I am eternally GRATEFUL to my dear friends who came through for me. I have a feeling that there are people out there fighting the same battle as me and don’t even have the six-thirty four to buy the food or supplements they need. I am fortunate, I am loved, I am healing, and I will WIN!

While people, even my family, see a picture of health, I’m battling a devastating illness where I’m always looking out for the slightest toxin that can knock me on my butt! A simple cold could take me out because cells that want to eat me alive have bombarded my immune system. People will say, well just get chemo and you won’t have that problem. I’m sorry, I don’t believe that lie. It’s like going to the store and them selling me a lemon meringue pie telling me it’s good for me because it has lemon in it. You might buy what they’re selling, but I don’t. I might pay for my decision in the end, but you’re right about something, this is MY decision, MY choice, and MY way of handling something that wants to destroy me. You can support me or ignore me but I have a LIFE TO LIVE!

Many people don’t have the self-discipline it takes to survive these days. They will take drug after drug, med after med, script after script to sustain them for a couple more years but they won’t take the initiative to drastically change their eating habits to save their lives. People say organic eating is expensive and I’ll say, more expensive than the medications you ingest? Maybe you wouldn’t need all of those medications if you ate more healthy but hey, you only live once and meds will keep you going while you toxify yourself, it’s all good.

I am on a mission of healing! My niece has had a fundraiser going on another FB page of a clothing line that she is a part of, they’ve raised two-hundred dollars for me and again, total strangers are coming through for me! Our God is an awesome God, He reigns! And this my friends is the ONLY place that I find healing! 

Pss. 89:24 “But my faithfulness and my mercy shall be with him: and in my name shall his horn be exalted.”

BEAUTY! 11-11

1 Chron.16:29 “Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name: bring an offering, and come before him: worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.”

BEAUTY

Keeping to my word, I am writing about the BEAUTY I see in the world. I have to admit while everyone is happy stroking their ego’s I am content seeking beauty where there is none. 

I open my eyes in the morning and am grateful to be alive another day. I thank the Lord as I shuffle to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. It is usually after a good eight hours of sleep. Yes, I’m still young enough not to have inhibited sleeping patterns and I chalk that up to my daily prayerful meditations and the content feeling I have with MY life.

I hear people say that they’ve suffered from insomnia all of their life, or because of medications it stops them from sleeping all night, or that they take a supplement to help them sleep, or that I better enjoy sleeping all night while I’m young because the older I get the less I’ll sleep. 

I guess I see why they call it beauty sleep because of the rarity of a restful, content, full night of sleep is absolutely beautiful. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in a good nights rest.

After the coffee begins perking I take my dog outside for her morning business. It is usually dark and before turning the outside light on, I stare at the illuminated starlit sky and say good morning to God. I usually get a wink but it just might be my eyes adjusting to the dark after coming from the lit house. Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in the early morning sky!

I gather my dog by giving a whistle and she either slowly (she’s getting old) crosses the leaf filled yard in noisy steps or makes her way around the front of the house and begins barking for entry. I let her in the house and we both meet at the pantry where her treats are stored and she stares, gratefully and eagerly; even if she’s done nothing, she knows a treat is coming! Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in my dog’s smile.

I turn and go to my finely brewed coffee after listening to the final groan of percolating, I stand there, inhale the scrumptious aroma and thank God once again for technical gadgets that bring the house alive visually and aromatically. Thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in a well-brewed cup of coffee.

I begin shuffling across the floor with hot coffee in my hand, pause as I inhale the steam, and continue walking to my lit computer screen. “What will I write about today, God?” then I click the weather that screams in the darkness, warmth and sunshine this fine November week and again I say, thank you, God, for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in an unseasonably warm day!

To my left, the sun begins to rise in a splendid show of color, I open the bible and read, pray and meditate on the Word He has so richly filled me with since my youth. Good morning my dear friend, thank you for allowing me to see the BEAUTY in prayer and the brilliance in the sunrise. Even when it is hiding behind clouds I sense the BEAUTY and warmth that the sun lends me to start my day.

I click ‘log in’ and the beauty melts away like a wax candle placed in the center of a roaring bonfire. I pray… “Lord, help me see the beauty in the world through your eyes.” My computer crashes… I shuffle myself to the kitchen for a second cup of BEAUTY!

“Sometimes people are beautiful.

Not in looks.

Not in what they say.

Just in what they are.” 

― Markus Zusak

Poetry Sunday ~ Autumn Trees

Pss. 96:12 “Let the field be joyful, and all that is therein: then shall all the trees of the wood rejoice.”

Autumn Trees

Flaming fire of autumn trees

Lights the sky with ample ease

Flowing like a river stream 

Catches on the sunrise beam

The open orange of autumn trees

Catches light on mornings breeze

Drifting down with somber sound

Leaves now whimper on the ground

Amber glow of autumn trees

Whispers sounds of rolling seas

Brilliant hint of heavens door

Hues abound of winters lure

Radiant red on autumn trees

Winter waits with summer tease

Vibrant color mornings gold

Frost unveils the seasons cold

Poetry Sunday ~ Dry My Tears

Pss. 6:6 “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”

Dry my Tears

The sun slants over the horizon

Fears in the night fall asleep

A new day dawns of which I wake

Darkness slides into the deep.

Tears they dry by mornings' breath

I dare not tell a soul

My heart it hides a rhythmic beat

Broken body bears the toll

Silence slithers in morning mist

Unspoken words decay

Alone am I on desolate land

Dried are tears I face the day

Frost it hides from rising sun

Scattered is the cold

It is with Light I dry my tears

Amid the mornings gold.

Pss. 116:8 “For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.”

Meditation

Ezek. 13:3 “Thus saith the Lord GOD; Woe unto the foolish prophets, that follow their own spirit, and have seen nothing!”

Meditation is not some new aged practice; actually it has been around for thousands of years practiced by many different faiths including Christians around the world. As early as the book of Genesis (for you Christians) you can see that Isaac meditated. (Gen. 24:7)

Pss.1:2 “But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.”

I’ve meditated for quite a few years now because it is one way I use to put my mind to rest. I remember seeing a meme recently that said something like 'for those who go right to bed and fall right to sleep, don’t you have thoughts?' Well my quick response was: yes, but I leave my thoughts outside the door so I CAN sleep. And I sleep peacefully for eight hours, thank you very much.

Meditate:
to engage in thought or contemplation; reflect.
to engage in transcendental meditation, devout religious contemplation, or quiescent spiritual introspection.

What helps me in my meditation is the fact that I carry good thoughts; an optimist if you will. I meditate on the Word and reflect the word in my actions. It is easier for me to love than to hate. When people say they can’t/won’t meditate I have to wonder, is their mind so full of hate that they don’t have good thoughts to think about?

I try my best to steer clear of those who love and hate at the same time. They show love on one side of the fence but on the other side they show so much hate and rage I wonder how they even sleep at night, or do they?

Some people may call me a snob but I am far from it; I am not better than anyone. Because I choose love over hate is a choice of mine and I only wish more people knew the benefits that result from living a life of love. Jesus taught us to love and how to love but people put their own spin on what they deem as love. Kind of makes me wonder what else they misinterpret.

When people say they are seeking a spiritual path I have to ask, what are you doing? Are you placing more love and good in your life that over rides all that hate that fills you on a daily basis? If the answer is no then you are seeking the wrong path. Your actions speak volumes as to the path you are headed down and I only wish a boulder wasn’t blocking your way to finding what you seek.

Pss. 63:6 “When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.”

Meditating in the night watches to me means when I lay my head down to rest at night, my thoughts are all on Him and a peaceful night of sleep follows as I rest in His words. Some people have no other thoughts than thoughts of this material world that keep their mind roaming and unfocused. Thoughts of bills, food and all that is wrong with the world will keep any sane man or woman awake at night. 

Following a spiritual path doesn’t mean that you try meditating once and give up when your weakness allows you to lose focus. Meditating has to become an hourly part of your day where you focus on good, light, love throughout the day so the positive thoughts can carry you through a restful nights sleep.

I’m not saying that when I get older I won’t develop insomnia of some sort but right now, I’m not older and meditation is what has gotten me to this point of peacefulness that washes over me and I carry with me throughout the days of my life. 

What, you don’t think I have problems, bills and things to take my mind in places I dare not let it go? You’re wrong. I have a world of problems that could consume my thoughts but I won’t let ANYTHING take my thoughts away from God. The world is going to hell in a handbag and there is not one thing negative that I can say that will change that. 

Am I supposed to be filled with anger and rage because of the status of the world? The status of religions? The killing and hatemongering that will continue to consume man until he falls into the pit of hellfire?

The only thing that can fight hate is LOVE. This is what Jesus was trying to show us. The world is going and we’re going with it unless we fight with LOVE. Jesus’ message was not to HATE but to LOVE.

You can put your theological spin on the matter just as well as I can. I am not naïve, I am a child of God and will declare love until my very last breath because THAT is what Jesus would do, and that is what Jesus DID!

You can ask any one of the spiritual people that you may know, whether of the Christian faith or any other faith, spirituality is all about LOVE. To be filled with hate is to demean spirituality. Man cannot serve God AND mammon. You must serve one and know the difference in the lines you CHOOSE to cross. (note: God IS Spirit.)

Don’t call yourself a spiritual seeker and seek out what you can hate on any given day. Don’t call yourself a Christian if it is two masters that you serve. Don’t wear a mask that you think people want to see, show them the real you. If you’re not willing to show the world the real you, then take a look in the mirror and see what you don’t like and work to change it for YOU. Then show the world the you that you can be sure of.

Pss. 119:48 “My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.”

Meditation will drive you down the path of spiritual awakening that you seek. If you can’t let go of the hate in your heart, you are not ready to be awakened to the spiritual side we were destined to be a part of.  Do the world a favor and stay asleep, which leaves more room for those who are awake to actually SEEK the righteous path.

1 Tim. 4:15 “Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all.”

Insomnia - Food

Jer. 8:15 We looked for peace, but no good came; and for a time of health, and behold trouble!

 Insomnia

With yesterday’s post, we learned insomnia is a disease not just a simple brush-away illness. I’m referring to the people who have had trouble with sleeping for years upon years and never tried to find the culprit.

Today is the day we discuss some culprits that can keep you awake at night, most importantly – food!

Did you know certain food will inhibit your sleep? The time of day or night that you indulge in food can be a real problem when you’re an insomniac. Knowing the smart healthy foods to eat can help your sleep pattern while the wrong foods are going to do a number on your getting a good nights rest.

The right/healthy foods, no matter how tough it is to stomach, are going to enable you to sleep better at night. Whole grain breads and pasta, fruits and vegetables are all going to aid you in a better nights sleep.

I notice many insomniacs overindulge in unhealthy eating habits such as greasy foods, sweets, sugar and caffeine. They say they want to sleep better but do nothing to change or help in their sleeping behavior or even try to change their eating habits.

Like I said yesterday, I sleep a good seven to eight hours a night, peaceful, restful sleep. Am I a health nut? By no means! I eat two to three meals a day and a light snack well before bedtime, never right before and I never ever wake in the middle of the night seeking out a snack because I’m hungry.

I don’t eat greasy foods, I rarely cook in oils and I even more rarely eat out at a fast food restaurant or ANY restaurant for that matter. They are not concerned with your health when selling you that tasty, mouth-watering meal; they’re concerned with a sale and it tasting so good you return over and over again to their establishment.

I eat chocolate maybe twice a year and if I have pie it is either pumpkin or some sort of fruit pie like apple or peach. I sometimes snack on cookies but no more than three. I have never been one to eat more than my stomach can handle and have never been a glutton for things that just aren’t good for my health. My son says I eat like a bird. But I'm only concerned for my health NOW before it becomes a problem like the health issues that haunt my family members.

My mother developed Type 2 Diabetes because of her love of Whitman’s Chocolate, my father developed heart disease because of all the greasy foods my mother cooked and the over abundance of salt in their food. While I love seasonings, salt is hardly ever used in my house. I just never acquired a taste for it after being fed it for 17 years; salt was never a staple in my home cooked meals. You want it, you add it, that’s my motto! I love adding seasonings to my food to make it more appealing; pepper, Italian seasoning, garlic powder/salt, oregano, etc., etc. I also love to add garlic, onions mushrooms, green pepper, you name it.

There is an old saying you are what you eat. I believe this for some odd reason. If you eat unhealthy foods you are going to be unhealthy and have all the illnesses that unhealthy eating will bring about, including insomnia, heart disease, heart failure, diabetes and so many other illnesses that unhealthy eating will cause to surface, usually after it is too late to turn back the clock.

But the good news is, you CAN turn back the clock! You CAN begin to eat healthy and watch your weight change, watch the positive healthy change take place in your body. Your health will change, your sleep or lack thereof will change and you’ll feel better and hopefully live a longer more productive life because of these changes. The choice is up to YOU!

Jer. 33:6 Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.

Lent: Day Thirty-three ~ Poetry Sunday ~ Spiritual Growth

John 7:38 (NIV) "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

Spiritual Growth

Now has come the season

Where my soul tends to grow.

Like living waters inside me

My spiritual growth will flow.

The buds begin to surface,

The flower not yet seen

Until the sun has nurtured

From sleep what they can glean.

The trees will slowly waken

Arise from seasonal cold;

The buds will peak in numbers

Bringing forth the springtime gold.

My soul will drink in measure

The still waters from within.

My spirit churning back to life

The new season I now begin.

Take from me the darkness,

As my slumber is called to rise

Fill me with living water

For to shed my winter cries.

Behold, a new me emerges,

As a bud turns into a flower.

Washed over by the hand of God

I’m renewed by a spiritual shower.

Pss. 51: 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Lent: Day 12 ~ Poetry Sunday ~ Are You Asleep

Dan. 12:2 And many of them that sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt.

~ Do You Sleep ~

I walk along as the city sleeps

Amid the ruins someone weeps

No one hears the trebled cry

Hunger fills them, then they die.

Sacrifice a duties call

I want to help; help them all.

On my shoulder a gentle hand

Whispered out where I stand.

“They have died, for my sake

a journey few dare to take.”

Persecuted on the ground

Now their soul is Heaven bound.

“I cannot save the world you see

Man has taken all thought of Me.

I will come back in due time

To have man pay for his savage crime.”

“My children must be fully aware

I hear them calling in fervent prayer.

All who cry out will be heard

That carried faith in my written Word.”

“Though many die while they’re asleep

I hear you all, as Earth does weep.

Do not hate while there you roam

I need you awake, to bring you home.”

Jonah 1:6 So the shipmaster came to him, and said unto him, What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not.

Commit to Writing

It is within my power to commit to writing. As I give up a few things, I will be drawn to other things, possibly forming a new addiction. An addiction to writing is not a bad thing. Did you ever notice that the word ‘addiction’ makes you cringe? Probably because addict sounds negative, but not all addictions are of the negative. I come from a long line of family members who have been addicted to drugs, alcohol, you name it, and as I clawed my way out of the mire to become a free spirited addict of writing, I lost many family members along the way.

I met new family members in the world of writing, who not only shared my addiction, they are pushers too, they pushed me forward and helped my addiction grow into the fruit producing tree that is spoken of in the bible. My new family has come along side me, embraced me, my quirkiness, my beauty, and my words. I met many at f2k, my beloved writing course that I gave up, and as they moved into the Village, I embraced them to welcome them all to the family, that so lovingly welcomed me many years ago.

Some addictions you recognize as more painful than worthwhile. Some addictions abuse you, so you must give them up, whether positive or negative, you just have to, to save your sanity! My writing has never abused me in any way. It is an addiction that I will carry to my death, and possibly to Heaven where I can meet with the writers that have gone on before me. Maybe we’ll share, maybe we won’t, but I do know that committing to my writing is what this year is going to be all about.

What will you commit to in the new year? Are you not going to change at all because you like where and who you are? I’m not that old that I can’t see when the time of change has come into my life. I’ve been here through many journey’s, many climbs over mountains and through the boulders of life and I walked away a better person because of each choice I made. I think that is the operative word, choice. You need to see that boulder as a mere pebble. You need to look at that mountain and don’t whisper, you demand it, move mountain! And with all the strength you’ve gathered from your Lord, your faith carries you and the mountain, in a remarkable amazing fashion, moves.

You have a choice to change things. You can stay the same and as you do, not one mountain will move and not one boulder will sway, you will become trapped by the deluge that has fallen into your life of loneliness, you will become overcome and suffocate. Is that what you want for your life? That’s all fine and dandy, but it is not what I want. I have a choice and I choose life, and my commitment to writing! I will not be as the sleeping man, caught unaware when the change comes. When you sleep (know what I am speaking of) you will always remain idle in everything. Every venture, every spurt of possible growth, you will miss, because you were too busy sleeping.

Mark 13: 33- 37 Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is.
 For the Son of man is as a man taking a far journey, who left his house, and gave authority to his servants, and to every man his work, and commanded the porter to watch. Watch ye therefore: for ye know not when the master of the house cometh, at even, or at midnight, or at the cockcrowing, or in the morning: Lest coming suddenly he find you sleeping. And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch.

My inspiring journey: Soul Songs

Poetry Sunday ~ Silent Slumber

1 Cor. 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
***
Silent Slumber
(c) Joni Zipp
***
The fields they sleep
awash in snow
man in slumber
a tale of woe.

Mark the line
of night and day
into a realm the
soul does sway.

Often sought
but never found
Heavens light
with earthly sound.

All the while
he is caught up
the fields erupt
to fill his cup.

Over flows
ones own being
never grasp
all he is seeing.

Bind the love
within your soul
breathe it in
and be made whole.

All rights reserved: copyright © Joni  Zipp